The car’s quiet for a long, suspended moment. Even the person texting him seems to give us a break for this—for Sebastian to feel like shit for even considering…
“Look,” he starts, but then the phone goes off again.
Fed up, I snatch it from the console to see what the fuck.
Saturday night
Just as I’m deciding that means absolutely nothing, another bout of texts comes in.
Or I might need a fix for my sweet tooth.
You can tell me just how good it tastes.
Or not. I’ll find out myself.
I thrust him the phone, nodding to the light we’re stopped at, about two blocks from Merle’s. “Your brother apparently has some very urgent business regarding food.” I’m thinking he’ll take the stoplight to reply to the messages, but that doesn’t happen.
He stares down at the phone, turns it off, sets it back in the console, and places his hands at perfect ten and two. He’s looking straight ahead when he says, “Don’t ever look at my phone again.”
I gape at him. “It’s been going off the whole drive!”
When he finally looks at me, I know that cold, empty look has nothing to do with what happened in the Briar Cliffs. This is the same expression he was wearing this morning. Shuttered and blank. “I don’t have any right to your life, but you have the right to mine?”
I swallow, something heavy and bitter landing in the pit of my stomach. “What’s the big deal?”
“I told you I don’t like him knowing my business. I had a reason.” His nostrils flare, the muscle in the back of his jaw ticking. “You should have stayed upstairs.”
It finally hits me then. “This has all been about this morning, hasn’t it?” I know in my bones that I’m right. That Sebastian is unpredictable and impulsive at the best of times, but his behavior today has been sharply pointed, completely lacking in warmth. “I knew something was—you’ve been such an asshole all day. What the fuck, Bass?”
Instead of answering me, he shifts in his seat, something chilling in his voice when he says, “You were right, you know. All that shit you said before about me chasing you, even after you pulled a knife on me like a psycho.” His gaze swings to me, eyes like ice. “But did you ever wonder what it meant that you came to a new school, looking for a new life, every option open to you, and not even three months in, you’re dating the guy who clocked your ass unconscious?”
I blink at him, completely taken aback. I work my mouth around about a dozen aborted replies. The only thing that emerges is, “Are you shitting me right now?”
“What does that mean?” He asks, ignoring me as we pass Merle’s garage, three miles from campus. “Probably that you have shitty taste in guys. You’ve never been as mad at me as when I was trying to do something nice for you. So what does it mean?” He looks at me, but doesn’t give me a chance to answer. “It means that dealing with abusive assholes is what you know. So I don’t know, Sugar. Why have I been an asshole all day?”
The accusation lands like a blow, mostly because it’s something that’s been tickling at the back of my consciousness since that first kiss. I jumped right out of the fire with Doug and back into it with Sebastian—someone that, from day one, I knew had a violent temper. Until this morning, I thought everything was fine. That, despite all that ugliness and baggage, we were good for one another. What happened? What changed?
One thing.
One fucking thing.
“You want to know what I think?” I ask, already feeling sick with the reality of it. “I think you’ve been an asshole because maybe you finally got what you wanted.”
“What are you talking about?” he asks, tilting his head toward me. His eye is starting to look bad, bruising dark around his nose.
Clarity crashes down like shattered glass. “It was all about the sex, wasn’t it? I’m just another Sydney. Another Georgia. Another fucking notch on that beam in the tower.”
He glares out the windshield, fists wrapped tight around the steering wheel, and doesn’t even bother telling me that I’m wrong.
Instead, he shrugs.
“Let me out,” I say, quiet at first. Then, louder, “Let me out,” and louder, “Let me the fuck out!”
He doesn’t argue, whipping the car into the Nerd’s parking lot and slamming on the brakes. I feel like I fall out of the passenger side more than anything, stumbling as I reach back to slam the door. Hot tears prick at my eyes, but I won’t let them fall. I’ve already cried over two assholes today.
Not anymore.
“Shit.” My hands shake as I enter the code into Hayden’s security keypad. The light blinks red, signaling that I’ve messed up again. “Shit. Shit. Shit!”
“Hey,” a voice says, “did you forget the code?”
I turn around and see a girl that I recognize from around campus. “Yeah,” I say, shoving my hands in my pockets and stepping aside. “Totally blanked.” It doesn’t help that my hands feel frozen solid. The walk to campus is bad enough even when it isn’t cold as hell.
“It happens to me at least once a semester.” She jabs her fingers into the keypad and the green light blinks, unlocking the door.
“Thanks,” I reply, wondering how my voice can be so calm while my entire world is falling apart, piece by piece. I feel dazed as I walk upstairs to my room and, thankfully, find that the door is already unlocked.
Pushing it open, I see Georgia lying on her bed, smiling at her phone screen. I turn and determinedly face my own bed, toeing my shoes from my sore feet, hoping she hasn’t noticed my splotchy face and sore eyes.
Fucking bastard.
“Oops, gotta go. Bye,” she says, turning it off, sitting up to fold her legs. “Hey. How are the kittens? How was the trip home?”
I blink, suddenly remembering the kittens. I’d totally forgotten about them in the chaos. “The kittens were good when we left this morning. In good hands with their housekeeper, I think.” I toss my bag on the bed. “The trip home?” My voice cracks, giving me away. “Not so great.”
Georgia frowns and I hear the creak of her climbing off her bed. “Oh no. What happened?”
My whole body goes on alert, feeling her closing in, and I hold up my hand, backing away. “I wouldn’t even fucking know where to start.”
Respecting my personal space, she goes back to her bed, watching me sympathetically. “How about from the beginning?”
I sink heavily to my bed. The blanket is still mussed from the last time I was in it. Yesterday morning. Jesus, has it really only been one day? With a deep breath, I meet Georgia’s worried gaze. “We spent the day at Sebastian’s house. Abby had her kittens. We ate dinner. We—we had a good time. It was nice, you know?”
She nods in understanding. “Sounds good.”
“And then, last night we…” I deflate, rubbing a hand down my face. “We had sex.”
Her eyebrows crawl her forehead. “Oh.”
“And it was good. Everything was good. But when I woke up this morning, he was gone.”
She frowns. “What do you mean ‘gone’?”