With collar that is squeezing my neck and with cord that is attaching all of us, I am not able to be seeing map in my head, so I am not knowing where we are going. I am just knowing that it is being small time between when we are moving and when there is explosion that is throwing all of us all over the place like shaking pepper on jollof rice.
Instantly, I am hearing gunshot and everything is sounding like war again like in my rememberings. Part of me is wanting to move and be joining and my hand is aching for gun, but part of me is seeing cord connecting us and collar and knowing that if we are doing this thing something bad is happening to us. But then I am hearing sound like something is sticking to back door, then sparking and sizzling like something is burning, then all light inside van is shutting down with popping sound and everything is dark, and I am seeing that there is no longer cord connecting all of us. Our collar is no longer beeping.
Back door is blowing open like someone is ripping it away, then someone is climbing in fast fast with light in one hand and shockblade in other hand and they are going up and down line and putting blade to the metal thing covering our hands and it is falling away and we are moving our fingers again.
Now with door open I am hearing katakatakatakata of gunfire with puhBOOM of grenade, and as soon as I am no longer having metal on my hand or collar on my neck, I am running out of van where everything is smoke and there is being blood on the ground and it is wet under my feet and some people is coughing but I am not because all of this is feeling familiar to me. Like I am being here before. The world is coming to me again in lights and I am seeing everything, even map in my head of compound, and I am seeing even more than that. I am seeing from every camera in police station that is being behind me, and even though it is far away and there is long road between us and it and we are near to pathway in forest, I am seeing it clearly.
Without looking, I am picking up gun that is being on the ground and I am taking cord from my neck and I am plugging it into police that is at my feet but who is being cut in half and his legs are being far away. Even as policeman is dying, I am hearing through his comms network everything his comrade is saying and shouting, and there is many shouting shouting and puhBOOM and katakata. I am disconnecting, and when I am looking up I am seeing all of my sibling but I am also seeing other girl. Some are being older and taller and they are having bandana wrapping around their faces and some are wearing masks and some are having painting on them, and they are looking at us with gun in their hand and not saying anything until one is stepping forward.
“Go into the forest. There is a rescue vehicle waiting for you there. To take you to safety,” this girl is saying.
“Where is Ify?” I am asking, and some of my sibling is looking at me strange because they are never hearing me speak like red-blood before.
“Come with us,” the first girl is saying.
But another girl is stepping forward and pulling the bandana down from her face and saying, “I think who you are looking for is back at the compound, but—”
“Shut up!” is screaming the first one. Then she is turning to me, but before she is saying any more thing, I am moving from corpse to corpse and picking up gun and knife and ammunition clips and putting them in my pocket. And this girl is saying thing like more people are coming to get us and that police compound is many kilometers away, but none of this is meaning anything to me.
Then Uzodinma is seeing me, and I am stopping collecting weapons.
I have to go back, I am telling him, and he is seeing not just Ify as I last saw her, at Kufena Hills, but Ify as she is always appearing in my rememberings. Ify as little girl, Ify as older girl, so many different Ifys, and I am feeling in my body that I am loving all of them, and I need to know why. All of this, I am saying to Uzo when I am saying, I have to go back.
Instead of Uzodinma saying word to me, he is showing me image and recording of all of us being together in the forest. He is showing footage of some of us sitting down and finding peace or climbing tree or playing game and giggling or teaching each other thing. It is taking me several second before I am understanding what he is saying. I have to protect them, he is telling me. And it is not until now that I am looking at him like leader. But they are not calling him Commandant. They are calling him Uzo and sometime they are calling him Commandant, and I am wishing that when I am being child of war, I am having Uzodinma with me, because then maybe I am feeling less alone.
But I am saying, Protect them, and then I am realizing that this might be the last time I am seeing Uzodinma. I am having rememberings in me of people when they are to be parting and they are hugging, so I am going to Uzodinma and even though there is rifle and knife in my hands, I am hugging him. I am not caring that we are looking strange to the people watching, because I am feeling love for Uzodinma and I am wanting him to know I am feeling this thing.
Then I am running away.
* * *
■ ■ ■ ■ ■
I am running, and while I am running I am aiming and shooting. And I am hitting tires of jeeps, and they are swerving back and forth and skidding and making screeching noise, and as they are toppling, I am leaping over them and climbing over them and running back to the police station. And in the beginning I am not knowing why I am doing this, but then I am seeing in my mind eye the last face I am seeing before they are putting me in van. I am seeing face of Ify.
I am running into cloud of smoke that is covering everything and I am shooting and shooting and jumping, and immediately after I am jumping through hole in wall, I am falling falling falling onto railing and I am seeing that there is being prison underneath top floor of police station.
There is being chaos all around me and I am hearing alarm bell wailing and there is being smoke everywhere and people are coughing but there is fighting so much fighting. All of the cell are being open, and the prisoner is fighting with the soldier and police who is guarding them, and there is water flooding into place because building is trying to put out fire inside itself.
Rock is falling from above, and I am seeing hole in ceiling that is showing upper level of police station.
I am finding soldier and police behind me and they are chasing me, but I am running to them and jumping and climbing on them so I am reaching up to catch wire that is hanging down from ceiling, and I am climbing fast fast because ceiling is cracking and piece are falling. I am swinging myself up onto main floor and is more blood and bodies here but there is light from sun, and I am in hallway and down hallway I am seeing pile of rubble, and under the rubble is being Ify. She is being covered in dust like snow and is not moving but I am seeing that her vital sign are still showing themself to me, even though they are being lower than normal.
As I am beginning to be running to her, something is grabbing my arm and twirling me around. It is girl from forest with bandana wrapping around her face.
“Come with me,” she is hissing.
“No!” I try to break free, but she is not letting me, so I am hitting her wrist and trying to break it, then I am shifting my feet to be with my back to her, and I am flipping her over me and slamming her on the ground. Then I am leaping over her and running, but I am not getting far before something is wrapping around my leg, and I am flipping myself so rope is not catching both of my leg, and I am flinging elastic rope away from me and spinning and running to Ify, who is being trapped under big big stone.