Static.
Light is coming into room, spilling like water. And I am hearing door opening. But it is old door because it is creaking and it is squeaking and light is suddenly everywhere, and I am having to be closing my eyes against it. Static. I am waiting to be hearing hard footstep but instead it is soft like swish swish and I am knowing this is the sound of sand. Static. There is being sand in this room where I am hanging. And I am hearing sizzling too and knowing that something is burning even if I am not smelling it, and I am knowing that I am not smelling thing because my nose is being broken. Many thing in me is broken but I am not feeling pain.
Static.
Man is walking into the room and he is spitting on me and telling me I am not human and that I am rubbish to be thrown into ocean. Static. He is holding shockstick and he is hitting me in my stomach and chest and side with it, and he is hitting me so hard on my back that he is breaking the shockstick.
Static.
There is a boy with him. They are calling me enemy combatant.
Static.
I am synth, and I am not having pain receptor in my brain, and it is this that is making me not to be feeling thing even though many thing inside me is broken.
Static.
Man is gone but boy is staying and I am raising my head to be seeing his face, and when he is looking at me he is smiling so his teeth are shining yellow like corn they are selling by the street and I am seeing the way hair is over his face and the way the skin on his knuckles is broken, and I am seeing the vest he is wearing and the patches and I am knowing that he is soldier too and that he is with what I am knowing is a militia and they are small small army but they are killing just like soldier.
Static.
And boy is looking at me like I am something to be eating and then he is reaching behind him and pulling cord from his neck and he is walking close to me and he is putting cord in my neck and suddenly I am feeling everything.
Static.
I am feeling the breaking in my ribs and in my back and in my crotch and in my arms and in my head and he is smiling at me and saying now I will be feeling these thing and he is raising his stick and I
am screaming and opening my eyes at Enyemaka, whose eye is glowing red at me, and I am biting my teeth and my whole body is shivering but I am on one knee and still upright and pain is pushing me down to the ground, but I am staying as I am and I am holding my cord in my hand and squeezing, and it is this squeezing that is pulling me out of the remembering. And Enyemaka is not letting go of my arm but I am pulling hard against her and pulling and pulling and pulling until I am hearing giant metal RIP and Enyemaka’s arm is lying in red dust but the hand is still gripping me. I am falling onto the ground but coming back to my feet quick and slamming the arm on the ground until it is letting go of me, then I am seeing Enyemaka turning to me. My cord is hanging loose behind me like long piece of hair. And Enyemaka’s eye is still glowing. I am picking up arm and I am raising it like boy in remembering is raising his stick and there is passing one moment where I am hesitating because I am loving Enyemaka and she is caring for me and she is giving me purpose, but then she is lying to me and I am telling myself that they are the same but maybe this one is different. Maybe this one is being the bad one, but I am not letting myself to think these thing for long because she is stepping closer to me and I am closing my eyes and swinging. And when I am hearing the metal crash against the metal it is making me to be sadding, and Enyemaka is falling but I am not stopping and I am bringing the arm up and down, up and down, up and down until Enyemaka’s face is just small small pieces of metal on the ground.
When I am finished, I am looking down at Enyemaka, who is expiring, and I am wanting it to not be this way, but her eye is still glowing red, then it is glowing green for one moment and I am thinking that she is back to Enyemaka who is loving me, then is no more glowing. Just darkness.
The earth is moving under my feet. Pebble is bouncing and bone is rattling. Then I am looking and I am seeing cloud of red dust forming on the ground in the distance. It is rising high and high and being so thick it is blocking the sun. They are coming.
The Enyemaka are coming for me.
And I am running.
* * *
■ ■ ■ ■ ■
Green is showing ahead of me, and even though it is being far away, it is poking over the edge of the ground, and I am seeing treetops. I am feeling heat eating me inside and I am knowing that what is happening to Onyii when she is getting sick and dying is happening to me too. People are calling it cancer and though I am knowing that it is eating human thing and changing blood and organ to be poison, it is also doing something like this to metal. I am feeling inside me that thing is breaking. Thing that is making me to be running forever and never tiring, thing that is making me to be breathing air and processing it and exhaling it, thing that is making me to think with my brain, thing that is giving me feeling in my heart.
All of sudden air is coming easy to me and my chest is not making rasping noise when I am breathing. I am not feeling heavy and there is being wetness in the air and it is cooling my face. I am not hearing the hissing I am always hearing in the Redlands, the sound of important thing burning, and I am falling to my knees on the other side of what is like invisible wall between world that is poison and world that is not trying to be killing me.
Tree is closer to me, and I am being happy to be seeing so much green because it is like it is saying to me, Welcome, and it is opening arm to me and telling me to come inside. I am picking myself up and looking behind me and seeing that the Enyemaka are becoming closer. They are moving so fast even though they are looking like they are moving slow slow but I am knowing how much ground they are eating beneath them and the sound of their running is like giant THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP against the ground like army of juggernaut is chasing me. It is making me think of Lagos and the first time I am feeling fear but I am throwing that remembering away and turning to the forest and running because it is cool and safe and familiar and I am knowing how to be climbing trees and hiding under big leaves and telling where is shorthorn and where is passing wulfu and other animals.
It is always feeling like it is just finished raining in forest, like it is bubble holding living thing and protecting them from angry, dangerous world, and I am just one more thing it is protecting. I am running over root and sliding over tree trunk that is falling sideways. Baby wulfu is looking at me as I am running by then returning to their play and it is like being with friend again.
All while I am hiding, I am thinking on why Enyemaka is lying to me and telling me that there is oasis when there is no oasis and I am thinking that Enyemaka is not caring for me, only pretending to be caring for me and caring what is happening to me. And now even in forest I am starting to be feeling cold and alone because everyone is lying to me and no one is caring for me and I am thinking this is maybe mistake in how I am being made that I am wishing someone is caring for me. Part of me is just wanting to give up and let Enyemaka use me for what she is wanting. But other part of me, bigger part of me, is remembering what I am hearing from Uzodinma and Oluwale and what we are saying to each other about making my own future and being my own person.