Gigi is shaken, her mouth paused in a small pale-pink O. Her eyes are wet, though tears have yet to spill, and her hand grips Cassie’s arm. She looks broken, devastated. Alec, too, seems tense, his shoulders stiff. He keeps a safe distance from both Gigi and Bette, clearly caught off guard, as if he didn’t know about this surprise return. And Eleanor, well, she’s deathly pale, panicked, like she’s about to make a run for it. But why? Are she and Bette still not talking?
I knew when Bette found that video that it would only be a matter of time before she returned. A few days ago, when we rehearsed at her place, she told me about her audition with Damien. It must have gone well for them to bring her back so quickly.
An odd satisfaction settles into my stomach. Now we can get back to normal, sort of. And for once, I have an ally. Who would have ever thought it would be Bette?
Bette does a little curtsy. She looks around the room, enjoying her moment, basking in it like a small, feminine version of Mr. K. “I’m excited to be back where I belong.”
We all wait for her to say more, but she just steps aside, letting Mr. K continue his speech. “Thank you so much for returning to the fold here, Bette. We’re so glad to have you back.”
The whispers start then, like a strong undercurrent, threatening to pull the whole night under. I hear the words Will and crying and gone spreading throughout the room. Could it really have been Will? But he and Gigi were friends, so close. It must be a lie.
Mr. K turns his focus to the bulletin board, and that gets everyone’s attention. “Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for.” He flourishes his hands this way and that, like a confused magician. “I present to you the Swan Lake cast list.”
His assistant nods and walks over to the bulletin board, where she pins it up with a red thumbtack.
Dancers rush past me, bumping me left and right. A small crowd forms around the bulletin board instantly, but I can’t bring myself to move. My legs feel like lead, heavy and useless.
Bette appears by my side. Excitement radiates from her skin. “You ready?” Her teeth gleam as she grins, blinding like an unforgiving sun. “This is it!”
That’s what I’m afraid of. My future is whatever’s on that paper tonight. I’d almost rather not know. I catch Gigi’s eye as Bette leads me away, and the look of devastation, of betrayal on her face when she sees us together sends my heart plummeting to the bottom of me, making my feet feel even heavier and more unyielding.
“C’mon.” Bette pulls me along. It’s only a few feet, but it feels like miles, like slow motion, as I listen to others call out and cheer, to Alec whooping it up in the background while Henri rubs Cassie’s back, comforting her.
Sei-Jin and Riho are whispering to each other when I get to the front. I hear them mention the Little Swans. “That’s amazing!” Sei-Jin’s telling Riho. “To get that when you’re just a Level Six? You’re on your way!” I can’t help but wonder who else will round out the quartet. It’s not a true solo, but given the footwork, the coordination, the synchronization, it’s a challenging variation. It means Mr. K sees something good in Riho. They jump up and down with glee, and I figure Sei-Jin’s happy with being a Little Swan, since this performance marks the end of the road for her.
Sei-Jin smirks at me as Bette and I push our way through, and she doesn’t back away. She wants to see my reaction to the list. She wants to watch my future unfold, good or bad.
The single page pinned to the wall is already crumpling with the dashed hopes and dreams of many, and the beaming cheers of so very few. Bette’s head blocks it for the first few seconds, and I can’t see anything but her golden halo. When she turns around, her cheeks are flushed and she’s shouting. “I’m Odile! I’m the Black Swan. Can you believe it?”
Yes, I can believe it. It’s the perfect part for her, capturing that dark, sharp edge that separates her from Adele, as much as they may look alike. She’ll bring something to Odile that no other dancer here could—it’ll be a career-defining turn. If she’s Odile, that means Mr. K’s cast Gigi as Odette. It will be a study in contrast, no doubt bringing him glee. But if the role was traditionally cast—with one dancer as Odette/Odile—who would’ve been chosen?
I finally work my way up to the front. I’m listed alongside Eleanor, Sei-Jin, and Riho as one of the Little Swans. I’m also cast as the Baroness, another semisolo turn that requires some skill.
“That’s not bad at all.” Bette’s looking at the list again, finally realizing that this moment isn’t just about her. She nods at me with some appreciation. “I mean, it’s not Odette or Odile, but you’ll do well in those roles. You’ll show them you can shine.”
But even as she says it, the truth echoes in my head, my future laid bare in black and white. I’m not in the top three here. I’m barely in the top eight. Most of the other girls who’re cast as swans or lower will be smart about things and consider college, or set up auditions at other companies—Boston, San Francisco, LA—which will start right after the holidays.
Maybe I should, too.
Maybe this dream is over.
SWAN LAKE CAST LIST
Odette: Gigi Stewart
Odette Understudy: Eleanor Alexander
Odile: Bette Abney
Odile Understudy: Riho Nakamura & Cassandra Lucas
Queen (Princess Regent): Cassandra Lucas
Prince Siegfried: Alec Lucas
Wolfgang (Siegfried’s Tutor): Eddie Rothstein
Von Rothbard: Henri Dubois
The Baroness: E-Jun Kim
Prince’s Friends: Rebecca McAllister, Isabela Pereira-Carvalho
Benno: James Zhabin
The Cygnets: Eleanor Alexander, Sei-Jin Kwon, Riho Nakamura, E-Jun Kim
Two Swans: Ming-Lee Chang & Cassandra Lucas
Spanish Dancers: Svetlana Novikova-Chastain & Jin Park; Riley Washington & Ahmad Lawrence
Neapolitan Dancers: James Zhabin & Emily Stein
Hungarian Dancers: Christopher Griffin & Eleanor Alexander
Mazurka: Riho Nakamura & Zachary Lim; Fredo Martinez & Hye-Ji Yi; Sara Rosen & Thomas Cauman
Swan Corps: Level 6 & 7 Dancers
ACT II
Spring Season
25.
Gigi
AT LUNCH THE NEXT DAY, all anyone in the café can talk about is Bette.
“I can’t believe she’s back.”
“She looks really good. Different, sort of.”
“How did she get a role without being here at school?”
“Do you think she’s still evil?”
“She might not have pushed Gigi, but she’s not innocent.”
Through every spoonful of soup I eat and in between every bite Cassie takes of her salad is her name. It gets louder and louder, like the rumble of the subway under your feet. It’s all I can hear. Then there’s an awestruck, curious silence as she walks right into the room with Alec and goes straight for the fruit bar.
Cassie pets my arm like it’s the back of a cat. I try to focus on my carrot soup and the slice of toast on my plate. Bette’s eyes flutter over me as she passes. She and Alec sit at an adjacent table. She smiles and laughs, acting as if it isn’t a completely huge deal that she’s back.