Too late.
I glared at Ron. “Who is she?”
He waved us forward toward the table. “Come on. I’ll introduce you.”
LJ grabbed onto my sleeve and dragged me forward.
My feet hit the floor with Frankenstein steps. With each one a new trap door opened.
“We both haven’t been the best about sharing, so I thought I’d share something with you.” He smiled at Nora and stood behind his seat, holding onto the back of the chair like we were sitting down for a nice family dinner. Nothing out of the ordinary here.
“I’m so happy to finally meet you, Marisa. Ron has told me so much about you.” She patted Ron’s arm.
“Funny, he hasn’t said a word about you.” I cut my eyes to him.
LJ cleared his throat and extended his hand for a shake.
She took it, her smile wavered the tiniest bit.
My blood rushed from my head and I swayed, catching myself on the back of my chair.
Her smile was warm and so were her eyes. It wasn’t until it faltered that I noticed the hand reached out toward me.
Not in the mood for pleasantries, I pulled my hat off and shoved it into my coat pocket. Was I being a child? Probably, but Ron had just sprung a girlfriend on me out of nowhere. No consideration, no asking, no warning.
I’d always figured football was his life. It was all he had time for and all he’d ever make time for. But here was a living, breathing example of how untrue that was. It tapped into a new well of anger I hadn’t known existed.
He had a girlfriend, and he’d invited her to dinner.
A feeling built in the back of my throat, traveling up to my nose and burning in my nostrils. Pressure and moisture. I blinked, staring at the table. No grocery store lasagna tonight. Everything here looked homemade, down to the brownies sliced and stacked on a fall-themed plate.
LJ tugged my chair out. “Marisa, sit.” He ducked his head and whispered into my ear. “Are you okay?”
Instead of answering, I plopped down without taking off or even unbuttoning my coat.
Stilted conversation flowed around me. Silverware, glasses, serving utensils and plates clinked and scraped against one another as everyone filled their plates. LJ plopped roast beef, mashed potatoes and green beans onto mine after several attempts to get me to pick up my plate.
“And the kids were so happy to pick out their costumes.”
That sent a jolt straight through me. “Kids?”
Nora looked from Ron to me. “Yes, I have an eight-year-old girl and six-year-old twin boys. Ron was so great and took them out to find their Halloween costumes.”
My head whipped from her to him.
He smiled at her. Not the forced, unsure kind he gave me, but a full-on smile. So comfortable. They weren’t newly dating. It had been a while. He’d been playing dad to her kids for a while. He set down his silverware and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “It wasn’t a big deal. I was happy to do it.” His hand fell on top of hers.
I fisted my hands in my lap. “You took her kids shopping for Halloween?” The words wobbled and swayed. The burning moisture was back, slamming into the back of my nose and creeping toward the corners of my eyes. I cleared my throat.
“They’re good kids.”
“Right. Good kids.” I gasped like I’d been flung into a vacuum. Gulping down a breath, I turned back to Nora. “How long have you two been dating?”
She shot Ron a concerned look. “A little over a year now.”
They’d been dating for over a year. And he was pissed about me not telling him about the fire when he’d been dating Nora over here since last October. Had he taken her kids costume shopping last Halloween too? I’d been a ghost or a face-painted zombie for most Halloweens growing up. LJ’s parents would’ve taken me shopping, but I hadn’t wanted much, and God knew my mom couldn’t spare a few dollars for a costume—not when there was grain alcohol in the tristate area. “Wow, that’s amazing. So wonderful you’re bonding with them already.”
Her smile was blown-glass brittle. “It took a while before we were ready, but they’re getting along great. The kids adore Ron, and I was so happy I could come over to finally meet you.”
“What made you think this was a good idea?” I glared at my father and wiped my sleeve across my nose.
He sighed. “I wanted to show you that I am not this horrible person you think I am.”
This was worse. Because he obviously hadn’t been to her kids. But he’d dropped off the face of the Earth and ignored his own. My neck heated, the blood drumming in my veins, and I twisted my fingers in my lap, trying to keep it all together.
“All you’ve managed to show me is that you’ve been more of a father to these kids you barely know than you ever were to me.” My voice cracked.
LJ covered my hands with his.
If I looked at him, I’d shatter.
“You think you’re the only one who’s been through a lot.” He shot a placating look of mild embarrassment to Nora. His look of ‘I told you she was dramatic’ or some other bullshit.
I shot up from my chair, anger waging war in my chest. “You know nothing about me or my life!”
“And whose fault is that, Marisa? We’ve been doing this for almost two years and you refuse to say anything more than a few words to me. I thought if Nora was here—”
“Because I don’t want to be here. You had your chance to be my father, and you walked away without a second thought.” Now the tears burned their way from my ducts. I’d sworn I wouldn’t cry over him again. I’d thought I was numbed to whatever crap he could pull. Turns out I was wrong, and I hated not being able to control all these old feelings that made me feel like an abandoned little girl all over again.
He banged his fist on the table. “Is that what you think? You think I didn’t give you a second thought after I left?”
“It sure as hell didn’t feel like it when my mother rattled off the lists of all the reasons you’d split. When I waited up at night sitting on the front step on my birthdays hoping maybe, just maybe you’d come. When I’d tell Santa all I wanted was for Ron to come and rescue me. When my mom was so fucking drunk I had to drive us back from a restaurant at twelve years old.” My hands shook. Old feelings of betrayal and anger roared through my head, making it hard to think. I was getting lightheaded. My chest tightened, and I sniffed, trying not to break down.
“I wanted to be there for you.” He shot up from his seat.
“But you weren’t.” I brushed away the burning tears, the ones that showed up at the worst possible moment. These were the tears that came when I was trying to stay strong, and sadness and anger collided like a thunderstorm overhead. “And I was stuck with an alcoholic mother who was sure to tell me every single day how much I’d screwed up her life.”
LJ rocked back in his chair, nearly tipping it over.
I looked to him, hating the shock and worry in his eyes.
“Marisa, why didn’t—”
“I’m sick and tired of this. I didn’t tell you, LJ, because you didn’t even have the concept of what it was like to have a shitty parent. Your mom was late picking you up that first day we met because her car got a flat. She showed up apologizing a hundred times and took us both to get ice cream when you said I was waiting too.”