Shit, had I screwed up? Was it terrible, and now she knew why? Embarrassment sent me from half-mast to floppy noodle in a split second. Was she going back and finding that it all made sense now? I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and pretended I didn’t know why they were expired. Not that lying to her had ever been easy. Holding onto one big lie was pretty much my limit.
“Me too,” she whispered.
It barely made it over the pounding of my heart trying to escape up my throat. “You too, what?”
She peeked at me before dropping her gaze again, licking those full lips that I needed to taste again. “I—I’m a virgin too. Well, I was…” Her lips twitched.
I rocked back nearly toppling her off my lap.
Her hands shot out, grabbing for my shoulder and I stared into her eyes, blown away by her confession and the years of jealousy I’d dealt with thinking about the guy who’d gotten to do more than just sleep beside her.
Her shoulder jumped and her fingers tickled the back of my neck, raising goosebumps all over my body. “It just never felt right.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”
She jabbed her finger into my chest. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Holy shit, Marisa was a virgin. I’d devirginized her. Those words detonated in my skull. “I’d have made sure to go slower or…”
“If you’d gone any slower I’d have been fifty by the time we actually did it.” A playful shove.
Relief that some things between us were still the same brought a smile to my face.
“I was trying to be considerate. And take my time. And not come within three strokes.” I wriggled my fingers into her side.
She squirmed and yelped, trying to get off my lap before sobering. “How was it?” The corner of her bottom lip disappeared into her mouth.
Lifting her chin with my finger, I stared into her eyes not wanting a shadow of doubt or worries to invade her head when she thought about what we’d just done. “I should be asking you the same thing. Isn’t it usually guys who screw up the first time for the girl?”
Her fingers skimmed along my chest, tracing the patterns of my muscles.
My dick responded, ready to live up to my tease about making it through the whole strip of condoms.
“Maybe, but I don’t have any complaints. It was amazing.” Wonder filled her voice.
Breath trapped in my lungs escaped. My cheek twitched. “I know, I should’ve been doing it years ago.”
Her gaze narrowed and she grabbed a pillow, whacking me with it. “Too late now. I’ve got the first place spot on your bedpost.” She pumped her hands overhead and made fake crowd cheering noises.
“Have I told you you’re the worst?” I relaxed against the wall, watching her gloating glow, still fully aware of our nakedness and unable to take my eyes off her. Things didn’t feel one bit awkward. It felt like us, but better. I wanted more of this. A lot more. “Don’t I get the same spot?”
Her lips curved in a sassy, smirk. “I guess I’ll allow it.” She slid off my lap and grabbed a t-shirt—my t-shirt—and pulled it on. Climbing on the bed, she sat beside me with her back resting against the wall. “What a pair we are—two 22-year-old virgins.”
“Maybe there’s more of us out there than we think.” I nudged her with my elbow, no longer feeling like I was alone or had been crazy for waiting for her. Not when we got to have this together.
“Maybe…” The lip nibble was back on.
“Are you having regrets?” My stomach knotted and soured. God, I hoped not. It was the best night of my life.
“No! Are you?”
“Not a single one.” Then the mantle of reality and responsibility dropped onto my shoulders. After the blow-up Marisa had at her dad’s house today, she wasn’t in the best frame of mind. Emotions were heightened.
She might never have slept with me, if what had happened at his house hadn’t happened.
I also didn’t want her to use this as another thing to piss him off—for her sake, for the sake of what might be salvageable in their relationship, and for my sake. I hated the shitty, selfish feeling gnawing at my gut for even thinking of it. There were fewer than six weeks left in the season, and I needed to salvage what I could. “But maybe we don’t tell anyone about this for now.”
Her shoulders stiffened and her lip fell free from between her teeth. “We should keep this quiet.”
I couldn’t tell if it was a question or not, but I pushed forward for both our sakes. “Do you really want the guys—hell everyone who’s ever said we have the hots for one another—to get the satisfaction? They’ll never let us live it down, and they’ll probably assume any time we’re alone we’re having sex. Then there’s the other guys on the team. It could cause problems there, if we’re out…”
She drew her knees up to her chest. “And then there would be all kinds of questions about our plans for the future. What we’re doing after graduation. It’s not like we’re dating or anything.” She shrugged. “Especially since I got the Guggenheim Fellowship. I’ll leave for Venice two weeks after graduation.”
The war between pride and happiness brought out the big guns, trying to push out hesitancy, heartache and hatred for a whole damn city.
“You did it.” That piece of information had burrowed into my brain like a shard of glass over the past couple hours.
“I did.” She sat up straighter, but pride and anxiety washed over her face. “I’m totally on board with the ‘don’t tell anyone’ thing. It would bring up way too many questions.” She put up her pinkie.
I hooked it and tugged her closer, letting our lips brush before running my tongue over the gap between her lips and demanding entrance.
She sighed and I deepened the kiss, wanting to spend the next seven months imprinting the memory of me on every part of her to tide her over while we were apart.
The front door opened. Heavy footfalls rattled the house.
I shot back and flew off the bed. “It’s Berk.” Picking up my clothes, I searched for my shoes. I jumped into my boxers.
“He might not even know you’re in here.”
“Hey, LJ, you here? I saw your car outside.”
Shit! He’d be up here any second. “My shirt.” I waved my fingers at her.
With one moment of hesitation, she put an opposite hand on either side of the shirt and whipped it up over her head before flinging it to me.
I tugged it on and grabbed my shoes.
The stairs creaked.
Diving onto the bed, I planted a kiss on her before rushing out of her room. Dropping my shoes beside my door, I got my jeans on and slid into my desk chair, shooting it five feet from the desk and banging into my bed.
Digging my heels in, I scurried to my desk and propped my head up on my hand and slipped open a notebook. My heart raced for a whole different reason right now and I swallowed, trying to look natural. Just a regular evening, here at home. Studying.
Berk popped his head in. “There you are. Why didn’t you say anything when I came in?”
“I was studying. I probably zoned out or something. What’s up?”
“Your notebook is upside down.”