“Like a date?”
“Not like a date,” he said, sounding unsure of himself.
I didn’t know what to say. DJ had rendered me speechless even as a couple of things clicked into place. I would’ve bet money, if money had mattered aboard the ship, that Jenny had known about DJ’s plan. She’d probably helped him organize it.
“I practiced cooking after you went to bed, and I’m not as good as you, but I made some spaghetti and garlic bread and a salad. It’s not much, and I didn’t mean to spring it on you, but I thought you’d like the surprise. This doesn’t have to be a big deal. Just dinner. We spend a lot of time together, but we don’t hang out much.” As DJ kept talking, sweat beaded on his forehead and upper lip. It rolled down his temples and was probably soaking his back.
“Will you just say something, Noa? Yell at me for tricking you or smile or something.”
I held up my hands and backed away. “No thank you.” I turned and ran out of the garden. DJ’s voice calling my name followed me as I threw open the door and headed to my quarters. I reached them and locked myself in. I crawled into bed, shut off the lights, pulled my pillow over my head, and closed my eyes.
TWO
THE TIMER I’D SET BEGAN to blare as I opened the oven door. The moment the air hit it, the soufflé collapsed in the middle. It caved in more when I pulled it out of the oven. The whole disaster resembled a delicious chocolate sinkhole.
“Damn it!”
“Problems in the kitchen?” Jenny was sitting at the table, playing with a device the size of an apple that was composed of interlocking triangles. The metallic faces lit up different colors—red and blue and orange and green—as she twisted them into various positions.
“I can’t get this soufflé right. I think something must be wrong with the ovens.” I went to dip my finger into the creamy, spongy mixture, but before I touched it, I had a memory of being burned. I stood staring at the mess in the dish, feeling like I’d done all of this before.
“Jenny?”
“Yeah.”
“Didn’t the hologram say something about the fold drive causing déjà vu?”
Jenny said, “Jamais vu.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Jamais vu is not remembering something you know you’ve experienced. Déjà vu is remembering something you know you haven’t. Why?”
I pulled my apron over my head, tossed it onto the counter, and joined Jenny at the table. “After I took the soufflé out of the oven, I was about to stick my finger into it to taste it when I was overcome with this memory like I’d done it before and had gotten burned.”
Jenny had set aside the game she’d been playing with, but I kept stealing glances at it because there was something familiar about the device. Everything about this day was familiar. “How long did you work in Mrs. Blum’s bakery?”
“A few years.”
“I imagine you burned yourself a couple of times there.”
I held out my hand to show her the faded scars on my fingers and wrists. “More than a couple.”
Jenny nodded like that was the answer she had expected. “See? So you’re probably confusing a time you got burned in the bakery with today.” She picked up the device and began twisting it around. The triangle’s faces changed colors as she shifted the pieces.
“I remember that, too.” I pointed at the puzzle. “What is it?”
“I think it’s a game; like a Rubik’s cube,” she said. “I found it in one of the science labs this morning.”
“Oh.” I buried my face in my hands. “Maybe I’m losing my mind. Being stuck on this ship for weeks has finally broken me, and I’m going quietly insane.”
“Doubtful.” Jenny patted my arm. “But if you’re worried, get MediQwik to check your brain.”
“I did that after I died,” I said. “I was worried because of my father’s history, you know?”
“You told me.”
“MediQwik said I was fine.” I let out a manic laugh. “But it didn’t make me feel much better.”
Jenny sighed. “Because if you were sick, you could get help. You’re not sick, though. You’re just—”
“Here. Yeah.”
“Is that why you’ve been baking so much?” Jenny wasn’t the sensitive, caregiving type. If I tripped and fell, she’d definitely offer to help me up and would ask if I was okay, but only after she finished laughing. So if she was concerned about me, she must have been more worried than she appeared.
“I feel like my life is on pause. Ever since waking up on Qriosity, it’s like I’ve been stuck in this space between moments.” I felt like I wasn’t explaining it well. “Have you used Mind’s Eye to explore Bell’s Cove?”
Jenny nodded. “There’s a cat café in town called BaristaCats—”
“Of course there is.”
“Sometimes I go there to hang out and play with the kitties.” Tears welled in Jenny’s eyes. “I miss August and Teeth.”
“Your cats are named August and Teeth?”
“Shut up,” she said. “You were the one who brought up Mind’s Eye.”
We’d gotten off track, and I had to think back to what we’d been talking about. “Right. Anyway, so you know how when you pause the simulation, the entire world freezes?”
Jenny covertly wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “It’s creepy. The air gets still, the ambient noises disappear. Even the smells vanish.”
“That’s sort of how living on Qriosity feels to me. Like my life is frozen and I’m never going to move forward.”
“But this is your life.”
“Rationally, I get that. I really do. But there’s a part of me that’s still waiting to wake up in my own bed at home. To pick up where I left off with my mom and my friends.”
Jenny bit her bottom lip like she was debating saying something. Finally, she said, “There’s a psychologist in Bell’s Cove.”
“Dr. Kim,” I said. “Yeah. Mr. and Mrs. Darling send Anastasia to see her in the fourth season because they’re worried about the psychological damage being involved in so many gruesome murders might be causing.”
Jenny hesitated again. “I’ve talked to her. Like, as a patient.”
“You have?”
“Yes,” Jenny snapped back. “And, no, I won’t tell you why.”
I held up my hands. “I wouldn’t dream of asking.” I sat quietly for a moment, thinking about Jenny seeking help from Dr. Kim. There was nothing wrong with needing help. In fact, asking for help is one of the bravest things a person can do. I guess I just hadn’t thought about how our situation on Qriosity might be affecting her, and I should have. “Did it help?” I asked. “Talking to Dr. Kim?”
“A little,” Jenny said. “You know how the characters can get when you talk about stuff they don’t understand.”
“Yeah.”
Jenny went back to playing with her puzzle. She twisted and rotated the pieces, causing different parts to light up. I didn’t understand what she was trying to get it to do. I wasn’t sure she understood either.