“You don’t understand what’s down there. I need to find a wa—”
“I know more than you think!” Kash’s hands clenched into white-knuckled fists. His eyes met mine, and I felt his frustration. “And that’s why I forbid you from going.”
I stood up so fast; the chair scraped against the tile floor, startling Kash.
I turned to Marco and the nonobservant Velora and gave them a tight, polite smile. “Excuse me; I’m sorry that I’m not a more gracious host. Please stay as long as you like. Most of the rooms are empty. Pick one.” I waved my hand at the floors above and moved out of the kitchen.
Kash could see I was upset. He followed on my heels as I headed upstairs.
Kash grabbed my wrist, pulling me to a stop. “Rhea, don’t be angry. I’m only trying to protect you.”
“Protect me from whom, Kash? Or from what?”
“Obviously things that you don’t understand,” he vented. “You’ve only just come to Kiln. How could you possibly understand the complexities of our kingdom’s problems and solve them when we’ve been trying to for years?”
“You have no right to tell me what I can and cannot do.” I pulled away, but he didn’t release my wrist.
“Rhea, no matter how powerful you are, you are no match for the king, or his blades. So don’t try anything stupid.”
“I don’t think it’s the king or his blades I need to fear—but you,” I snapped.
“Rhea, what are you talking about?” Kash’s voice broke as he realized I was driving him away.
Giving my hand a hard shake, I escaped his grasp and stormed upstairs to my room to think. I stared out the window, watching the wind scream and blow snow against the panes. In the distance, trees swayed in the wind, their branches like maidens bowing to the moon.
For the next few candle marks, I waited, plotting, and planning and I kept coming to the same conclusion.
I knew I was supposed to wait for Grimkeep, but I felt there was something wrong. He would have come for me by now if he were able. I couldn’t wait for the storm to end. I needed to forge my own way, and not rely on others. Especially not Kash. He couldn't know what I was doing, for it seemed he only wanted to stop me.
When I opened the door to leave my bedroom, someone fell inward with a heavy thud, and I jumped back in surprise.
Kash had been sitting, leaning against my door, and now he lay sprawled on his back, blinking up at me.
“What are you doing?” I asked, my fists resting against my hips in exasperation.
“Guarding you.” Kash stretched his hands above his head to cushion his neck not even attempting to get up from the place where he sprawled on the floor.
“From what?” I frowned.
“From the scary one,” he said.
Just then, Marco came up the stairs and entered the bedroom across from mine. “Not that one.” Kash turned his thumb down the hall as Velora slowed and gave Kash a chilly look before slipping into the room next to Marco’s. “That’s the scary one.”
I couldn’t hide the chuckle. “I don’t need a bodyguard. I can take care of myself.”
He shrugged. “I can’t help it. I feel responsible for you.” Kash got to his feet and leaned on the doorframe to my room, towering over me. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier. Will you come down and sit by the fire with me?” His breath was warm on my cheeks, and the way his eyes dropped and focused on my lips hinted that it wasn’t just talking he wanted to do.
I felt myself moving toward him, wanting to be close, but I stood firm. I didn’t trust him—or more likely, I didn’t trust myself with him. “No, I’m tired. I’m going to go to bed.”
“Okay.” He nodded, his eyes roaming over my face. The corner of his mouth twitched, and he had a mischievous smile. “Be sure to lock your door . . . or don’t,” he added, his voice husky as he spoke the last two words.
Before I could fall under his spell, I slammed the door in his handsome face and turned the key in the lock. I could hear his low chuckle, and it made my stomach tie up in knots. The floorboards creaked as he settled in to protect me. My hand reached for the handle to open the door and let him in, but a stray thought changed my mind and made my blood run cold.
Was Kash my protector, or my prison guard?
That night, my sleep was awful. I tossed and turned and punched my pillow a thousand times as I tried to come to terms with my plan. I would follow him, find out his secret, no matter the cost. Even if the answer meant losing him forever.
My heart already mourned his loss when a soft knock at my door brought me out of my sadness.
I slipped out of bed and opened it to see a forlorn expression on Kash’s face. His hair looked like he spent the night running his hands through it with worry. There were rings under his eyes, but the apprehension lightened when he saw me.
“Rhea, we need to talk.” His voice was soft; pleading. “Each morning I have to—”
“Stop,” I interrupted. “I don’t want to hear it.” I took a deep breath. “I know. . . you’re going to leave again. That’s fine. I’ve come to terms that you have another life that doesn’t include me. And I decided, I don’t want to know what it is. I don’t want to know what you do. What happened between us was an accident. Let’s never speak of it again.” I took a step back from him, already trying to create the distance, as it would emotionally help me disconnect.
Kash stepped inside my room, closing the space between us. “Is that what you want? Or what you think you’re supposed to say?”
Could he hear my heart racing? My shallow breathing? Could he detect the lies falling from my lips?
“I know you’ve been lying to me. I just don’t know why. And I can’t stand liars.”
“Is it a lie if I’m forbidden from telling you?” His lips turned down. He raised a hand to brush his knuckles against my cheek. “Is it a lie to say that I am conflicted day and night, with duty verses my heart? That I want to tell you everything, but I’m unable to, knowing that the truth would only drive you further from me? That these last few nights have been the only joy my heart has seen in years?”
As he spoke, the sun rose. The wood floor warmed under my feet. Kash cast a look behind me at the rays and he sighed as if in pain.
“You need to leave,” I whispered, knowing he did.
“I do,” he groaned, taking a step closer to me. “But I promise I will come back to you. Every night. Just stay here and I will always find you.”
I was proud when I didn’t hesitate, keeping my eyes locked on his as I nodded. “Okay.”
Kash sighed. His relief clear. He leaned forward and brushed his thumb across my lips as if giving them a goodbye kiss. “Till tonight,” he promised.
“Till tonight,” I lied, giving him a smile that didn’t reach my eyes.
Kash seemed to believe me. He gathered his wool cloak and knife from the pile on the floor and headed down the hall. I followed at a distance, stopping at the top of the stairs, and watched as he donned his cloak and left the manor.
As soon as I heard the door close. I grabbed my own packed satchel and cloak and slipped out after him into the storm.