I was flipping out. I could feel myself spiraling, freefalling into a void. I couldn’t stop. Air kept rushing up between my fingers, endless nothing all around and I had nothing to grab, no safety net. Holy Christ, was I having a panic attack? I was a grown ass criminal. We didn’t panic.
“Dav?”
I tried to motion that I was fine, but I couldn’t breathe. Where the fuck had all the air gone?
Nero’s eyes widened as realization struck. “Davien?”
His enormous frame started pushing to his feet. The clumsy attempts sent the cutlery rattling on our plates. The woman with the novel was looking up now, staring in confusion. Somewhere in the distance, something was ringing, a buzzing that somehow penetrated the vortex sucking me in. From the corner of my eye, my phone lit up. Its bright light was blinding, a hazy smudge of white that spiked at the edges, but I could just make out the name flashing across the screen.
Mia.
Mia was texting.
I had a flash of her big, brown eyes and the way the corners of her mouth twitched just before she broke into a smile. I thought of her hair and the way it had looked the night before, splayed across my pillow. I thought of the way she always whispered my name before pulling me into her arms.
Her arms.
Fuck, I loved being held by that woman. I loved the way she smelled and the softness of her skin, and the sound of her voice and the way she laughed at my stupidest jokes. I needed her. God, help me, but I needed her because the very idea of her walking away shattered me on a level I didn’t know how to cope with.
“Dav?” Nero’s face appeared in my line of sight, scattering my fears and uncertainties. “Breathe. It’s fine.”
“What if she says no?” I choked out.
My best friend’s dark eyes blinked, but he didn’t ask who I meant. “Then we go on living our lives.”
How was it that simple? How could it be that simple when I was paralyzed inside?
“I don’t know if I could handle it,” I admitted.
“You can. It’s going to hurt like a motherfucker, but you’re a grown ass man and I’ll be there. We’ll figure it out.”
A glass of cold water was pressed into my shaking hand. I gulped most of it, wore the rest of it down my front, but Nero didn’t comment.
“So much could go wrong.” I put the glass down, feeling steadier. “You do realize that, right? She could only want one of us, she could want neither of us, or worse, she could want both of us.”
Satisfied that I wasn’t about to die in the red, sticky leather of my bench, Nero reclaimed his seat. “How is that worse?”
“Eduardo,” I reminded him. “Alejandro. The number of other ass clowns that could come after her because of us. Loving us isn’t like some book, but we chose this life. She didn’t, and even if she did, she has no idea what she’s signing up for.”
“So, we tell her. We give her all the information. We leave nothing out and let her decide.”
I closed my eyes, hating the calm wave that rolled over me. It was a sense of anticipation and excitement I knew I shouldn’t feel but the idea of maybe … maybe making this work…
“You really think this’ll work?”
His shoulder jerked up. “Only if we make it.”
“Jesus.” I swiped a hand over my face and back into my hair, a bit mortified by the collection of sweat gathering across my skin. “This is actually happening.”
Nero snorted. “Nothing’s happened yet. We need to talk to her first.”
I nodded. “When? Tonight? Do you think we should wait?”
“Dav,” Nero met my gaze and gave me a grin, “calm down. You’re going to freak her out if you barge in there like some crackhead coming off a hit.”
I gulped down a lungful of air, held it in for two heartbeats before letting it out. He was right. I had to get my shit together. I was supposed to be a damn professional.
“Okay,” I wheezed around my second mouthful of oxygen. “I think I’m good.”
“You sure?” he teased.
“Shut up.”
Ignoring his snicker, I picked up my phone. I unlocked the screen and swept open Mia’s message.
And froze.
I read it over twice, then again just to make sure I wasn’t still spiraling in some hysterical vortex.
“What the fuck?”
The humor died on Nero’s face as he stared from me to the device in my hand. “What?” He reached for his own phone. He must have received the same message because he recoiled with a sharp, “What the fuck?”
“Am I … are you reading this?” I snapped, outrage and a new sort of panic crawling up my spine.
“Yeah, I’m reading it. Come on.”
Nero shoved his free hand into the pocket of his jeans and fished out a handful of crumpled bills that was probably way more than our bill and tossed it on the table. I didn’t bother point it out when I scrambled out of my booth, nearly upending the table in my haste. The bell above the door jangled wildly with our exit.
“Call her!” Nero growled, his own thumbs flying over the keypad of his phone.
I already was. I hit the speaker button.
“Hey, this is Mia. I’m not—” the voicemail was immediate and jarring.
I hung up and tried again, then again with the same results.
“She’s not answering my texts either.” Nero shoved his phone into his back pocket. “Okay, we’re going over there.”
I didn’t ask where. My hand was already digging for my keys. They were fisted in my palm by the time we reached the car. Nero dove into the passenger’s side.
Her message twisted through my mind, a barbed wire twining around my thoughts. They’d been so short and simple, yet held the weight and viciousness of a bomb.
“Why?” I heard myself blurt, foot stomping hard on the gas, making the tires spin and fire gravel like bullets. “Why would she…?”
“Her parents, if I had to guess,” Nero growled, head bent over his screen, fingers nearly a blur. “She wouldn’t just leave.”
Of course it was her parents.
We knew firsthand the lengths she would go for them, the sacrifices she would make. It infuriated me even while I admired her loyalty and love, but this was the last straw. I wasn’t about to let this shit slide.
“I’m going to hit him,” I decided, fingers tight around the wheel.
“You’re not hitting anyone,” Nero muttered. “Least of all Mia’s father.”
“He’s the one doing this,” I snapped. “He’s sending her away to keep her from us.”
“You don’t know that,” he retorted, lifting his face at last. “Her message is vague at best.”
I dared a quick sidelong glance at my best friend, contemplating if he’d hit his head at some point that morning. “Please don’t be upset. I’m trying to do the right thing. I’m trying to make things easier. I need to go away for a little while and it’s not because of anything you did. It was me. I made a mistake. You warned me. You both did, but I didn’t listen. I thought maybe I could change your minds. Maybe convince you that we could be together, that I accept you, all of you as you are. I always have. I’ve been in love with you both since I was sixteen. That never changed. I don’t think it ever will. But I can’t be selfish, and I can’t stand to tell you this to your faces and have you tell me I’m an idiot. So, like a true coward, I’m saying it over text. I love you. I’m sorry if that goes against your rules, but I do. I also know what it means so I’m breaking up with you first. Thank you for giving me the last few days. I will never forget them. Love always, Mia.”