FM stared up at the sky, the stars reflecting in her eyes. “I’ll do it.”
“Really?”
She nodded. “I hate the idea of the flight going out without me. I hate that I won’t be there to protect them.”
“You’d be protecting them in a different way,” I said.
“I know. And that’s why I’ll do it. I never wanted to fight, you know. I only wanted to do what was best for the people who don’t have a voice. The people the DDF ignores.”
I nodded. “And I don’t want to get so caught up in the military structure that I forget why we’re doing this. I need your help.”
FM nodded. “You’re going to regret having said that when I start disagreeing with you.”
I laughed. “Probably. But that’s what I need you for.”
“I’ll be sure to remind you of that often.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
FM continued to stare at the sky with a troubled expression.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” I asked. “If you need to think about it—”
“I’m sure,” FM said. “I feel relieved, and I hate myself for it.”
“I don’t think you need to.”
She looked sideways at me. “Does that ever stop you?”
Um. “No. But if it makes you feel better, flying is probably a whole lot easier than getting people to communicate with each other.”
“Probably,” FM said. “And it’s not like our lives won’t still be in danger. But it’s not the same.”
“No,” I said. “It isn’t.” I’d already made calls that put my friends in danger. I was going to have to do it again and again and again. I wasn’t sure how to feel good about that.
Maybe I never would.
Maybe that was because I shouldn’t.
“I’m going to go tell Rig,” FM said.
I wondered if she was agreeing to leave the flight because of him, but I didn’t ask. I wouldn’t judge her for it if she did.
FM looked at me. “If you need to talk more—”
“We’ll do that later,” I said. “You can go.”
I did need to talk more, I realized. I couldn’t do this alone, so it was a good thing I didn’t have to. Right now though…
I wished I could talk to Spensa. I missed her so much I ached. I wanted to know what she thought of all this.
She would believe in me. I was sure of that much. She always believed in me, even when I drove her crazy. The same way I believed in her, even though I hated how far away she was, hated that I didn’t know if she’d make it home.
I reached out, searching for her, and I found that presence again. Doomslug. She was worried about Spensa. I could feel it. So was I.
I’d done some impossible things tonight, things I couldn’t explain. I usually thought of Spensa as the one who pulled off impossible tasks, but apparently she wasn’t the only one.
I wasn’t going to give up on her. I’d keep learning, I’d keep trying, and I’d find a way to help her if I could.
But if not, I would at least make sure she had a home to come back to.