I know yesterday was one of the first times CK joked around with me—just me—without running away, but…damn. If this is the result of witnessing such a miracle, I’m going to be a frazzled basket case before the week is over.
Okay. That’s it. I’m doing it. I’m risking life and limb and texting Em and Kay.
ME: I NEED YOU GUYS!
* * *
ME: CAW-CAW BITCHES!
I wait precisely point eight seconds before following up those two messages with a caw-caw GIF as a third. Doing some quick mental math, I figure I might get lucky and not get reamed out by Kay, since it’s only midnight in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
Otherwise, I might as well have handed her the pen to sign my death warrant.
KAY: OMG. *“Do you have a death wish?” GIF* Tell Abuela Lupe if I wasn’t still awake from tonight’s luau, she’d be planning your funeral right now.
Oh, man, Kay is totally my favorite. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again—she was the best roomie reco ever!
EM: Is it wrong that I am HIGHLY amused by this?
* * *
KAY: WTF? I KNOW I WASN’T SLEEPING, BUT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE! A.M. HOURS ARE THE DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND!
I chuckle as Emma takes the brunt of Kay’s ire and watch as more of those three dots dance on the screen.
EM: Calm your shouty capitals, woman! *Bad Boys “Woooosaaahhh” GIF* I’m not saying I wouldn’t help you hide the body for the obscene hour she chose to message us at. (If you’re reading this, Matthew, thanks for picking up coffee this morning and just ignore the murder threats. Dad doesn’t need to know, mmkay.)
Obscene? It’s after six in the morning, our time. These non-morning people make me laugh.
KAY: Are you laughing at me? I swear I hear you laughing at me. If you are, I hope you snorted and now have butter pecan latte coming out of your nose. *“I said what I said” GIF*
* * *
ME: Who the hell is Matthew? And wait…you’re already up, Em? *“Oh, shucks” GIF*
It’s probably not wise to tease my unexpected ally, but if you can’t tease your friends, how good of friends are you really?
KAY: Matthew is the name of the security guard she’s stuck with when she’s traveling with her dad’s campaign. Em SWEARS he spies on her conversations.
* * *
EM: OMG, he TOTALLY does.
* * *
KAY: Just because he showed up at ONE Royal Ball does not mean he reads your text messages.
I know I texted them about something for myself, but seeing the name given to the parties Carter King—one of Kay’s friends from home and Emma’s refuses-to-admit-she-wants-him sorta-crush—has my Spidey senses tingling with this new piece of information.
Unfortunately—or fortunately, depending on how you wanna look at it—Em’s text comes in before I can finish composing mine.
EM: Carter King is NOT a topic that can be discussed this early in the day…or ever.
* * *
KAY: Uh-huh, whatever you say, babes. I wonder if King says the same about you. Hold on, let me ask JT.
* * *
EM: KAYLA MICHELLE DENNINGS, DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE.
* * *
ME: Have I told you bitches how much I miss you lately?
* * *
KAY: Yes, but in the future, maybe refrain from doing so in the middle of the night.
* * *
ME: Middle of the night? It’s MIDNIGHT. That barely constitutes a.m. hours.
* * *
EM: Did you not get your infusion of vitamin D today? *eggplant emoji*
* * *
ME: You might be onto something, Em-babes. She does get cranky when she doesn’t get laid.
* * *
KAY: *“Grrr” GIF* I hate you guys.
* * *
ME: No, you don’t.
* * *
EM: *“Fact” GIF* Peep your fingers if you need a reminder.
* * *
KAY: You assholes are lucky you each share a birthday month with somebody else I love; otherwise, I may have had to “lose” your birthstone bands in the ocean.
* * *
ME: Chillax, mami. We just want to make sure you’re using ALL of your Caveman’s athletic prowess to the fullest. *Ace Ventura humping the air GIF*
* * *
EM: *“Get it, gurl” dancing GIF*
* * *
ME: *The Waterboy “You can do it” GIF*
* * *
EM: *Brad Pitt dancing GIF*
* * *
KAY: Guys, this is Mason. Can you stop poking the bear? Skit looks about three seconds away from her head spinning around like that chick in The Exorcist.
* * *
ME: Hey, Caveman! *“Hey there” GIF* But maybe scroll up in the convo for a bit, THEN let us know if you really want us to leave her alone *wink emoji*
* * *
KAY: I knew there was a reason I made sure you both could still be roommates with my girl. Okay…proceed.
Kay may not have wanted to date Mason when he initially pursued her, but homeboy is a winner in my book.
With the break in this conversation’s unexpected detour, I let my fingers fly across the screen of my phone. There’s nothing elegant, prolific, or even grammatically correct about how I tell them about everything that went down with CK yesterday. I pretty much word-vomit a freaking term paper’s worth of details in one long run-on sentence.
My heart jumps into my throat like it’s practicing stunts with the Red Squad as I wait to see what my friends have to say.
It doesn’t take them long, their texts practically tripping over themselves in their haste to respond. My thumb can barely scroll fast enough to keep up with the flurry of messages moving the thread.
Here are some of the highlights:
EM: Well, at least you didn’t confess your undying love like you feared.
* * *
KAY: Puh-lease. I love CK dearly, but that boy is so blind to how awesome he truly is, he wouldn’t believe it if she did.
* * *
EM: Is it wrong I kinda want her to sign up for the app and catfish her way into making him fall in love with her?