“I do,” I said, getting to my feet and surprising myself with their steadiness. “And do you know why I understand this, Bruce? Because you’ve repeated it at least five times.”
“Only because you haven’t listened to even one of them.”
I smiled, stretching out my good hand to shake his. “It’s been fun doing business with you, and don’t listen to the others who whisper behind your back. You’re a decent paramedic.”
He chuckled. “You’re a spunky little thing, aren’t you?”
I glanced around, checking for spies before whispering, “It’s how I reel in the pop stars.”
Bruce shook his head, clearly amazed by my ability to keep the delusion going so effortlessly. “Okay, well, give him my best wishes.”
“I most certainly will.”
We parted ways then, with me headed straight for the safety across the street where neighbors and looky-loos alike were gathered. It wasn’t every day that an earthquake toppled a building in Los Angeles, and unluckily for those in my apartment building, we’d happened to be at the epicenter of the tragedy. But I had no interest in being a spectator. What I needed now was to borrow a phone and get just one of my forty-plus siblings to answer.
And I knew just who to call first—Donny. Sigh. If there was anyone else in the vicinity, trust me, I would’ve tried that person first, but Donny only lived three short blocks away, so the call went to him first. I’d done the math. Even factoring in that he would need to stop playing his video game in the basement of his parents’ home, put on some pants, find his keys, and grab a snack, Donny would still be here faster than any other sibling.
“Hey!” A young woman in a trendy dress beckoned me over. Due to her impeccable wardrobe, I had to assume she’d arrived after the collapse—in order to profit off our misery. “Did you escape from that building?”
I wondered what her first clue had been—the fine particles of my apartment complex now attached to my eyelashes or the blood-soaked mess the self-surgery had made of my clothing?
“I’m Misty Swallows. You might have seen my videos? I’d really like to interview you.”
I was no longer listening, having narrowed in on her phone like a ravenous vulture. Besides, there was no need for introductions. I already knew who she was: influencer Misty Swallows. And I was no fan, but nevertheless, I was about to make her superficial dreams come true.
Heading straight for her, her makeshift cameraman lifted his phone.
“Uh-uh.” I shook my finger at him. “No filming.”
He glanced at Misty for instruction. She gestured for him to lower it before focusing her attention back on me and repeating, “Were you in the building?”
“Yes, but not just me. There’s someone else in there, and he needs your help.”
“My help?” she asked, looking down at her high-fashion Off-White brand dress. Clearly, there was only so far this influencer was willing to go to help her fellow man.
“Not that kind of help,” I said, letting her off the hook. “What would you say if I told you your next post is about to go viral?”
Her eyes widened, and I swear I saw a dollop of drool form on her painted lips. “I’d say you’re my new best friend.”
“Oh good, then you’ll agree to my terms. Just audio. And afterward, I need to use your phone.”
Misty readily agreed, pitying me with a lingering stare. No doubt she assumed my silver-streaked disaster ‘do and dust-up makeup job were the reason for my not wanting those coveted fifteen minutes of fame, but vanity had nothing to do with it. I was protecting my students on the off chance I didn’t make it out of the parking garage alive.
After agreeing to my rules and giving Misty Swallows the ultimate gift—a trapped RJ Contreras on a silver platter—she readily handed over her phone. Honestly, after the exclusive I’d just given her, I considered stealing it. With what Misty stood to make on her video, she could buy plenty more iPhones where this one had come from. But my mother’s nagging voice was never far away, and I knew I couldn’t go through with the hasty plan.
Stepping away, I dialed up Donny. Not only did his proximity to the scene make him the ideal helper, but he was also the only sibling whose number I had memorized. Not out of devotion, but because Donny had once bragged that his phone number, in letter form, spelled out ‘arousal,’ and since then, I’d never been able to erase it from my memory.
“Hello?”
“Donny, it’s me—Dani. I need your help. Can you come pick me up right now?”
“Who?”
“Dani.”
“Dani,” he said, elongating my name as if he were trying to place me.
“Dani, your sperm sister.”
“Ah, right. Dani. Has anyone ever told you that you sound like Princess Leia?”
“Yes. You. Many times. Listen, Donny, the earthquake just toppled my building…”
“Yeah, that quake was sick, man,” he interrupted.
Sick wasn’t the first adjective that came to mind when describing what I’d experienced, but I didn’t have time to debate vocabulary with a dimwitted gamer. “Did you hear me? My building collapsed. I lost everything. I really need your help. Oh, and can you bring your credit card? I’m going to need to borrow some money. Can you do that for me, Donny? Can you help me?”
It was a heartfelt plea, a cry for assistance.
“I don’t know, Dani. It’s really not a good time. I’m on level seven.”
So much for asking nicely. “I don’t care if you’re in a galaxy far, far away. Pick me up right now or I’ll come over there and cut your electricity!”
“Fine. Jesus. Princess Leia is so much nicer than you.”
“Just hurry.”
“I’m saving my game, geez. Chill. Do I need underwear for this?”
I growled in response. Forget cutting the electricity, I was going to murder my sperm brother in his sleep.
The sound of a man calling my name drew my attention. I whipped my head around to find Jeremy—smartly dressed for our second date—rushing toward me. I was saved! So relieved was I to see him that I threw my arms over his shoulders and buried my head in his chest. No lie, I would’ve burrowed into him for safekeeping if only human biology allowed such a feat.
“My god, Dani, this is just unbelievable,” he said, hugging me tightly. “I saw it on the news. I came as soon as I heard that it was your apartment complex. Are you all right? Were you inside when it happened?”
I lifted my head and looked over at what was left of my building. Tears welled in my eyes as it hit me… really hit me. I had been in there. And so had many of my neighbors. My heart sank. Families lived in there. Children. Pets. So much suffering. I knew I couldn’t save them all. But if I could save even one…
“Uh, Dani?” Donny said, interrupting my reunion with Jeremy to remind me that he was still on the line. “Was that a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ to the underwear?”
I winced. “Never mind, weirdo. Go back to your video game.”
“Sweet. Thanks.”
I shook my head as I handed the phone back to Misty and wondered how our father had gotten it so wrong the day he’d created Donny.