“Are you speaking from experience?” I asked.
I had a feeling that Knox was secretly in love with his childhood friend, Penny, but their timing hadn’t worked out yet. He didn’t answer, just stared off into the distance, so I did the same.
22
EVAN
When I got back to the room a while later, I was surprised to see Kassidy inside, looking like she’d been waiting for me.
“Are you okay?” I asked her.
“I am,” Kassidy said solemnly. “I think I’m more okay than I have been in a long time.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, silently sending thanks to Ally for whatever she’d done or said to get Kassidy to open up.
“I do,” she said. She searched my eyes, as if making sure I was ready to hear her admission, before she spoke. “I need you to know why I’ve been working so hard to take down Paradise Cruises. I should’ve told you before, but I was ashamed.”
“You can tell me anything, Kassidy,” I said, moving closer to her. I took her hand in mine, offering her my silent support.
She didn’t say anything for a few moments, and I stayed quiet, allowing her to build up her courage. Finally, she continued.
“There’s an important part of Finnish culture called sisu. There’s no direct translation to English, so the closest thing we’ve come up with to call it is the “Finnish Spirit.” It’s how we as Finns describe and think about ourselves, and it means having courage and determination in the face of obstacles, when everyone else would’ve given up. I’ve always tried to develop my sisu, to live with honor, but I’m starting to think I’ve taken it too far. Sometimes the best option is to give up.
“I’m getting ahead of myself, though. I need to start at the beginning, when I was seven. Before that, my family had been happy, or so I thought. But when I was seven, my dad left my mom and moved back to the US. I started spending summers with him, and I was really close with a family that lived on his property and worked for him. The two daughters were some of my closest friends. When I was 12, I discovered that the family was pretty much my dad’s slaves. The conditions they were living in were horrific, and they weren’t being paid, and weren’t allowed to leave. When I confronted my dad about it, he said that they had come to the country illegally, and that if I said anything about them, they’d be deported back to Colombia. He made that country seem much worse than living in his basement, so I stayed quiet. As I got older and kept bringing it up, he kept threatening to deport them. He also started threatening me, saying that he had a lot of powerful friends, and that he could make me disappear. Once I was 18, I looked into how to help the family, but I was scared I’d make things worse for them.
“I never went back there until my dad died a few months ago. I went through all his things, and I realized that he didn’t only keep that family as slaves. He was heavily involved in human trafficking all over the US, and I didn’t know until it was too late. When my dad was diagnosed with cancer, he sold off all the slaves who were left, including my two friends—the two daughters. My dad abused them—using them for his own sexual needs—and when he found out he was dying, he sold them to other human traffickers. I tried to find them, but they were already dead.”
Kassidy began to cry, and I pulled her closer, wrapping my arms around her and lending her my support. I was heartbroken for her—both her childhood self, and the person she was now. The weight of her father’s secrets and misdeeds must’ve been weighing heavily on her for most of her life.
“It’s my fault that my dad was able to keep abusing and trafficking people. If I had just done something, or told someone, my friends might still be alive. And I might have been able to save others, too,” Kassidy said, and she began to sob, letting out years of pent-up guilt and frustration.
“It’s okay, Kassidy. It’s not your fault,” I said, trying to soothe her.
“Do you hate me?” she asked, looking up at me, her green eyes stormy. I could clearly see that she was afraid of my answer.
“I could never hate you, Sunshine,” I assured her. “You were just a kid. This was your dad’s fault, not yours. And I already knew that you were one of the strongest women I know. The fact that you stood up to your dad, especially after he started threatening you, makes me admire you even more. You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, I promise.”
Kassidy didn’t say anything, just buried her head further into my shoulder, her chest heaving with sobs. I laid back on the bed, pulling her with me until she laid partly on top of me, and I held her as she cried.
Kassidy
As I cried, Evan just held me, lending me his strength, and letting my tears soak into his shirt. His strength allowed me to be weak, and for a moment, I let go of all the tears I’d been holding onto. The feelings leaked from me—all the shame and guilt about the Gonzales family and the others I couldn’t save, all the disgust that I was related to a monster, all the sadness and loneliness I’d been feeling for so long.
And, during those few minutes I spent in his arms, I began to heal.
I lost track of time, but eventually, I stopped crying. As I sat up, taking a deep, steadying breath, it felt like some of the weight I’d been carrying had been lifted from my shoulders.
“Are you okay?” Evan asked, sitting up next to me.
“I think so, thanks to you,” I answered. “There is one thing that would make me feel better, though.”
“Name it.”
“Saunas are a big part of Finnish culture, and spending time in one always improves my mood. There’s supposed to be a sauna on the ship. Would you be willing to come with me?”
“I’d love to,” Evan said.
A few minutes later, we’d changed into swimsuits and had arrived at the ship’s spa area, towels wrapped around ourselves.
“So, this is a mixed sauna,” I told him. “Men and women have separate saunas in Finland, except for the ones at people’s homes. A big reason for that is because people tend to enjoy the sauna in the nude.”
“Of course,” Evan said dryly.
He followed me inside the dark, steamy room. I was grateful that no one else was inside, so that Evan and I could have some privacy. I spread my towel out on one of the benches, then sat down on it, and he followed my lead, doing the same on the bench next to me.
“Did you say people have saunas in their homes?” he asked once we were settled.
“I did. Pretty much everyone in Finland has their own sauna,” I replied. “They've been around for thousands of years, and people in Finland and its neighboring countries have used them for all kinds of purposes over time. In the winter, my ancestors lived in saunas, because it was so cold, and they also used them as kitchens, hospitals, and places to bathe or sweat out toxins. Now, they’re mostly used to socialize, or to have some quiet time. It’s important to pay attention to how others in the sauna are behaving and follow their lead.”
“I had no idea saunas had so much history. I thought they were just modern inventions that people added to gyms.”