Not a shitty mom who leaves me high and dry when I need her most.
Not an angry bully who’s vanished and everyone’s looking at me for answers.
Not a school full of people who hate me.
Not a vengeful god who plays with my heart and head and body like a toy.
I want the peace that couple appears to have. I want the love that’s shining in their eyes as they look at each other. When I try to imagine doing that with Saint, just walking on the beach, the image that pops into my head is so ridiculous I almost laugh out loud at it. He’s too larger than life for such a regular, mundane activity. I’m positive he’d hate every moment of it.
I let out a sigh. Why did things have to end up this way?
At that moment, my phone buzzes and it’s a text from Loni telling me she’s here. I glance toward the little parking lot nearby and spot her Jeep immediately. I trudge through the sand to get to her, then slide into the passenger’s side seat with an apologetic smile.
“Thanks,” I murmur, embarrassed.
She offers me a grin, but it’s admittedly awkward. I can see in her curious gaze that she wants to question me, but she doesn’t say a word as she pulls out the lot and onto the road. We drive in total silence, and it makes me nervous.
I’m dying to know what she’s thinking, but I don’t want to make things more tense between us, so I keep my mouth shut. We make it all the way back to campus without speaking a word, and I hate it so much, I want to puke. She’s probably done being my friend, and I don’t blame her. I’m such a fuck, making the same mistakes over and over again and causing everyone around me trouble.
Our silence stretches into the building and as we ride the elevator up to our floor. The longer it goes on, the worse I feel, and the more convinced I become that we’re over.
When we step out of the elevator into the hallway, I glance toward her, but she’s not looking at me. It seems like she’s intentionally avoiding my eye, and my heart sinks further. Fuck. Now I’ve gone and lost one of the only real friends I had in this hellhole. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through to graduation without Loni in my corner…
Suddenly, she lunges at me and wraps me in a tight hug. I let out a startled cry, confused at first, but then I slowly relax into her embrace and throw my arms around her as well.
“I don’t know what’s going on,” she murmurs. “Not completely, and I don’t need to know all the details if you don’t want to share them. Just know, I’m always here if you want to talk, okay?”
Her words almost make me cry. How can someone be this loyal? After everything I’ve put her through, she still sticks to my side like crazy glue.
“I know,” I tell her softly. “And I’m sorry. Last night was…”
“Last night was something you clearly needed,” she says, pulling back so she can gaze into my eyes. “I’m not going to pretend to understand what exists between you and Saint, but it’s obvious that, whatever it is, it’s strong. Neither of you seem like you can fight it.”
She’s right. Neither Saint or I seem to be able to resist the toxic push and pull between us. We both try so hard to get away from each other, but we just keep falling right back into each other’s arms.
It’s fucked up, and if I could break my addiction of him, I would.
“Thanks,” I tell her, smiling. “You’re a better friend than I deserve.”
“Truth,” she teases. “But I love you to death, Mallory. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I don’t want to get hurt,” I assure her. “I’m going to try really hard to keep from being an idiot. I promise.”
She laughs. “All right. Go get some rest. You had a long night, I’m sure.”
She shoots me a little wink, and I roll my eyes in embarrassment.
“Yeah, well, maybe we can get drunk on wine later and I’ll tell you all about it.”
“Oh fun, stories about Hot Draco’s big dick.” Snorting, she grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “See you later.”
We part ways to head to our rooms, and I’m feeling much better. The Saint and his mom situation is still weird and confusing, but at least I haven’t driven my best friend away with my stupid horn-dog ways. I reach my room with a smile on my face and open my door.
My smile melts away in a flash.
Ghost is in my room, clearly waiting for me. Shit. I completely forgot about his text last night. I hurry inside and shut the door behind me.
“What are you doing here?” I hiss. It’s daylight. Anyone could see him walking out of the building.
His expression is dark and it’s very obvious he’s pissed.
“Your mom asked me to stay here all night and wait for you,” he snaps. “Jenn wants to talk to you.”
Jenn can go straight to hell for all I care. I’m sick of her not being around when I need her, then showing up and ruining my life when things are just starting to look up.
“You can tell Jenn that I—”
“I don’t think you understand. I’m not giving you a choice,” he growls, walking across the room to stand in front of me. “I’m not opposed to throwing you in my trunk if you decide to be difficult.”
It crosses my mind that I probably shouldn’t further irritate the already pissed off drug dealer working for or with my crazy ass mother.
Reluctantly, I nod my head. “Fine, all right. I’ll go with you.”
“Good girl.” He moves around me to open the door and ushers me back out into the hallway.
Thankfully, we make it to his car without anyone paying much attention, and he drives us away from campus. I’m nervous he’s going to take me to another shady bar, or somewhere even worse. Maybe I should shoot Loni a quick text and let her know I’m going somewhere? The idea of being with Ghost and no one else knowing about it makes me wildly uncomfortable, and my heart begins to pound as my anxiety spikes.
Loni doesn’t know about Ghost, though. No one does except for Saint, and I can’t tell him. Ghost didn’t like it the last time Saint came to my rescue, and I’d rather not antagonize him further.
“Where are we going?” I ask when it becomes clear he’s not taking me into LA.
He doesn’t answer. Doesn’t even look at me. He just stares straight ahead out the windshield like I don’t exist. Well, fine. Two can play at that game. I sit back and do my best to ignore him as well.
But I can’t help but freak out when he drives me further and further into what seems like the middle of nowhere. He surprises me by pulling into a hidden driveway that takes us to a large, rundown house. At one point, the place was probably spectacular. Now, it looks like the perfect setting for a murder.
I swallow hard, hating the images that particular thought conjures.
Ghost parks in front of the house, then tells me to get out and follow him. I do because what the hell else am I supposed to do? He leads me up to the front door, which squeaks when he opens it. The interior isn’t as in bad of shape as the exterior, but there’s dust and spider webs everywhere, and some parts of the floor are starting to rot away.
We walk through the foyer into what I assume would be the living room, and I freeze in my tracks when I see Jenn is waiting for us on a grimy looking sofa.