‘People are so careless with relationships,’ Kelly says. ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’
‘No,’ I say quickly.
‘Good. Sensible. People put too much stock in romance. Most relationships aren’t worth it. People latch onto anyone who shows the slightest bit of interest and it always ends in disaster.’ She pauses and Mary throws her arms in the air in defeat. ‘People are just scared to be alone.’
‘And some people are scared not to be alone,’ Mary snaps.
Kelly shrugs. ‘I’m not scared. I just happen to really like my life the way it is.’
‘But you could be so happy!’
‘I am happy,’ Kelly says grumpily. She gets up to go to the bathroom and Mary sighs and leans in towards me. ‘I’m one of the idiot romantics she was referring to,’ she says in a low voice. ‘She reckons that I’ve got eyes bigger than my brain when it comes to pretty girls.’
‘Think I might be an idiot romantic, too,’ I say. I’d given up checking my phone for messages. Clem’s name never popped up on the screen.
‘But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even when relationships turn out not to be what I thought they were, there’s always something there that makes them worthwhile, you know? It’s a privilege to be in a relationship with someone – to be invited into their life.’
I nod, wondering what Taylor would think of all this. Not that I’d dare bring it up so soon after Adam – she’d probably burst into tears or punch me or both.
Mary sips her champagne. ‘She is afraid, you know. She has been since she was a teenager. It breaks my heart.’ She smiles at me. ‘I was so scared she was going to botch it up with you – with meeting you. She’s not good with people, you know? She’s so terrified of being vulnerable. I mean, I get it. After what she’s been through. She’s very protective, very careful with everything. Drives me nuts, to be honest. But, I’m just grateful. I nearly passed out when she told me she’d asked you to stay – I don’t think anyone’s stayed in that spare room since I crashed in there the night she moved in.’
‘Oh,’ I say.
‘I mean – it’s unprecedented. I’m the only person she lets into the place. Well, apart from tradesmen. And only when she really, really needs help. She’s very handy. She has a drill.’
‘I had no idea it was such a big deal.’
‘Oh, I hope I haven’t made you uncomfortable!’ Mary puts her champagne down roughly and grabs my hands. ‘Oh, sweet girl. I just want you to know how badly Kelly wants to know you, that’s all.’
‘I really want to know her, too.’
‘She’s worth it. I know she can be a bit prickly and weird, but she’s so worth it. I’m lucky to have her as a sister. So, so lucky.’
‘And I’m lucky to have her as a . . .’ I stop. As a what? A friend? A relative? A mother?
‘Still don’t know what to call her, hey? Don’t worry – it’ll come. Or it won’t. I’ve always thought labels are overrated, anyway. She can just be your Kelly and you can just be her Stella.’
‘I like that.’
‘Anyway – sorry. I know none of this has anything to do with me. I really, really do know that. I swear – one champagne and I don’t shut up!’
‘You don’t shut up, anyway,’ Kelly says, coming back into the kitchen. ‘Would you like an iced water, Stella?’
‘I’m fine, thank you,’ I say. ‘I was just wondering though . . .’
‘Yes?’
‘Has my key been cut yet?’
‘No, not yet. I’m sorry – things have just been so frantic at work.’
Later, as Kelly opens the car, Mary holds onto me on the verandah and gives me a tight, sweet hug. She stands back and smiles at me. ‘Stella, just so you know, I wouldn’t count on that key.’
‘What?’
‘Here’s my number.’ She hands me a business card. ‘Call me any time, okay?’
‘Thanks. What do you mean, though? About not counting on that key?’
‘I don’t think she even keeps a spare of it. I mean, I’m sure she wants to do it for you, but I’m not sure that she can. And I don’t want you to keep waiting for it.’
‘Oh.’
‘Prickly and weird but worth it.’ She kisses my cheek. ‘Sweet dreams.’
On the way home, Kelly and I don’t talk. I notice her breathing relax as we get further away from the suburb where she grew up. Her fingers stay gripped too tightly around the wheel. I text Taylor.
I miss you.
She texts back straight away. Miss you too, KJ xoxoxoxoxox
***
The next morning, I pull on some clothes without looking at myself in the mirror and get ready to head to the library.
‘You look good,’ Kelly says, pausing in the doorway of the bathroom. She’s dark under the eyes. I’d heard her moving about in the night, as though she couldn’t sleep. At one point I thought I’d heard her cry. I chant, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here. It’s all okay. I’m here. ‘Where’re you headed?’
‘The library.’
‘The library?’
‘Lockwood library – the range of books they have is incredible. I didn’t know they made libraries like that!’
‘If . . .’ She shakes her head. ‘You know what? We can talk about it tonight.’
‘Talk about what?’
‘Lockwood High.’
‘What about it?’
‘It’s a good school and it’s a kilometre away.’
‘But . . .’ I blink. ‘I don’t live here . . . I don’t . . . It’s so far from home.’
‘Things change,’ Kelly says, picking up her handbag. ‘I was thinking, if things pan out okay, that you might be able to stay here longer. You could transfer schools.’
‘Stay here longer?’
Kelly flushes ‘Yes, well. We can talk about it, anyway. I’ll be home by six. Remember to double-check the gate lock.’
‘I will.’
Putting a banana in my bag, I see the school brochures. Shiny and bright. I trace my fingers over the logos, the smiling students with their armfuls of books. I try to imagine any of them trying to check the pokies to see if their dad’s there; I try to imagine any of them in Fairyland. But I can’t.
Her house seems suddenly too quiet. I’m glad to shoulder my bag and go out onto the street, where the noise of other people’s lives washes over me like water.
***
The next day, I invite Lara and Zin over to Kelly’s and they arrive red-cheeked and eager. Zin almost cries when she sees the garden. ‘Stell! She has zinnias!’ She strokes the petals and bursts into tears and Lara walks around her. ‘Let’s go in,’ she says.
We take off our shoes at the door and read Kelly’s magazines at the kitchen table. I put on some music quietly, as though Kelly is still here. We eat over the kitchen bench so there are no crumbs.
I see Kelly before I hear her, very pale in the doorway with her laptop case in her hand.
‘Stella, can I have a word?’