"I'm sorry, Maeve. For everything that happened to you at the Blackwood house.”
I place the glass on the counter and slowly turn, gripping the counter behind me. "Everything?"
His eyes burn into mine. Neither of us need to elaborate what I’m hinting at.
“Yes."
I take a shuddery breath and look at the unswept floor. "Okay."
Tobias doesn't move, and the energy he's projecting dizzies me. More keenly than ever, I feel his confusion and stress; his held-back need to reach out.
No. He isn’t allowed to call all the shots. I wait for him to step back as I move towards him, but he remains still as I reach out to rub the back of my hand along the day's growth on his face. "Suits you," I say with a small smile.
Tobias takes my fingers from his face and holds my hand a few seconds more than normal, the familiar tingle spreading from his fingers along my arm.
"We have a lot to untangle. I'll need to speak to my Confederacy employees tomorrow, before they hear about the death from another source,” he says. "I don't want you to say anything until we have a chance to sit down with the others, and definitely don't speak to anybody outside our group."
I nod, wishing he'd let go of my hand but also hoping he holds me too. "I agree. Will you be in a lot of trouble?"
I cringe at myself as his solemn expression changes with a smile. "I've been in much worse trouble in the past. I'll be fine."
"Until the Blackwoods find you." My voice cracks with my real fear, and he squeezes my hand tight as my hand shakes.
All I want is for him to hug me—tell me everything will work out. That we will work out.
Do my thoughts reach Tobias? Because he briefly hugs me to him, whispering his apology against my hair again. I only have seconds to hold him because he withdraws as quickly as he took hold.
He knows the same truth I do: things will never go back to how they were. With a sad smile, he touches my face. “I’m here if you need me.”
I drop my eyes to the floor again as he turns away.
"Hello, Amelia," he says.
What?
I jerk my head up as Tobias unblocks my view of the doorway, where Amelia stands, rucksack in hand and with a stunned expression. She doesn't reply, just stares at Tobias as he walks by before turning her shocked look my way.
I scrunch my face up, clueless how she'll react. Amelia approaches and sets the rucksack on the counter beside me, biting her lip.
"Go on. Say what you think," I tell her.
"I think four guys is a little greedy, Maeve. I mean, Professor Whitlock... Katherine will claw your eyes out!" Amelia chuckles at me.
"You know that he's Tobias to me, not Professor Whitlock. To us all. Ugh. Things are complicated."
"Uh huh." She gives a sly smile and then grabs me in a bear hug. "But now I know all the guys will take care of you, I'm not as worried."
"I wish you were coming with us. I miss you and want you safe, too."
We stand together, the girl who once thought she was human and the witch who once doubted herself, giving each other the affection and understanding we did when we were simply roommates. The two who planned their dresses for the Winter Ball and dealt with the craziness together.
Maybe one day we'll find those two girls again.
Chapter Thirty-Four
MAEVE
For the first time in my life, I have nightmares. I’m running through the hallways of the Blackwood mansion, but they stretch forever. I can see my friends at the end, but however far I run, they never come any closer. I call out, but the only sound is a heartbeat, slow and steady, which grows in volume as the dream continues. The walls narrow and begin to close in, touching my shoulders and suffocating me until I’m enveloped in darkness. I wake covered in perspiration and listening to my heartbeat. Mine wasn't the one I heard—too rapid and too quiet.
I'm consoled by the thought that an unrealistic nightmare can't be a vision.
How far has the Blackwood magic spread into my soul? I feel sick when I think about Nikolai's death—how my anger turned to murder. Yes, I chose to defend myself, and although I didn't kill him, I almost did. I'm scared how far the dark magic would've pushed me if Tobias hadn't interrupted. Would I have killed Nikolai if I’d been alone?
Now Tobias is taking the blame for something we both did.
I returned to the academy under cover of darkness last night, and I hate how we always sneak back. Theodora wants normality, as she always does, but how is that possible with the conflict between houses?
Only two of us are at the academy this morning. Jamie is in hospital, recovering well but under observation. Tobias returned to those he works for at the Confederacy to explain events before news spreads about the Blackwoods. The moment we arrived here last night, somebody collected Andrei and took him home. His family has questions about Andrei’s encounter with his mother.
This leaves me and Ash, and the worry I'll be taken for questioning too.
I sit on the edge of the bed and stare at Amelia's empty one. Why didn't she come back? I know the answer. Amelia has a new role now and if she walks away, she could lose Matt again. This won't be the last we hear from the gang, I'm sure of that, but for now we need to figure out what's happening inside the academy.
I pull out my phone and text Ash. I can't be alone.
Chapter Thirty-Five
MAEVE
Showered and dressed, I meet Ash outside the building and close to the freshly mown lawns. He looks as weary as me but attempts to hide this behind a smile. Dressed in his Gilgamesh rugby top and the jeans he almost always wears, Ash's appearance helps bring normality to the day. This Ash is the one I held onto in my mind when at the Blackwood house; the guy whose powerful figure offers comfort and protection. He has a rucksack over one of his broad shoulders and he leans forward to gently place his lips on mine. I hold him tight, as if he might disappear too.
"Are you hungry?" he says, close to my ear.
"A little."
"Good. I have breakfast in here. I thought we could have a picnic."
"A picnic?"
"Shifters have picnics too, you know," he teases as he notices my surprised expression.
"I'm sure, but we've never had a picnic before."
"Yes, but I think we should do something different and try to forget everything for a couple of hours. Come on." He winds an arm around my shoulders and guides me towards the lawns.
Sunshine fills the spring day—summer might actually reach this gloomy part of the world. Daisies spring through the uncut lawns, and the white blossoms on the trees lining the academy drive add a soft fragrance. As ever, I'm filled with unease as I sense people talking about me. I meet the eyes of a group of Walcott girls, challenging them as they whisper to each other.
"I don't want to sit anywhere people can see me," I mutter. "I'm drained. I can't cope with anymore right now."
"Understood." He kisses the top of my head. "There are private places around the grounds."
I arch a brow at him. "Private places you take girls, Ash?"