"Believe me when I say I'd never do that to you." He pushes hair from his eyes and the vulnerability tugs away the newly built barricade against him.
"Then why show me that... image?"
I expect him to look away, but he holds my gaze, imploring. "I don't know. I don't want that—never once thought about hurting you—but something in my mind took over."
Those words send an icy chill along my spine. If his mind takes over in a fantasy, what would happen in reality? "I need to be honest—right now, I'm scared of you, Andrei. You always promised you wouldn't attack me, but now… What if that side of you is too strong?"
"No. Maeve." He straightens to full height and shifts closer to me. "That's not true. I told you before, I keep control with you. I wish you understood how much."
I swallow. "I understand how much now, Andrei. What I saw—you were intense. Different." Frightening.
"But I'd never, ever hurt you." He curls a hand around my neck and rests his forehead against mine. "It would kill me if I did. Do you think I'd risk losing you? The girl who showed me I'm not that person?"
"Then why? Why imagine something so awful?"
"I don't know, and I wish I could take everything back." He sucks air through his teeth. "I've fucked up, haven't I? You'll never let me close again."
"You're close to me now."
"That's not what I mean." He moves his head and strokes my hair. "I can't imagine life distant from you again—not kissing or touching you. You don't understand how intense this relationship is for me. You’ve given me hope for the future. With you, I can turn my back on the Andrei everybody else thinks exists."
"Andrei..." I cup his cheek with my hand, and he takes hold. "I won't be distant from you and I'll try to forget what I saw, but I am cautious now."
“But you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive.” I touch his lips.
"Then kiss me," he whispers.
"Here?" Students leaving classes pass by and the chatter in the hallway surrounds us.
"Here. I need to know you feel the same about me." His hands slide down my sides and he holds me in the small of my back.
"I do," I whisper. "Please don't beat yourself up about this."
Andrei's kiss is unusual for him—soft and hesitant—and as his lips move against mine, I try my hardest to forget what I saw. The images are too fresh in my mind; the fear still trickling through my veins. I do forgive him. I do love him. But am I safe?
Chapter Forty-Nine
ANDREI
What the fuck was I thinking?
Why the hell did I have those thoughts about Maeve?
I don't want to hurt Maeve and never once thought about drinking her blood.
As soon as he found me, Tobias hauled me to his office and gave me a mouthful about my behaviour. My protests meant nothing. Tobias tries to believe he can help me, but when I screw up like this, I don't blame him for the distrust.
What if I've screwed things up with Maeve completely?
Maeve told me I haven't, but she definitely held back when I kissed her.
The worst part? Now I doubt myself and my control again.
I stand at the small window in my room at the top of the Petrescu building and stare out at the empty grounds. In the past, I'd be out instead of sleeping—off campus and stalking people for fun. Half the time I was testing myself, the other half? Let's say temptation got the better of me. Nobody died and I made sure nobody remembered me taking what they offered me.
What a fucking idiot.
Last year, my grandfather shipped in the mysterious Professor Whitlock to keep an eye on me, and I had fewer nights out. These days? None.
More than anything, I want to believe that Andrei is dead and buried, but my mother and the incident in Mental Magic throws doubt on that.
Tobias found out about the phone and wants Maeve to give him it, but Maeve refused. He backs down more when they clash since—their time with the Blackwoods—because they don't want to stir strong emotions in each other? Or more?
I spotted Jamie looking at Maeve differently, the gooey-eyed look I've seen on Ash's face before; the one I lie to myself I don't have. I'd lay bets their date ended in an unexpected encounter as well. So much for Jamie's words to me that he was giving Maeve space.
Or did she kiss him?
Ha. These guys underestimate Maeve. She isn't the unsure and frightened girl Maeve was the day she arrived. This girl is strong and sure in all areas of her life even though she doubts herself sometimes. One guy will never be enough for Maeve and her magic to thrive.
Originally, I worried I'd be jealous, but this isn’t competition. We're becoming the family I've never had; we're not only strong for Maeve, but for each other too.
Who would've thought I’d find people like these?
The moonlight sneaks through the streaked grey clouds, and the sky looks the same as the night we helped Maeve and Tobias escape. The night I saw my mother, when she sharpened into focus that I'll never escape her, even by walking away.
I'm about to turn away, maybe hang out in the common room now Maeve is in bed, when something catches my eye. A figure walking from Walcott. At four a.m., most if not all Walcott kids are asleep. I hold my face closer to the glass and my eyesight allows me a closer look.
Maeve.
If she were headed to the main building—or Tobias's building—I wouldn't worry, but she isn't. Maeve walks in a slow diagonal line straight towards Petrescu. I smile to myself that she's on her way to see me; Maeve occasionally does, although not usually this late.
My smile evaporates when I see her more clearly. Maeve's barefoot and wears tiny shorts and a sleeveless top decorated with a moon and stars.
I blink. Maeve is walking towards Petrescu in her pyjamas. Shoeless. And she’s almost here.
Once I've shoved my feet into my heavy boots, I'm out of my room in a blur. I immediately slam into Sergei, a hemia kid who's had a grudge against me from day one.
"Watch where you're going, arsehole," he says and pushes me.
"I'm in a hurry."
His intense grey eyes and slicked-back black hair ensure he's another one who stands out around the academy, but he keeps himself with Petrescu only. Since he's hemia, no Walcott kids want to be near him, and Gilgamesh are dubious too. That's Sergei's beef with me—I'm a poster boy for vicious, bloodthirsty hemia, which isn’t good PR. Most hemia keep their appetites under control and don't like my reputation.
"Headed out to feed?" he sneers.
I glare. "I don't do that anymore."
Sergei closes the last part of personal space between us. "I hate to agree with witches, but you should've left the academy, Tepes."
I inwardly sigh. I'm sick to death of this bullshit. Sergei stumbles backwards as I shove hard with my shoulder and stride by. "I said, I'm in a hurry."
Bracing myself for him to grab me, I break into a run and almost trip over my laces.
Voices carry up the main stairs—including Maeve's. Maeve stands in the doorway, wild-eyed, hair mussed. No way would Maeve walk around the academy in pyjamas. What the hell is happening?