I’m slightly annoyed; I’d hoped to have a peaceful moment to let my coffee and shower work their wonders. “Morning,” I mumble, and it comes out raspy. I proceed to the cabinet and reach for a mug.
“Good morning.” His tone is rather perky, considering the hour.
I bury my face in my coffee mug.
“Anything interesting going on at school today?” he asks.
“No, what about you? You’re up early.” A couple sips of the warm drink has my voice on its way to recovery. Even my eyes are progressing toward being fully open. I sneak a glimpse at the newspaper article spread out on the table; it doesn’t appear to have anything to do with Melody.
“I’m headed to the office. But after seeing this beautiful sky, I don’t know if I’ll be able to sit cooped up for long.” He motions toward the kitchen window.
“You could go for a walk,” I suggest. “It might warm up enough at some point today.”
“Yeah, a walk would be good.” A nostalgic expression slips onto his face and his head tilts toward the window. “The woods are real therapy for the soul.”
Sadness fills my throat. Maybe they used to be. I get up, mug in hand, and walk to the doorway. “I think I’ll take this back to my room.”
Asher picks up his own mug and follows me into the hallway. I turn and raise an eyebrow at him, but he ambles mindlessly behind me. When I get to my room, he rolls right in without invitation, plunking down onto my bed. I take a seat at my desk, noticing for the first time that my doll has been returned. It rests on the shelf above the bed. “Thanks for fixing Edna.”
“No problem. Like I said, it was an easy fix.” He sips his coffee and looks up. “So, what’s going on with this guy from Sadie Hawkins?”
I slide lower in my chair and pick at the peeling desktop veneer. “I don’t know. I messed it up the way I mess up everything.”
“It can’t be that bad.”
“Oh, with me, it’s usually worse than you’d imagine.”
“You must like him if there’s something to mess up.”
“I guess.” My eyes dart about the wall above my desk, and my gaze lands on a photograph of Gideon and me. We were twelve, at summer camp. One of the girls in my cabin recognized Fire Girl, and soon everyone was talking about me. Gideon said we should probably just do our own thing, so every morning, we snuck out after breakfast in the mess hall, avoiding group activities and splashing in the sparkling green lake.
The memory sends a pang through me. Really, I should like Peter. He hasn’t gotten to know the real me yet, so maybe he won’t kiss me and run away.
“But you’re in love with Gideon.”
I freeze. Hearing this aloud is equal parts terrifying and painful. It brings back the agony from the dance, exposing me, leaving me raw. I shut my eyes, blotting out the photo.
“I take it you two still haven’t made up.”
I shake my head. “We’re not going to. He made that extremely clear. I guess I always knew that one day he’d join the rest of the town in seeing me for what I really am.” I swivel in my chair and peek at Asher.
He scowls. “What are you talking about?”
“Fire Girl. The girl who can’t keep any friends. The girl who watches people die around her. Me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“It’s true. He finally sees it, and I’ve come to accept it.”
Asher’s fingers brush the pink scars on his left hand and his eyes narrow. “What did Gideon say to you?”
“Just the truth.”
He stands up, jaw clenched. “I’m going to talk to him. I’m not asking your permission this time.”
I shrug. “I’m telling you, it’s not going to make a difference. He’s done with me.” A pathetic laugh escapes. “I used to worry that he didn’t want to be with me. But he doesn’t even want to be around me.”
“Cass, I’m going to fix this for you.”
“We’re not broken dolls, Asher. It’s too complicated. I just have to sit back and watch him be with someone else.”
Asher’s blue eyes are pained when he looks at me. I want to let him in, to tell him all the reasons Gideon is right about me. I have no one else to talk to. Gideon is gone, and Emily is off the list of confidants for obvious reasons.
Instead I sputter, “Things would have been better for everyone if I’d just died in that fire.”
Asher’s neck stiffens, but I don’t let him speak. “I have to get ready for school, so…” I motion to the door. He pauses, mouth drawn. Then he gets up and walks out of my room, head slumped. My chest is heavy and my eyes sting, but I shut the door, knowing I’m right.
26
Weighed down by my thoughts, I plod through the double doors of Maribel High with my gaze on the ground. When I look up, I’m face-to-face with Peter.
Panic surges through me. He hesitates before me, hurt in his eyes, wavering between greeting me and rushing on by.
“Peter,” I stammer. “I’m so sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean what I said. I just…” I sigh, mentally rebuking myself for the poor delivery. “Look, things didn’t end well with Gideon—our friendship I mean. It’s still painful.” Peter’s trademark narrow eyes are barely slivers in their skeptical state. “That’s all I can say. I can’t promise I won’t ever talk to Gideon. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life.” I reach for his hand to show my sincerity, but think better of it. “If that isn’t good enough for you, I understand. And I’ll stay out of your way.” Peter’s gaze drifts toward the lockers, and I’m certain I’ve lost another friend. “But I hope you can accept things the way they are, because I like spending time with you,” I say, offering the words like a prayer in the dark.
Peter’s face relaxes a little, its edges still guarded. “I’m not trying to tell you who to be friends with, Cass. I had no right to say what I did. I guess I was jealous.”
My face grows hot. Emily said as much over the phone, but there’s a difference between a friend’s speculation and hearing someone as gorgeous as Peter McCallum actually say he’s jealous over you. I know a few volleyball players who’d pass out from the shock; I wish I were one of them.
I lower my gaze and pick at a long thread on my shirt. “It’s fine.”
“Maybe one day you’ll trust me enough to tell me what happened.”