“You’re welcome.”
THIRTY-THREE
CAS RETURNED TO the castle just before sunrise, and found Em half asleep in his bed. She jerked awake as he climbed in, and he quietly relayed his conversation with August. She didn’t say much as he told her about August’s plan to betray the Ruined; she just wrapped her arms around him and squeezed, like she’d never expected a different answer from Cas.
She was gone when he woke up, the sun now high in the sky, and he dressed and headed to his office. He’d recounted the story for Violet and Franco last night, but he was asked to explain it again to General Amaro, which led to a tense discussion on possible Olso plans of attack.
Cas slipped away, leaving a message with a guard to have Em come and find him when she was done working with Weakling today. He retreated to the tallest point of the castle—an attic filled with dusty memories of his grandparents and ancestors he’d never known. There was a loft area above the storage with a tiny round window that looked out all the way to the ocean, and he’d made the space his own years ago. A blanket and a few pillows were scattered on the floor, books stacked in the corners. Only a few guards had known about the spot, before, and he was never disturbed when he came here.
Now, he heard a guard cough on the other side of the door. Two had followed him up here.
He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes, pretending for a moment that he was back in the world he’d known a few months ago—when he and Em had just started to get along and his parents were still alive and his biggest worry was his father’s approval.
He felt a stab of guilt as he opened his eyes. It was easy for him to think fondly of the way things used to be, when Lera was great, but it meant ignoring the fact that it wasn’t great for Em, or the Ruined. Reminiscing about those times was selfish and ignored the pain they’d caused.
Behind him, the door creaked open. It really wasn’t a great hiding spot.
“Cas.”
He turned at the sound of Em’s voice and crawled to the edge of the loft to look down. She stood next to the ladder below him and turned in a circle, surveying the boxes and old furniture around her.
“Is this it? The hidden room?” she asked.
“What?”
“When I was looking for you once, when I lived here before, you said you were in a hidden room. Is this it?”
“Yes.” He pointed to the ladder. “Come up.”
She climbed the ladder and ducked her head as she stepped into the loft space. He scooted back, leaning his head against the wall and stretching his legs out in front of him. She sat down across from him, glancing briefly out the window.
“I think we should talk about Franco’s question,” he said, his heart pounding in his chest. “About marriage.”
“Yes.” She rubbed her hands on her pants. “Can I go first?”
“Please.”
“Do you think the Lerans will even let—?” She cut herself off, shaking her head. “Sorry. That’s the wrong place to start.”
“The wrong place?”
“Everyone else’s opinions. That’s the wrong place to start this conversation.” She met his gaze, a look crossing her face he’d never seen before. She was nervous, maybe. Her cheeks turned pink.
“I love you,” she said.
He blinked. His heart hammered in his chest, still expecting the worst. “What?”
“I love you,” she said again, like he actually hadn’t heard. “Of course I want to marry you. Again.”
A smile spread across his face and she laughed, still blushing.
“Is there a ‘but’?” he asked.
“No. I want to marry you. I don’t think the Ruined will object, but frankly, I don’t care if they do.”
His eyebrows shot up. “You don’t?”
“No. I’ve sacrificed plenty for them. I don’t need to give you up too.” Her smile faded a bit, the way it did when she was about to mention her sister. “I told Olivia I would, but it was a lie. I never would have given you up, Cas.”
He was trying not to grin, but he was so happy he thought he might burst out of his skin. “I want to marry you, too,” he said, even though she already knew.
“And do you think the Lerans will allow it?”
“I don’t care.”
“I’ll be an unpopular queen. I’m used to people looking down on me, hating me. Some Lerans will never accept me, and they’ll hate you, too. Are you all right with that?”
“Yes.” He said it with absolute confidence.
“When we start negotiations we’ll need to make it clear that you get to choose who you marry, even if we strip the monarchy of some of its power. We can’t give anyone approval or veto power over your marriage. For your sake and for the sake of your”—her lips twitched up—“our—children.”
He leaned forward, reaching for her. She slipped her hand into his and let him tug her closer, scooting across the floor and settling down in his lap with one knee on either side of his thighs. He tilted his head up and kissed her briefly.
“They would be fools to say no,” she said. She looped her arms around his neck. “Our children will be Ruined. Every other kingdom will be terrified of Leran royalty, even if we have a limited role in government. August made that clear last night. Tell them that.”
He laughed as she leaned down to kiss him again. “They’ll like that, actually.”
“I know they will.”
He pressed his lips to hers again, tightening the arm around her waist. All of this was assuming that Olivia didn’t kill them all, or August didn’t launch a successful attack and take the country from Cas again. He knew they weren’t anywhere close to out of danger yet, but he let himself pretend for a moment, as he kissed Em.
She pulled back just a little and rested her forehead against his. Her fingers were in his hair, gently gripping the too-long strands. He was overdue for a haircut, but he might leave it long if she was going to grab it like that.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “That I didn’t tell you I loved you before, that I didn’t believe we could do this the way you did. It’s not that I didn’t love you, I was just scared.”
“I know,” he said, even though he was practically still vibrating with relief from her confession. She didn’t need to know that a tiny part of him hadn’t been sure that she loved him the way he loved her.
She kissed him like he’d been totally insane to doubt her. Her fingers were still in his hair and his hands found their way to her thighs. If he and Em had been somewhere more private, he probably would have started tearing her clothes off. He would have pushed her back on the pillows and finished what they started weeks ago in Vallos.
But he heard the murmured voices of the guards outside and pulled back, letting his lips linger on hers for a moment longer.
“Have dinner with me tonight?” he asked. “The staff has reluctantly agreed to let me make my own meals in the small kitchen off the private dining room.”
“You’re going to cook the dinner?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.
“Don’t look so skeptical. I’ve gotten pretty good.”