“Stop talking,” she says with a cute eye roll, “or you’ll ruin it.”
I bought a car.
After dinner with Cal, Charlotte, and Cal’s parents, I randomly decided it was time to replace the vehicle that had been totaled last spring. A couple hours later and I drove off the lot in a mostly new black Chevy Trailblazer. I was tired of relying on rides or borrowing Cal’s truck.
When I get back to Cal’s, I shoot Grandma a picture of it. She likes when I’m responsible and shit. As soon as she replies, I roll my eyes.
Grandma: Looks expensive. When you go through your mail, shred all the credit card apps.
I dread going through that box, but Grandma will ride my ass until I do. So much for being an adult. I’ll always be the kid she was saddled with when Mom got herself in trouble. I love my grandma, but she’s a major pain in my ass.
As soon as I walk inside, I can hear Charlotte’s whines from in their bedroom. Whatever Cal’s up to today sounds painful. That dude has always been such a fucking freak in the bedroom, but with Charlotte, it’s like she unleashed all the wicked parts of him. They’re in love, so it must work for them. I’m just not into pain and shit. After the accident, I’ve had enough pain for this lifetime and I sure as shit don’t want to inflict any on Penny.
I take a quick shower to rub one out, my thoughts on my girl, before settling in my bed to go through the box piled high with mail. It’s nearing nine and I can’t help but worry about Penny. She’s off doing something secretive and I hate it. I wish she’d just talk to me. Knowing her, she’s probably learning ass kicking moves from Jace so she could beat up Grayson and Eli. That shit would not surprise me in the least.
My box of mail is mostly full of credit card offers. I ignore most of Grandma’s notes she’s written on them, all of which are to help guide me into adulthood.
This company is a scam.
This card usually offers good rates at first but raises them to 28% later.
Don’t apply for this one.
Credit cards lead to debt, which you don’t need.
There are get well cards from some family members and friends. All of which she writes that I need to text them a thank you. I find a few hospital bill receipts, and out of curiosity, actually open those to see what kind of debt I owe Garrett. Not that he’s made any move to ask me to pay him back.
I open one hospital receipt and nearly throw up my steak.
Three hundred thousand dollars.
Just for my stay at the hospital. That’s not even including the surgeries or therapies. Holy fuck. I collect all the bills and put them in a stack to open later. I’ll have to give this guy half my paycheck for the rest of my life and I’ll still never pay him back. Makes me feel like shit about it too.
With a heavy sigh, I dig until I find some letters.
From Lacey.
“What the fuck?” I mutter.
Now I feel like an idiot for avoiding this until now. She’s probably written to me to tell me where she’s at. That Jack’s an abusive asshole. I could have gotten to the bottom of this a long time ago. Maybe I would’ve been told Zella was mine long before I made that conclusion myself after Christmas.
I dig through the whole box, finding all the letters to me, sorting them in order of when they’re postmarked. They started a year ago, months before my accident. I remember Grandma texting me while I was at OSU telling me I had some letters. I didn’t even respond because letters feel ancient when you could text. I assumed they were from family or some shit.
I open the first letter, my chest tightening with unease.
Terrence,
It’s your right to be mad at me. I’m sorry it took me so long to write this. I’ve been unable to find the courage to until now. I thought it was better this way. That we were safer. Truth is, it’s not. I’m scared and it’s not just me to think about. There’s no other way to tell you this. You have a daughter. Zella Teejay Henderson. She’ll be four at the end of April. I’m sorry. I have no other words for you. I’ve written my address. I don’t have a phone and it’d be best if you didn’t write back. Just come visit us. Who knows, maybe we might come back with you.
Lacey
I read the letter several more times, confirming that Zella is indeed my daughter. Holy shit. I knew. I just had a gut feeling, but seeing this has my heart expanding, wanting that little girl in my life right the fuck now. I open the next letter that’s a month later.
Terrence,
I can tell you’re mad, but Zella doesn’t deserve this. She needs her father. I am fine with you not wanting to have anything to do with me, but I can’t stand by and let you ignore her. Please. It’s imperative you come here. Meet her. Don’t abandon her, T.
Lacey
Her letter pisses me off. She’s the one who abandoned me, not the other way around. I was completely enamored with Lacey. We had real potential to be something. She upped and left, leaving me to nurse my broken heart. I didn’t even have a chance to love Lacey. She couldn’t even give me that. And now she’s throwing out accusations of abandonment over snail mail? This bitch has some nerve.
Irritated, I rip open the next letter that comes a few weeks later.
Terrence,
I gave her the middle name of Teejay. After you. Terrence James. He doesn’t know that. It’s my “fuck you” to him. I don’t get them very often, but when I do, it feels good. I’m sorry about my last letter. I was upset. Please come to us. Come get us. I don’t have a number and please don’t write. Just show up. I’ll go back to Hood River with you. We can be a family.
Lacey
The desperation in this letter has guilt flooding through me. She’s obviously talking about Jack. It unnerves me to think about what that asshole could have been doing to her. Quickly, I rip open another letter that’s dated a week later.
Terrence,
She’s such a sweet girl. Too quiet for her age. Unfortunately, she’s learned that when her mouth is closed, she doesn’t get into trouble. I hate this life for her. I hate that she has to fear speaking because of what he will do. I can’t live like this. The last time I tried to leave, it ended badly. I’m no match for him, T. I need you to come to us. Just get the three of us and we’ll leave that bastard. Then, we can go to the cops or whatever. I just need you to come to us. I didn’t want to write this in the letter in case it got returned back to me somehow and got in his hands, but I’m desperate. We need a savior.
I didn’t want to leave you that night. I knew we were moving to Florida and I just couldn’t tell you. All I wanted was one single good night in my life. Just one. You were it. I still owe you breakfast. If you come to us, I’ll buy you breakfast every day. I swear to you. If not for me, do this for Zella. She needs her daddy.
Lacey
Rage boils my blood. She was scared to death and I was living my best life in college. And now that motherfucker has stolen her daughter away. There’s one letter left and I’m afraid to open it. It’s dated the day of my accident.
Terrence,
I’m pregnant.
I’m disgusted and embarrassed and horrified. I don’t want his baby, but what choice do I have? It was bad enough with one child to shield from him. But two? I’m going to try to come see you. We might have to hide out for a bit. Mom is helping me formulate a plan. It has to go just right or he’ll take Zella away from me. I can’t lose her. Hopefully we’ll see you soon.