As long as that place exists, young women like her will be taken there, Sara knows. Closing one place or putting away one man will not make a dent in all the evil in Juárez, much less in Mexico or the world. She remembers something she read in school once: The decision to act against evil is not measured by the impact it has on the evil but by the impact it has on the person who acts. She can’t remember who wrote it, but the words ring true. The only thing that matters is that she act in accordance with her conscience.
She digs in her backpack for the twenty pesos she hid there for emergencies and leaves them under her cup. On her way back to the El Sol building, she makes a mental list of what she must do next. She wants to see Ernesto, find out if he’s gotten any more information on the location of the evil place. Then she’ll go get Mami at work and take her home. Hopefully, Emiliano will be there. She’ll tell them everything. They should be given the opportunity to decide their future, even if she already knows what they will say. Then, after that, she’ll go to Linda’s house and talk to Mr. and Mrs. Fuentes. They need to know all that she has found out.
Ernesto isn’t in his office, so Sara leaves him a note on a sticky pad: I’m going home. Call me as soon as you can.
The news floor is quiet. Sara feels entirely alone. She knows what has to be done but she also wants someone to tell her what she should do. She goes over to Juana’s office. She’ll tell Juana all that is happening. Juana has always been the newspaper’s biggest advocate for the Desaparecidas. That’s the real Juana, not the one she’s seen the past two days. It’s the real Juana who Sara needs right now.
But Juana’s office is empty. Sara stands in front of it for a few moments, not knowing where to go next.
“She’s in the conference room with Felipe working on the budget,” Lupita says behind her.
Sara starts to walk away and then remembers she gave away her emergency taxi money. Today is one day when she doesn’t want to take public transportation home.
“Lupita, you think I could have a taxi voucher? I’m going home early today. I don’t feel well.”
“I don’t get to give them out anymore. Queen Juana thought I wasn’t mean enough when it came to giving out vouchers. Her Majesty is the only one who can give them out.”
“I think you’re a lot meaner than Juana,” Sara says, only half joking.
“I know, right? Juana’s a pussycat and I’m a tiger.” Lupita roars.
Sara pretends to laugh. For a moment, she considers borrowing taxi money from Lupita but then thinks better of it. Maybe she can wait for Ernesto in the IT room and borrow it from him when he returns.
“She keeps them in the bottom right-hand drawer,” Lupita says, her fingers already flying over her keyboard.
“What?”
“The vouchers. Go ahead and get one. The drawer’s locked but you can find the key under the lamp. Don’t tell anyone I told you.”
“Thank you,” Sara says. “I really needed someone to be nice to me today.”
“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it. Hurry, before someone sees you.”
Sara walks into Juana’s office and sits in her chair. There under the lamp is the key to the drawer, just as Lupita said. Sara smiles when she sees Juana’s old Rolodex full of contact cards. She can’t help checking, and Ernesto is right: Filed under P is a series of passwords. The last one is Micifus#25. Micifus is the name of one of Juana’s cats. Clearly, Juana does what Sara does and just keeps increasing the number every time Ernesto’s harsh security system forces them to change passwords. Elias would have had no trouble coming into her office, logging on to her computer, and deleting the hotline e-mails.
Sara is still shaking her head as she unlocks the bottom drawer and opens it. The taxi vouchers are right next to a bottle of rum, which Sara knows Juana pours into a Coke at the end of a hard day. She removes a taxi voucher from the pad and is about to close the drawer when something makes her stop and look at a cigar box partially hidden under a notebook. It feels almost like a voice asking her to look inside. She takes out the cigar box and opens it.
There is only one item inside: a small manila envelope with an H on it. Sara picks it up, her hand trembling. The manila envelope is not sealed. She opens it and takes out the white envelope with her name on it. She can feel the cell phone inside.
At that moment, her mind goes blank. It clicks off. She can’t think or feel anything, but she reacts instinctively: She takes the envelope with the cell phone and drops it in her backpack. Then she puts the manila envelope back in the cigar box, closes the drawer, locks it, and puts the key under the lamp.
Sara stands. She’s not sure her legs will hold her up, but they do, barely. Lupita winks at her as she leaves Juana’s office and her heart jumps, but then she remembers the wink is for the taxi voucher in her hand. Sara even manages to wink back.
She walks ever so slowly to the elevator and waits for it to inch its way up from the first floor. Why? What could Juana possibly gain by helping Hinojosa? She tries as best she can to remember the conversation she had with Juana at the quinceañera. Something about finding the money to save El Sol. Perhaps Juana is working under his protection and funding. Does that make her less evil? She doesn’t have time to answer that question for herself because just then the elevator door opens and Elias steps out, black silk jacket and all.
“Going out?”
“Yeah,” she mutters. “Home. Not feeling well today.”
“You don’t look good. I can drive you. My car is down the street.”
Is he being kind or is he working with Juana and Hinojosa? Who is good and who is bad? She can no longer tell.
“Taxi,” Sara says, waving the voucher as she steps onto the elevator. The doors close between them.
God, my God, she prays. Please help me. Help all of us.
“Emiliano!” Javier says when he sees Emiliano at the door.
“Come in, come in!” Javier’s mother says.
Everyone turns when Emiliano enters. The room is full of an energy that feels like happiness. Marta stands so Emiliano can take her chair. Nieves grabs his hand. Mrs. Robles goes to the red cooler to fill a glass with water. Rosario rises from the couch and turns the fan on. Emiliano notices that she has a beauty that reveals itself only slowly.
“I don’t have any more piñatas,” Javier says. “We had to take Marta to the emergency room yesterday.”
Marta looks as if she will crumple to the floor any second. “Thank you,” Emiliano says to her. “You sit. I can’t stay. I need to talk to Javier for a few minutes.” Then to Javier, “You want to take a walk?”
“All right,” Javier says, with slight apprehension.
Javier is the most mature of all the Jiparis. Even at fourteen, he has lived more, seen more, and felt more than most adults. Emiliano has always felt close to him because they share a special bond: They both want nothing to do with their fathers. Javier’s father is in Mexico City, maybe alive and maybe dead, no one knows. One day, while he was out on a binge, Mrs. Robles put everyone on a bus and came to Juárez, where she heard the assembly plants were hiring. The family lives in fear that one day he will find them.
Emiliano blinks a few times when they step outside.