“Yes, the house is being watched right now. Something will be done. You have my word,” Estela says.
“Is there a place where I can send an e-mail?” Sara asks.
Emiliano listens closely. He too needs a place to communicate with Perla Rubi, Brother Patricio, Armando.
“There’s a café near the stadium a few blocks from here. Café Rojos. They have terminals. Tell Daniel, the owner, that I sent you. He’ll take care of you.”
“Thank you,” Sara says.
“We’re indebted to you, Sara. What you’re doing takes a lot of courage. Be careful now.”
Sara watches Estela walk out the door.
“The only place we get a signal is over here by the kitchen window,” Emiliano says, holding the cell phone Estela gave them.
“Is it okay if I take one of the lower bunks? I hate heights,” Sara says.
“Okay,” Emiliano responds, barely hearing her. What is he going to tell Armando? He’ll say he’s going to León with his mother and sister and will find a way to come back.
“Are you tired, Mami? Let’s get some sleep.” Sara takes Mami to the sofa and sits her down.
“I want to talk to you two. Emiliano, please come here.”
Emiliano sits on the chair in front of Sara and his mother. Mami clears her throat and straightens herself up. She digs her rosary out of her purse and holds it tight in her hands.
Emiliano and Sara look at each other. They recognize the signs, the solemn look. Mami’s about to tell them something so difficult for her that she needs God’s help to say it.
“I have thought about what I am going to say since long before all of this business with the threat. I had always thought this was best, but could not bring myself to do it.” Mami speaks with calm and conviction, fixing her eyes first on Sara and then on Emiliano. “I told you back at Carmela’s house that we were going to León, but that is not what we’re going to do.” She takes a deep breath. Emiliano tenses. “I am going to León alone. You two are going to your father in the United States.”
“What?” Emiliano jumps out of the chair.
“We’re not going to leave you,” Sara objects.
Mami motions for Emiliano to sit down and then waits until he does. “I lied to you. I’m sorry. I didn’t call Tencha. I called your father. He has an extra room in his basement. You can live with him until you get a place of your own.”
Emiliano feels his face burn. He does all he can not to blow up, but he knows that his efforts at containing himself are not going to work for much longer. Sara looks at him and speaks quickly, as if to divert the explosion that’s about to take place. “But, Mami, how are we going to get there?”
“It doesn’t matter! No! I’m not going to live with that man!” Emiliano shouts. It’s the first time he has ever used a defiant tone with Mami.
Mami smiles at him, a loving smile, as if she knows and even sympathizes with the emotion behind his outburst. She speaks softly to him. “I want you to find someone trustworthy who will take you across the border. We’ll pull all our money together so we can pay someone. Ask Brother Patricio to help you. He knows a lot of people. Roberto will drive down from Chicago and meet you when you’re safely in the United States.”
“Mami, he left us! He doesn’t want us! He said no to us. He rejected us. Am I the only one here who understands that? No. I can’t go live with someone who hurt you—us. Don’t ask me to do that.”
“I’m not asking you.” There is no anger in Mami’s words.
Emiliano can feel two powerful forces fighting inside him: his love and unquestioning obedience to his mother and the resentment he feels toward his father. Maybe three forces, when you count his anger at losing all that he loves in Juárez. He sees Sara shaking her head at him and pleading with her eyes not to lose it completely, not to say or do anything that he will regret later. But the idea of living with the man who broke his promise is too much to bear. “This is not the right solution to this mess. What am I going to do in the United States?” He remembers the soccer game, the chants. “They think we’re all ignorant, rapists, narcos. This is my home. Here.” Emiliano stands, realizes there’s no place to go. Sits down again. Mami and Sara seem to be waiting for him to get it all out. But there are no more words coming out of him, only something hot traveling from his stomach to his throat.
What Sara says next, Emiliano knows is for his benefit. “We can’t leave you, Mami. We’re a family. What will you do in León all alone? And even if we make it to Chicago, it will be impossible to see you for a long time. We’ll go to León with you.”
“I will be all right with Tencha. But León is not the right place for either of you.” She pauses, lowers her eyes. “Your father … he’s made a good, safe life in America. It will be a good place for you. He’s been asking for you to visit for a long time.”
“It’s not right for you to be alone,” Sara insists. “We’ll be safe in Léon.”
“It’s not just about being safe. Sara, you won’t be able to do the work you love to do in León. The minute you write something in a newspaper, the people who are trying to kill you will come after you. And Emiliano, son, here in Mexico it is too hard for you to be the person God wants you to be.”
Emiliano sits on the edge of the sofa, looking at his feet, shaking his head. Then he stands up and looks around the room. He wants to bolt out of there. Take off running through the streets. But there is no escape. Sara stands and tries to put her arm around him, but he shakes it off. “You can’t do this to me,” he says to Mami, pleading.
Mami looks at him steadily. Her eyes are full of silent love, but there is also an unshakeable strength in them.
Emiliano starts to say something and then stops. He turns and walks out the door.
Sara finds Emiliano at the bottom of the stairs, sitting on an old couch. She sits next to him and waits silently for him to cool off. Mami’s decision that they should go to Chicago surprised her until she understood her mother’s reasoning. She loves reporting, and it would be very hard for her to continue to be a reporter in Mexico. And Emiliano, if he ever stops hating Papá, would eventually thrive in the United States. She tries to imagine what life would be like in Chicago. Living with their father and his new family will be uncomfortable but bearable. She’ll find a job and eventually get a place for Emiliano and herself. Sara has always been optimistic, and as she thinks about the idea, it becomes more and more the best solution. What’s painful for her is what they’re leaving behind. Mami and her job have been her life these past few years; Mexico is in her blood, part of her, where she belongs. But perhaps she can belong in the United States as well.
Sara doesn’t know how long they stay on that ratty couch with its insides spilling out. Emiliano’s eyes stare straight ahead, his jaw clenched, his hands in fists. She keeps thinking about Estela Gómez’s answer when she asked about Linda. Something will be done. You have my word. It gives her comfort to repeat those words, to hope with all her soul that Linda is still alive. But she knows Emiliano does not have that kind of life-giving hope—a meaning that makes the sacrifice worth it. If only there was a way to see the trip to the United States as an adventure. Maybe it can be an adventure that requires all of his Jipari skills. The male ego. Challenge the male ego, she thinks. It never fails.