“I have The Notebook and I have—”
“Gosling,” he said without waiting to hear my other option.
“But—”
“There is nothing that could dissuade me from Ryan Gosling.”
“It could be another Ryan Gosling movie for all you know.”
Gideon hooked my laptop up to his TV and signaled to me to start the movie. “Could be, but it isn’t. It’s probably a Bond movie or something like that.”
It was a Bond movie, actually. Gideon had zero appreciation for a good spy movie. Even though my life was full of subterfuge, Bond still held a lot of appeal. His version of spying and righteous might seemed a lot cleaner than what I was dealing with. Odd, considering he was constantly killing people.
Gideon dug into the snacks I brought and sighed contentedly when Allie and Noah’s love story began. We’d seen it dozens of times, but it never failed to strike a chord with my friend. Maybe he only pretended to be jaded and was really the normal one. Liking happy love stories was the kind of thing regular kids did.
“I hate Rachel McAdams’s face.” He tossed a buffalo ranch chip at the screen.
Or he just really liked Ryan Gosling.
Watching a cheesy romance wasn’t my thing, never had been, but watching movies with Gideon definitely was. As busy as the last few weeks had been, I hadn’t realized how much I craved some normalcy. Now that I was here, back to our old Friday night routine, I almost wanted to cry from relief. On the other hand, having things I cherished also reminded me of how much I had to lose. When you were in a high-stakes revenge game, losing had the potential to destroy not just my life but those of the people I loved as well.
Hold on a little longer. You’re almost there.
“Hey,” I began when Ryan Gosling was off-screen. I didn’t dare talk while Ryan was gracing us with his presence. “Are we good people?”
“What?” Gideon’s eyes swiveled reluctantly away from the screen to meet mine. I repeated my question.
“Depends on your definition of ‘good.’”
“If you have to qualify what ‘good’ is, then I think that answers my question.”
He paused the movie and turned to me. “What’s all this? Since when do we care whether or not we count ourselves among good people?”
“Since I got involved in some shady business and realized how good at it I am.”
“You only joined to dismantle them. A lot of people would qualify that as a decent sort of thing to do.”
Gideon studied me in a practiced way, reading my face and pushing past any pretense I might be using to hide behind. I both loved and hated that he could see so much of what the rest of the world overlooked.
“But I’m doing some bad things along the way.”
“It sounds like you’re asking me if motivation matters. If motivation can determine whether or not a completely justifiable act is a good one.”
I nodded. Gideon could reach into my head and pull out the exact thought I wanted to share when words failed me. This I unquestionably loved. There was so much doubt in my life right now, but Gideon and I understood each other and that made the uncertainty of other things bearable.
“I don’t know, Em. Determining whether the ends justifies the means is above my pay grade.”
I sighed. I’m sure Gideon knew the answer I wanted to hear, and that was why he wouldn’t give it to me. He was forcing me to face the part of myself I’d seen in the mirror after the photos in the hallway surfaced. It was the version who enjoyed threatening Mia, the one I pulled up from the darkness I kept carefully hidden inside. Would this small fraction of who I was take over entirely before the Red Court fell? There was no way to know, but I had a feeling I would need to embrace more of that sliver of my personality to get revenge. And soon.
* * *
After movie night, I reluctantly slogged home. My dad was parked on the couch watching the evening news. For some reason, his welcoming smile snapped my brittle nerves and tears escaped onto my cheeks.
His eyes widened. “Ember, honey, what’s wrong?”
I walked over to him and allowed myself to be enveloped in a hug. I didn’t often let him hug me, but his warmth was comforting, and I sank into his side.
“I’m just having a rough day,” I mumbled into his chest.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head, hoping the strength of his hug was enough to hold my broken pieces together. There were no explanations to give when you were out for blood.
“Ok. Then maybe I could talk to you. I was hoping for some help.”
I sniffled and roughly brushed my tears away. If my dad needed me, I would be there for him in any way I could. He asked for so very little from me or anyone else. My independent streak had to be a Williams family trait, passed down from one stubborn parent to their child.
“What’s up?”
“I was thinking I could take your mom out someplace special for our anniversary.”
I laughed. “Dad, that’s, like, five months from now.”
“I know! I really need to get moving.”
He shifted so he was looking down at me, all earnest expression and guileless smile. “Do you have any suggestions?”
I tried to think of what my mom would like, of what she perhaps wished for when she blew out her birthday candle. She wasn’t into designer labels or fancy restaurants. The only thing my mom ever seemed to want was all of us together. Family was the most important thing to her. That must be another thing I inherited.
“Maybe we could do a weekend away in the mountains. All of us together,” I said to him. “I can help plan it.”
Sadness touched my dad’s hazel eyes. “I don’t want to put anything else on you, honey.”
“No, Dad, it’s ok.” I placed my head back on his shoulder. “Taking care of the people I love is the most important thing to me.”
CHAPTER 15
THE FOLLOWING DAY was my last “working” Saturday with Haley. Homecoming was the next weekend, so we had only a few more days to wrap up our plan.
Haley ran through the details from step two. Our rumors of Maura winning combined with the work of our smear campaigns against the other nominees should be enough to get our girl elected.
“That brings us to phase three,” she said, tapping her nails against the screen of her tablet.
I swallowed a large bite of the hummus and veggies Haley had brought. “Finally. Alright, let’s hear it.” I was ready for this job to end. I needed to direct my attention to the real prize.