Climb.
Five. Ten. Twenty stories. Whatever it takes to get to Fitz.
“It’s me!” I call up. But my announcement is unnecessary. Fitz’s head is already hanging over the platform, his smile blazing and his eyes locked on mine in the low evening light.
“Hurry up, Collins.”
I climb quickly and am rewarded for my speed with a kiss at the top. He smells like soap from his post-game shower, and the ends of his hair are still damp under his hat.
“I missed you,” I say, not worrying whether it’s too much or too clingy or whatever. I still get the urge to make lists in my head, but I’m working on it. My therapist tells me to be patient with myself. So that’s what I’m doing.
“I always miss you,” Fitz says as we sit on the edge of the platform, our feet dangling off the edge. “In fact, if I miss you this badly after three hours, I’m not sure I’m going to survive your trip abroad. Put me in your suitcase; take me with you.” He smiles against my lips, kissing me deeply again.
“I wish.”
“Then let’s do it.”
“You’d really want to come with me?”
He pulls back and makes unwavering eye contact. Something swoops low in my stomach as my breath catches in my throat. “From now on, consider me the Darcy to your Elizabeth. I’m just a player in your story.”
“Dramatic, much?” I roll my eyes, but he captures my face between his hands.
“If you want me with you, I’m with you.”
“What about baseball? Don’t forget you’re now a Sun Devil. You can’t just take off on your team.”
He drops his hands. “Stupid real life getting in the way of everything,” he mumbles, and I know what he means. In two months, we’re graduating. Two months after that, real life starts. For me, that means Mesa Community College and a job, as I slowly save up money for a study abroad program or a mission trip with Clover’s church or some other opportunity I haven’t thought of yet. For Fitz, that means Arizona State University and a spot on their baseball team. It’s tempting to panic at life tearing us apart when we only just realized we belong together.
I lean forward against the railing and peer down, flashing back to that night just before Christmas. Instead of dwelling on it, I tip my head back and gaze at the stars. “Statistically, the odds are against us.”
“Why do you sound so okay with that?” Fitz frowns.
I scoot closer, taking his hand in mine. He’s spent so many nights comforting my anxieties, and now it’s my turn to soothe his. “Because I believe in us. If it takes a miracle to keep us together, we’ll create the miracle. I’ll write love letters in every city in this whole damn world if it means finding my way back to you. We don’t have to worry about time spent apart or how the future is going to play out.”
His mouth crooks up in a smile. “You really believe that?”
I drop my head against his shoulder and close my eyes, thinking back to the moment Clover downloaded Magic 8. If I’ve learned anything since then, it’s that I don’t need to panic about the future. Life is going to be hard and wonderful, and if I have a say in any of it, I’m going to see the world. And one way or another, Fitz will be by my side when I do.
One Way or Another is the most personal story I’ve ever written. Paige isn’t me, but I put so much of myself into her. I set out to write the exact kind of book my romantic yet anxious heart has always wanted, and I’m endlessly proud of it. There are so many people who helped me in this journey, more than I can possibly list here, but I’ll give it a try regardless.
To Katelyn Detweiler, you are everything I dreamed of having in a literary agent. I still feel so lucky that Paige’s story landed in your hands. You understood what I wanted from the very beginning, and I knew you were the perfect agent for me when you encouraged me to add another kiss scene at the end of the book. Thanks for that advice, and for all the emails, phone calls, guidance, and support. This past year has been filled with wonderful milestones and I can’t wait for what comes next. To Sam Farkas: Paige’s dream of traveling the world is coming true, thanks to you. Every time your name pops up in my email, I scream with delight, and I can’t wait to hold my first foreign edition in my hands. Thank you thank you thank you. And a massive thank you to Mary Pender and Olivia Fanaro at United Talent Agency for all your enthusiasm for this project!
To my brilliant and kind editor, Mallory Kass, who understood Paige’s story in a way no one else did. You not only believed in my ending, but you also wanted #TeamFitz and #TeamHarrison shirts. (I do too!) Thank you for all your insights, for refusing to let me settle for jokes that aren’t funny, and for reminding me that you’re here to bring out the best in my story. And thank you to the whole team at Scholastic, especially Rachel Feld, Shannon Pender, Lauren Donovan, Taylan Salvati, Lizette Serrano, Emily Heddleson, Maya Marlette, Josh Berlowitz, Yaffa Jaskoll, David Levithan, and Nikki Mutch. And thanks to Dr. Peter Kass for his expert read and his insight into Paige’s anxiety.
To RuthAnne Snow, Kelly Coon, Sam Taylor, and especially Kimberly Gabriel, thank you for being the first to read Paige’s story and fall in love with Fitz and Harrison, and for helping me shape this book into what it is today. Kimberly, I’m not sure I would have survived debut year without sliding into your DMs every other day; thanks for being there to celebrate and commiserate. Thank you also to Leah Crichton for the support and encouragement on the days writing felt impossibly hard. Sara Faring, when I wasn’t sure if this story was worth writing, you sent me a copy of Light the Dark and changed everything. And thank you to Lillian Clark, Tiana Smith, and the rest of the Class of 2k19 for helping me launch my first book baby into the world!
To the AZ YA/MG writer’s group, especially Abigail Johnson, Kate Watson, and Joanne Ruth Meyer, thanks for taking me in. Three years later, and I still feel lucky to be among your ranks. Thanks for inviting me to participate in my first-ever panels and events, and for always being willing to chat about books and publishing and how insane it is to try to write novels while also raising busy toddlers.
To everyone that I call family, the Durkins and the McDowells, thank you for all the support and love. To Owen, Graham, and Emmett: It’s not always easy or convenient to have a mom who rushes away from dinner to write down the “one” sentence that won’t get out of her head. I know, I know! But my life is better because of you. I’m better because of you, and so are my books. Thanks for being the best little motivators and for thoroughly distracting me when publishing gets rough. And to Scott, your support for my career is unwavering, just like you. I love you, and I can’t wait for a lifetime of adventures with you by my side.
Born in the mountains and raised in the desert, Kara McDowell spent her childhood swimming, boating, and making up stories in her head. Now she lives in Mesa, Arizona, where she divides her time between writing, baking, and playing board games with her husband and three young sons. Find her online at karajmcdowell.com, on Twitter at @karajmcdowell, and on Instagram at @karajmcdowellbooks.