“We thought you went quiet on us because we weren’t as cool as Marco. We had a few theories,” Yasmin mumbled.
I thought about how much weirder my life had been, and how that looked from their perspective. My friends only saw the random days off school, my family’s fame and me being withdrawn. I never let them in.
“No way! Meeting you all has been the best thing about moving back to London. That first day in Miss Bloom’s English class … I was so nervous it was unreal. And you guys made me feel at home. It meant the world to me,” I said.
“Then why the disappearing act?” Daphne asked.
There was no easy way to answer that honestly.
“Things have been weird lately. I’m still adjusting to this new life with my dad.” I took a deep breath. “Also, Marco and I broke up.”
The girls gasped.
“When?!”
“Why?!”
“Do you need me to get Isaac to jump him?!”
“Slow down with the questions! It was never going to work out between us anyway,” I said. “And I’m doing OK.”
Daphne went over to my side of the sofa and put her arms around me. “I really wish you’d told us, Hels.”
“We just want to be here for you, babe,” Noor said.
“Sometimes I just can’t talk about things that easily,” I said. “I’m working on it, though.”
“Um, Helen,” Yasmin said. “Is something burning?”
The salted caramel cupcakes failed miserably (and Maria was going to kill me for ruining her baking tin). Luckily, the other surprises I had planned didn’t rely on my cooking skills.
As we waited for our pizzas to arrive, I told the group about their surprises.
“So you know how I’m really sorry for being a crap friend? I want to make it up to you properly,” I said.
“Aw, Hels, you don’t have to do that!” Yasmin said.
“Seriously, Helen, you don’t. No one needs to try your baking for the second time,” Noor said, laughing.
I raised my eyebrows. “You sure about that, Noor? Because I can always find another home for this.” I pulled a cardboard box from behind the sofa. “My big sis deleted her YouTube channel. She doesn’t need her state-of-the-art webcam any more. Plus there’s a load of untouched make-up in there. She’s assured me it’s good stuff.”
“Whoa, Noor, this is awesome!” Daphne said. “Now you’ve got no excuse not to start that YouTube channel.”
“Helen, this is sick!” Noor said, rooting through her box of goodies. It felt so good to see her happy.
“Daphs, this is for you,” I said, pulling out a huge shopping bag. “I remembered you saying you love all things vintage. Right?”
Aphrodite (reluctantly) let me choose a couple of old dresses from her vast wardrobe for Daphne. I picked the fifties-style dresses with full skirts.
Daphne pulled out a crimson number and unfurled it. “Where did you find this?! It’s beyond perfect,” she squealed.
“Don’t worry about that. If you love it then it’s yours,” I said. I turned to Yasmin. “Yas, I haven’t exactly got you a gift.”
“Oh please, Helen,” she said. “I owe you one for saving my life on New Year’s Eve.”
I gave her a look. “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, you know that my other sister works in a law firm, right? She says you’re welcome to shadow her for work experience whenever you’re ready. And she’ll write you a reference, too!”
Yasmin’s jaw dropped. “Helen, are you for real?! This’ll help me so much when I’m applying for sixth-form colleges.”
“Honestly, girls, it’s the least I can do,” I said.
“Awesome as all of this is, you know it’s not necessary. Right?” Daphne said.
“Innit,” Noor said. “Just talk to us next time, dummy.”
I nodded. “Sounds like a deal.”
FORTY-SIX
I opened my front door and could hear arguing. Great. We’d been back home for less than two days but my family were already bickering.
“Eros, you’re getting ashes on the floor!” Maria said. I rushed into the kitchen and gave her a massive hug. I was so happy to see her.
“Helen! You must tell me all about this dreadful trial. Right after Eros gets rid of his flaming herbs.”
“Maria, it’s a sage cleanse,” he said. The acrid smell wafted in my face. Gross. “This house has seen a lot of … energy recently. This’ll sort out the atmosphere.”
I sat at the kitchen table while Maria shooed Eros out of the kitchen.
“My Snail Slime Serum arrived over the weekend!” Aphrodite dumped a package on the kitchen table. “You’ll help me test it, right, Helen? It’s the only hope for that spot on your forehead.”
Before I could answer, a DOOF-DOOF-DOOF sound boomed from the ceiling. Apollo was reunited with his DJ decks.
“Happy to be home, darling?” Dad wandered into the kitchen with his coffee mug.
I waved the sage smoke out of my face and grinned. Home.
Dear Mum,
I can start the letter with something positive, for once. I’m doing much better since I last wrote to you. To try and describe the last week in one letter would make my hand ache (and I’m sure you’d prefer I save that energy for my French homework).
Mum, I think I would have made you proud. I never in a million years thought I could be so brave. But I just kept putting one foot in front of the other like you taught me. I guess I’m much more like you than I thought.
Even though today is Valentine’s Day, the only card I’ll be getting is one from Eros. Marco is well and truly out of my life. It’s for the best. I think I’m going to swear off boys for a while. At least for a couple of months anyway…
Things are back to normal now. Or as normal as they’ll ever be. Apollo and Aphrodite are staying far away from fame. Dad is as passionate about junk sales and probiotic bacteria as ever, but he comes out of his office every now and then. We’re even going to try visiting somewhere other than a museum.
Let’s face it: I was never going to have a “normal” family. My life with you never fitted into that category, but that didn’t make it any less wonderful.
One good thing to come out of this whole trial? Dad actually trusts me. I’m allowed to have friends over for sleepovers and everything! And Aphrodite is way easier on me. She doesn’t flip if I take too long in the bathroom, and she hasn’t tried to transform my hair in ages.
My family aren’t perfect, but they’re mine and they’ve got my back. Wherever you are, you don’t need to worry about me.
Love for ever,
Helen xxx
Q&A WITH THE AUTHOR,
ALEXANDRA SHEPPARD
What inspired you to write Oh My Gods?
Oh My Gods was inspired by a comedy-musical from 1946 called “Down to Earth” – my sisters and I watched it with my mum one Sunday afternoon, back when families typically had one TV per household so were forced to spend time together (ahh, the noughties). The film starred Rita Hayworth as a Greek muse, who, after finding out that a Broadway producer is about to spoof Greek mythology in his next play, comes down to earth disguised as a mortal actress in order to intervene. The film, truth be told, is forgettable. But the idea of Greek gods on earth has stuck with me ever since. This idea, combined with my evergreen love of angst-filled teen confessionals, was the source for Oh My Gods.