A quiz from a misogynistic website claiming that if you don’t mind a woman’s stretch marks, then it’s real love.
A slideshow with scenes from City of Angels full of quotes about love.
All the results show that being in love is either sick, a serious problem, or sappy. That’s not how I feel. What I feel is good.
I wish I had a best friend to talk to about it. But for the moment, I don’t have any best friends who aren’t actually the guy I’m in love with. In a healthy way that has nothing to do with obsessive passion, of course.
It’s weird to think that before Caio came to stay with us, all I wanted was to spend my entire vacation locked in my room. It’s now the middle of the day, and I can’t stand the loneliness.
I had a frozen lasagna for lunch and started a new Netflix show about teenagers fighting to survive a zombie apocalypse. (Vampires show up in episode three.) The show is terrible, but I’m almost done with the first season.
As I’m trying to decide if I should watch another episode or take a quick nap, I hear a phone ring in my bedroom. It’s not mine, that’s for sure. On the nightstand, Caio’s phone buzzes and blinks. I look at the screen and see Rebeca is trying to call. Caio saved her contact as “Pretty Becky <3.”
I let it ring until Becky gives up, because it doesn’t seem polite to pick up someone else’s phone without consent. She calls again, and once more I ignore it. But when the phone starts ringing a third time, I pick it up because A) the vibration of a phone against any surface annoys the heck out of me, and B) it might be an emergency.
“Hello?”
“Who’s this?” she says, suspicious.
“Hey, Becky. It’s Felipe. Caio went out with my mom. He forgot his phone.”
“Ah, yeah,” she says casually. She doesn’t seem to find it weird that he’s hanging out with my mom and not me. “Tell him I called, will you? If you want to add that you heard a hint of regret in my voice, that would be super helpful.”
“Regret?”
“Oh, Fe. I’ve been a shitty friend, you know? Since I started dating Mel, I haven’t been there for Caio, and when I saw you this weekend, he was so different and had so much to tell me and … I don’t know. I felt distant. I called now to apologize. I don’t want to lose him.”
“No chance of that. For real, Rebeca. He adores you,” I say, trying to cheer her up. “He saved your name on his phone as ‘Pretty Becky’ with a heart next to it.
Becky’s laughter is such a pleasant sound.
“He likes you, too, Felipe. I’ll admit that at first I was even jealous,” she says.
“Of me? What are you talking about?”
“If only you knew. Caio told me everything about what you two have been up to. ‘Felipe lent me a book here; Felipe and I watched a movie there; Felipe this, Felipe that.’ I couldn’t take it anymore!” she says happily.
I’m both happy and confused. Happy because Caio said nice things about me, but confused because, honestly, we haven’t done anything since he got here. Nothing but watch TV, order takeout, and share a moment of embarrassment every time my mom says something like “I was almost a lesbian in college.” I want to know everything he told Rebeca about me, but I don’t know how to ask the question in a subtle way.
So I just do it directly.
“What did Caio tell you about me?” I try to make my voice sound a little ironic. But it seems like she knows exactly where I’m going with this.
“Oh, you want to know if he told me that the two of you slept in the same bed together?” she says teasingly.
So he did.
“I’m not going to play Cupid here, because I’m too old for that,” Rebeca says. “But after we went to the pool on Friday, Mel told me you were smitten with Caio. I thought that was totally off because, I don’t know, I don’t understand you gay boys. If you were girls, you’d be married on day three and adopting a cat the following week. Are you? Smitten with him, I mean.”
I go silent.
Rebeca understands my silence and keeps talking.
“And then Caio tells me you slept together but didn’t do anything else, and I thought it was cute. Caio has never really liked anyone, you know? He’s afraid of falling in love, his parents finding out, and all that. You’ve met his mom, right?”
I listen to it all attentively, imagining Caio and me adopting a cat together. I grab a piece of paper and start scribbling possible names for our cat. And Rebeca, of course, won’t stop talking for one second.
“I can’t tell when Caio is into someone because it has never happened before. The boy has a heart of ice. But I can guarantee he likes you. And the good news is, I liked you, too. Which, thank god, because I wouldn’t be able to stand him talking nonstop about a guy I don’t like. A point for you, Fe!”
“Thanks?” I say, trying to process all this information.
“Is that a question?”
“I don’t know; I’m not good with compliments.”
Rebeca ignores my comment and continues, “Here’s what I mean: It’s cool that you showed up. That was exactly what I meant to tell Caio if he hadn’t left his phone behind. Who forgets their phone these days? It’s like leaving the house without your head! Anyway. I’ve been a pretty shitty friend, always working, studying, or making out with Melissa.” Becky laughs at her own joke. “And I don’t want to throw all the responsibility to you, but I’m glad that we’re sharing custody of Caio now. Our high school is full of assholes; Caio hasn’t made any friends since I graduated. I promise to be a better friend from now on. But take good care of him, okay? He’s one of my favorite people in the whole world. Along with Melissa, my mom, and Cockroach. That’s my dog, by the way. You really have to meet Cockroach one of these days. Aaanyways, take good care of my friend.”
For heaven’s sake, the girl likes to talk!
“You got it. I’ll be a good friend,” I promise.
“Sweet. I gotta run now. Late for work. Super late, actually. Tell Caio I called. And if you need anything, anytime, give me a ring. Actually, no, don’t. Text me. I have no patience for phone calls.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” I say with a laugh.
“Jerk,” she says.
We exchange phone numbers and hang up. I take a deep, relieved breath, enjoying the silence once again.
Two seconds later, I get a text from Becky (on my phone this time):
Becky:
If you like him, you have to make it VERY CLEAR
cause Caio can be slow to pick up on cues
also kinda dim sometimes
but a sweetheart
I stare at my phone for a bit. Without thinking, I text thanks for the tip and send it. I reread my answer and feel it sounds a little dry. So I add a haha. And a unicorn emoji, just to be sure.
And then I prepare to spend a full day torturing myself with the possibility of Caio liking me back. And the fact that I need to make my feelings VERY CLEAR, like that, in caps.
What a disaster.
By the end of the afternoon, I have a list of thirty-two possible names for the hypothetical cat that Caio and I will adopt someday. My favorite at the moment are: