“It should have been completely healed by now,” I grumbled.
“It’s mostly my fault,” she acknowledged. “It probably would be better if I’d done my home exercises after physical therapy, and if I hadn’t been so isolated that I didn’t walk much. I just wasn’t really motivated to do anything because I was always so tired.”
Yeah, that shit happened when someone was sleep-deprived, anxious, depressed, guilt-ridden, grief-stricken, and felt like they had no real purpose in life anymore.
Fuck! If I’d known just how bad things were going for Harlow, I would have nipped this shit in the bud a long time ago.
Before she’d gotten sleep-deprived because of her nightmares.
Before she’d sunk into a deep depression and anxiety.
Before she’d had a chance to completely internalize her guilt.
Before she’d suffered more than she already had from the kidnapping.
I felt like Last Hope and Montgomery Mining had completely failed her.
Hell, worse than that, I felt like I’d failed her, and I had no damn idea why I was feeling that way. Harlow and I weren’t exactly friends, and we’d never been lovers. But for some reason, I felt connected to her in a way I couldn’t explain, even if I wanted to try to find a rational reason for it.
Honestly, I was certain that unexplainable connection had been the reason I’d reached out to be her advisor in the first place. I’d needed to know she was doing okay after what she’d been through.
She’s not okay, and I wish to hell I’d known that a lot earlier.
Unfortunately, after seeing her today, the previous agreement I’d made with Harlow wasn’t going to cut it. A few hours a week with her wasn’t going to help me accomplish what I needed to get done as soon as possible.
“I need to change up our advisor agreement a little,” I said, already knowing I was going to get some pushback.
She turned her head to look at me. “Before we talk about our agreement, I need a favor,” she said hesitantly.
Okay, this could work. If she needed something from me, maybe we could work out some kind of deal. “Shoot. What do you need?”
She took a deep breath. “If you haven’t already, I’d appreciate it if you don’t share this whole advisor situation with Hudson right now. Taylor is so happy, and if she finds out that I’m not doing well, she’ll worry. She thinks I’m doing okay. I’d prefer to let her continue to assume that for a little while longer.”
Fuck! Just when Harlow should be reaching out to Taylor, she’d obviously shut her down. Taylor was doing great, and I knew she’d be the first one to support Harlow if the stubborn woman had just given her a chance. “You do realize that you’ll eventually have to tell her the truth so the two of you can talk.”
She nodded. “Yes. I just don’t want to do that right now. Please. I’d like to get my head on straight before I try to get her to tell me what really happened.”
Maybe it’s better this way, for now.
“I haven’t said a word about this to Hudson. The only ones who know are me and Marshall. I can make sure it stays that way until you feel like you’re ready to come clean with Taylor,” I agreed. “I’m not saying I think it’s the right thing to do because I think Taylor would be there for you if you needed her. But I respect your right to keep it private.”
“Thanks,” she answered, sounding relieved. “Now tell me how you want to change our agreement.”
I took a deep breath.
I was a co-CEO of a company that was a global giant, but I felt like I’d never gone into making a deal as important as the one I was about to attempt right now.
Harlow
“I don’t think my knee is quite a hundred percent, but it doesn’t hurt at all anymore,” I told Jax as I swam in his ridiculously large pool. “I think it just needs to get a little stronger.”
Jax had picked me up from my apartment and brought me to his gorgeous Coronado Island home every single day for the last two weeks.
Usually, he arrived around four in the afternoon, and our routine was always the same.
We worked out in his gym, my exercises gentle and modified to help get my knee stronger.
After that, we always hit the pool, usually with a glass of wine, and grabbed some dinner before he took me back home.
Our walks and talks had gotten lengthier, and my trust in Jax had grown over the last two weeks.
I saw Dr. Romero every single morning, and in addition to traditional therapy, she was also doing EMDR, which seemed to be helping me enormously. I’d been a little skeptical that anything could help reprocess any of my bad memories, much less desensitize me enough to not react to triggers. Fortunately, I’d discovered that all of my doubts had been unfounded. As Dr. Romero had hoped, those sessions had started working soon after I’d finished the second one. After that, I seemed to improve a little more every day.
My horrible nightmares had stopped, but I partly credited my new canine companion for that. I sometimes woke up startled at night, only to find that Molly was nudging me to wake up. I was completely convinced that the adorable little monster could actually sense when I was falling into a nightmare. I had no clue whether it was some kind of restlessness or noises I made when I was sleeping that tipped her off. All I knew was that it was easy to fall back to sleep since I didn’t wake up screaming and traumatized.
“I’m starting to get hungry,” Jax informed me from his lounger beside the pool.
His swims didn’t usually last all that long. Maybe because he was used to having this amazing pool available all the time. But me? I lingered in the water as long as possible. There was something magical about being in the infinity edge pool with sweeping, panoramic views of the bay, and watching the lights across the water as the city began to light up at dusk.
I rolled my eyes. “Is there ever a time when you’re not hungry?” I asked, amused. Jax could put away more food than any person I’d ever known.
“We just finished a tough workout, and then a swim. That works up my appetite,” he argued.
“You did a tough workout,” I reminded him. “I did a sissy workout that wouldn’t even qualify as exercise.”
Jax petted Tango, his golden retriever, as he answered, “It’s exactly what you need to heal that knee up completely. You can argue all you want about the easy workouts, but you’re not doing anything more than what’s necessary until you’re ready to push a little harder.”
I’d never be able to push myself like Jax did, even if my knee was just like new. The man was brutal when it came to physical fitness, which probably had a lot to do with his Special Forces background, and the fact that he was involved in Last Hope.