Harlow had curves in all the right places, but she didn’t carry any extra weight, so the food deprivation she’d suffered during her imprisonment had definitely shown. She’d been too thin when she’d first gotten released as a hostage.
“I’ll eventually make up for those lost meals. Wilma is an amazing cook,” she said, referring to my housekeeper’s culinary skills in an amused tone. “Taylor and I used to dream about all the things we’d eat once we got released. It’s weird what you’ll do when you’re in captivity to avoid going crazy.”
“What did you think about?” I asked.
She laughed. “Good Mexican and Thai food, and ice cream.”
“And have you gotten your fill of all of those things now?”
“I wish,” she replied wistfully. “I got my groceries delivered once I got back to my apartment, and Ben & Jerry’s was always on the shopping list. Unfortunately, most of the good Thai and Mexican restaurants aren’t in my area. Hopefully, now that I’m doing better, I’ll get to all of my favorites, eventually.”
My gut ached when I thought about how isolated Harlow must have felt over the last several months. She’d lost Mark, and it was evident that he was the person she’d talked to the most. She’d been intentionally distant with Taylor because of her perceived guilt about putting her friend in a bad situation. Then, because she’d had no real outlet or help dealing with the trauma of her experience, the depression and anxiety had set in. She’d eventually become a victim of her own fear and guilt, which had gotten so bad that she’d confined herself in her small apartment alone.
Nobody knew better than I did just how dangerous it was to be way too alone with just your own thoughts. If a person already felt like they were on the edge, that shit could push them right over the cliff.
Luckily, I’d had family available, and Hudson and Cooper could relate because we’d all had similar experiences.
Harlow had no siblings, and she hadn’t felt comfortable spilling her guts to her mother. She’d been utterly and completely alone with her own thoughts, without a single coping mechanism.
Christ! It was a miracle she was still sane.
“Why don’t you stay here tonight?” I suggested impulsively. “Tomorrow is Sunday, and we’d have the whole day to knock around town if you feel up to it. There’s a great Mexican restaurant there, and some of the best ice cream in the entire San Diego area.”
Harlow had stashed some extra clothing, a second bathing suit, and workout clothing in the coat closet. She always took a shower after she left the pool, and put on clean clothing, so she couldn’t refuse because she didn’t have a change of clothes.
Truth was, I really wanted to spend the day with Harlow, but I wasn’t going to push her if she didn’t feel ready to sit down in a restaurant. Sometimes we took a walk after dinner, but my neighborhood was as quiet as a graveyard after dark.
Harlow chewed on her lip for a moment before she said, “It’s always busy in the downtown area.”
“It can be,” I agreed. I didn’t bullshit Harlow, and I didn’t plan on starting to do it now. “But we are starting the off-season for tourists, so it’s not as bad as it is in the summer.”
Her expression was still pensive as she said, “God, I really want to do it, but I haven’t really been out in crowds yet.”
“I have an extra bicycle. We could bike our way around to most places. I think your knee will hold up fine if we take it slow.” It was pathetic how badly I wanted her to give it a try.
Harlow was ready to take these steps, and it would be a much smoother road if she didn’t do it alone. To be honest, I didn’t want her to attempt a milestone like this by herself. If she faltered, I wanted to be there to give her the support she needed.
“You mean I’d be spared from riding in one of your rocket ship vehicles,” she joked weakly, still sounding somewhat apprehensive.
“You know you’re actually starting to enjoy riding in my cars,” I answered. “You’re getting addicted to feeling the power of zero to sixty in under three seconds.”
“Maybe it’s not so bad,” she admitted. “But I still think they’re completely inefficient.”
I chuckled, knowing that was the strongest capitulation I was going to get right now. “So what do you say? Are you ready to be a bum with me tomorrow? You know if you’re not comfortable, we can nix the whole thing and come back here, right?”
“I don’t want to ruin your whole day off if that happens,” she said uncertainly.
“You won’t. There’s nobody I’d rather hang out with, no matter what we’re doing, so you might as well say yes.” Okay, I was pushing, but I knew she wanted this, and she definitely needed it.
She nodded slowly and got to her feet. “Okay, I’ll give it my best shot. I think I’ll be fine as long as you’re with me. It would be amazing to be able to get outside for the whole day, and the island is beautiful. Thank you for offering to spend the day with me.”
I knew that her agreement to venture downtown and around the island was a silent statement about how much she trusted me.
As I got my ass out of my chair to go see what I could do to help with dinner, I swore I’d do whatever it took to make sure Harlow always knew she’d be safe with me.
Harlow
“Hey, Harlow, are you still okay?” Jax asked as his concerned eyes roamed over my face.
He reached across the table in the Mexican restaurant, took my hand in his, and gently squeezed.
I automatically stroked my thumb over the back of his hand as I said, “I’m good. I guess I zoned out for a minute. I was doing one of Dr. Romero’s mini meditation techniques.”
God, I was getting addicted to the way this man never hesitated to reach out to me whenever he thought I might be panicked.
Sometimes, it felt like Jax and I were constantly connected in some weird way that I didn’t even completely understand.
Not that I’d totally figured out the complicated and occasionally infuriating man, but I was starting to pick up on some of his subtle body language. More than likely, he was doing the same with me.
“Are you nervous?” he asked pensively. “The minute you start feeling uncomfortable, we’re out of here.”
I sent him a don’t-you-dare-get-out-of-that-chair look. “Are you kidding? I just ordered fresh swordfish tacos, a lobster quesadilla, and a gigantic strawberry margarita. You’d have to drag me out of here to get me to leave before I devour that food.”
I couldn’t say that I hadn’t had a few brief hesitations during the day, but I’d never been truly afraid. The town was busy, especially near the famous Hotel del Coronado, but it wasn’t as crazy crowded as it was in the summer months or during the holidays.