I shot her a weak smile. “I’m not sure what to say about the bargain you made with the rebel leader. You saved me from having to go through the trauma of sexual assault, and possibly a nightmare pregnancy, too.”
“That bargain cost me nothing,” she reminded me. “No indignity that I wasn’t already going to suffer. I love you, Harlow. You’re like the sister I never had. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing if you were in my situation, because I know you would. I already know that if you could have managed it, you would have sent me out of harm’s way and stayed behind in that hellhole.”
“I would have done anything to have you go instead of me,” I rasped.
She smiled. “That’s just what real friends do. It’s hard to watch someone you care about suffer. You’re an amazing woman, Harlow. Don’t ever forget that.”
I swiped at the tears on my face. “So are you.”
“Now, tell me about Jax,” she insisted curiously. “There’s more than just a friendship there, right?”
“There isn’t. I swear.”
“Shit!” Taylor cursed. “I thought you were just hiding the juicy details because Riley is his sister. Are you seriously telling me you haven’t gotten down and dirty with Jax Montgomery? I’m not attracted to him because I’ve got the gorgeous love of my life, but Jax is seriously hot.”
“I know,” I answered. “It seems like I’m noticing that more and more every day. It’s like my female hormones are returning with a vengeance. I watch him work out every single day, and the man punishes himself to keep that amazing body of his that fit. It’s kind of unfair that he’s also gorgeous, and filthy rich.”
Taylor chortled. “That’s exactly what I used to think about Hudson. If Jax isn’t making a move, I say you seduce him. I’m sure your libido was low because you were still trying to get over your trauma and Mark’s death. But if Jax melts your panties, go after it.”
I chuckled. “Taylor,” I admonished. “When did you start turning into a sex maniac?”
Taylor had never been the kind of woman who really talked about men or sex very much. She was pretty low-key.
She wiggled her eyebrows. “Not long after I met Hudson Montgomery. That man completely ruined me. I used to sit at the breakfast bar while he was cooking just to stare at his ass. I swore I could bounce a quarter off that tight butt and it would go flying for miles. I was way too weak to actually do anything about it at the time, but I watched him like a creepy stalker.”
I started to laugh so hard that I couldn’t stop.
Taylor was hilarious about her fascination with Hudson, and she seemed so damn happy.
“Honestly, Harlow,” Taylor said when I finally stopped laughing. “Could you have ever seen a woman like me being the love of Hudson Montgomery’s life?”
I raised a brow. “Why not? I think he got lucky.”
She rolled her eyes. “He gets lucky all the time. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s just so unlikely. I was a poor orphan kid with a face full of freckles and funky glasses. I was an ugly child, and I definitely didn’t turn into a beautiful swan as an adult, either.” She picked up a lock of hair and held it up. “Same crazy red hair, same unremarkable appearance, same freckles, except they’ve faded out quite a bit. Hudson looks at me like I’m the most desirable woman on the planet. On the surface, we just don’t fit, but for some reason, we do click perfectly. So please don’t tell me that Jax can’t possibly be attracted to a gorgeous blonde like you.”
“He’s never even shot me a vague sexual innuendo,” I told her.
“Maybe not. But Jax looks at you just like Hudson looks at me. The attraction is there. He’s either hesitant because you already turned him down, or because he doesn’t think you’re ready for anything except friendship. Are you ready for something else?”
“I don’t know,” I said with a moan. “I told him that I was attracted to him when he asked me out two years ago, and he said he felt the same way, but things change.”
“Does he know you still want to get him naked?” she asked.
“I never mentioned it,” I said.
“Maybe you should,” Taylor suggested. “If you’re not ready for anything more, just take it day by day.”
“You know I’m a cautious planner,” I reminded Taylor.
“There’s no harm in doing something different,” she mused.
“You’re right,” I admitted. “I find myself leaning more toward living in the moment because we sure as hell know that tomorrow isn’t a guarantee.”
“I totally get that,” Taylor agreed. “I don’t think you can go through a near-death experience, and not have it change the way you look at your life. It’s not like you have to let it change your entire personality, but maybe it opens up more possibilities.”
I knew what she meant.
Maybe like…blowing a bunch of money on an expensive restaurant just to see if it was as good as its reviews?
Or like…occasionally doing something frivolous for an entire day just because it’s fun or relaxing.
Or like…riding in a three-million-dollar vehicle, and openly laughing and enjoying the power of a car that could plaster my body against the seat when it accelerated.
Better yet, asking Jax if I could drive it just for that once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Really, it was just a matter of embracing life, and starting to get all the joy I could from it.
“You’re right,” I told Taylor. “There’s no reason I have to be quite so anal.”
“You’re responsible, not anal, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but you could slack off every once in a while,” she teased.
I raised a brow. “I’ve been slacking for months now. It’s driving me insane.”
“I really hope that you come back to Montgomery when you’re ready. Everybody misses you. You’re an incredible team leader. It’s not the same there without you,” Taylor informed me.
“I might,” I said with a shrug. “It is my dream job. I just need to make sure I have my head on straight.”
“Take all the time you need,” Taylor insisted. “You’ve worked your ass off your entire life, Harlow. Now that you’re starting to feel better, use the time off to recharge and take care of yourself.”
“God, I’ve already been on the payroll without working for a long time,” I said with a groan.
“Hudson said it’s just a leave of absence.”