To me, he’d always been the most beautiful boy. Now, he was a devastatingly handsome man. His face aged well, and I hoped what was on the inside had as well.
Daire laughed lightly and shook free of my clingy hold. “He’s always been good-looking and super moody. I never told you, but when I was a lot younger, I totally had a crush on him. I didn’t want you to be mad at me.”
I snorted and used a hand to shove her inside the house. “I would’ve gone ballistic back then. I probably would’ve been mad at you for no reason. I was living outside of reality in those days.” Which was exactly why I was the perfect person to help Daire on the precarious path to better mental health. “These days I’m smart enough to tell you to find someone else to crush on because Hyde’s too old for you, and you don’t need anyone to bring their mess into your mess. I can be rational and reasonable sometimes.”
“Boys are more trouble than they’re worth. I don’t plan on having a crush on anybody for a very long time. And like you said, who’s going to want to hang out with me when I can barely even manage to wash my hair?”
I slipped in front of her so I could raise my hands to her shoulders. I gave her a little shake and forced her to look right into my eyes. I wasn’t often very serious, but when I was, there was no missing the change. “Me. I will always want to hang out with you. I don’t care what shape your hair is in or if you’re being unnecessarily bitchy and mean. I will take whatever you dish out and come back for more. I know I’m not the only one. I have absolutely no doubt your brother would drop everything, including Bowe, if you honestly told him you needed him. You are not alone. Even if you want to be. Even if it feels that way, regardless of the fact I’m standing in front of you. I’ll remind you every hour of every single day if that’s what it takes to get you to believe me.”
I watched as her full lower lip started to tremble. Her eyes got glassy, so she blinked hard to keep her tears at bay. Rather than break down in front of me, she sniffed loudly and whispered, “I’m going to go take a shower. Go ahead and grab something dry to change into.” She sniffed again and forced a grin before firing one last taunt in my direction. “Nothing in this house will fit you since you’re the size of a garden gnome, but it’s better than wearing clammy clothes home.”
I stuck out a foot to kick her the way I often did with my little brother and shooed her off in the direction of the bathroom. Once I heard the water start, I made my way to the kitchen to find something to drink and pulled out my phone.
My Aunt Shaw hadn’t asked me to stop and check on Daire today, so I hadn’t lied to my cousin. But she never asked if her dad had sent me a message at any point today. My Uncle Rule was a cool guy. When I was younger, there were times when I wondered if I’d ended up with the wrong Archer for a father. My dad was cool, calm, and collected in all situations; it could be really difficult to get a read on his emotions. My Uncle Rule was the opposite. He was a hothead, and the kind of guy who never let you guess where you stood with him. He was honest to a fault, which often came across as rude, and more than once I’d heard my dad mention that his younger brother had been a lot to deal with when he was a teenager.
That was something I was also used to hearing.
I was a lot… too much… too intense.
Too loud.
Too happy.
Too angry.
Too passionate.
I wouldn’t change my dad for anything in the whole world, but there was no doubt there were plenty of times he didn’t understand me or what I was going through no matter how hard he tried.
~ The eagle is in the nest. She’s taking a shower, and I’m going to try and get her to eat something. I’ll stay with her until you guys get home.
I fired off the text to my Uncle Rule and picked through the fridge to see if they had anything I actually knew how to make. I was more of a food-delivery-app type of girl. My phone buzzed back with a reply almost immediately.
~ You’re the best, Remy. Thank you for looking out for her.
My response was really the only answer I could give.
~ I love her. She’s family. I don’t want her to end up like me.
I pulled out a soda and some stuff to throw together a couple of sandwiches. I was slightly surprised when my phone pinged back with another message.
~ Nothing wrong with her being like you, Rem. You’re one of my favorite people on the planet, and so is she. There are a lot of people who would be better off if they took after you.
I grinned down at the phone and kicked the fridge shut with my foot.
That was exactly what I was trying to tell Daire. It didn’t matter how bad her mind might tell her she was; no matter how much her brain convinced her she deserved to suffer, there was always someone who loved her outside of that toxic bubble. There would always be someone there to remind her that she was perfectly fine just the way she was, warts and all. The trick was letting those voices be louder than the ones inside her head.
Hyde
“I DIDN’T THINK you were ever going to stop crying, baby girl,” I whispered the words, but they sounded alarmingly loud in the gray and yellow nursery. I had to give it to my mom; she had a deft hand with decoration. After seeing all the pink for the welcome home party, I was a bit worried Hollyn’s new nursery would look like the inside of a dollhouse. I was pretty sure all the pink was going to give me a headache. Instead, the room was tastefully done in colors that suited me, but still looked soft and feminine. It wasn’t an eyesore that I would have to rush to change anytime soon. Which was a good thing, since it seemed like I was going to be spending most of my time here until the baby started sleeping through the night.
I barely managed to unpack the essentials elsewhere in the house, and I was having difficulty sleeping down the hall in the master bedroom. It wasn’t only the baby waking me up every hour with her fussing; it was the replay of everything that led me back to Denver, and after seeing Remy, everything that drove me away from home in the first place. It seemed like whenever I had a woman in my life who was important to me in one way or another, I was bound to screw it up.
I couldn’t love Remy the way she wanted… no, needed me to when I was younger. I didn’t know how. And I couldn’t be there physically for Hollyn’s mother because of work and my commitments to the Army. I couldn’t let that happen with the little girl who had finally cried herself to sleep and was currently resting in her pretty white crib. I would have to explain to her one day about me and her mother and tell her why she had two last names—the same way I did—but not the person attached to one of them. I knew exactly what it was like to grow up wondering about the person who had birthed you. Wondering if you looked like her? If you acted like her? If she would still want you, given the chance? If she would love you? If she would be proud of you? Would your life be any different if she was still alive? It didn’t matter that I had parents who gave me everything and loved me unconditionally; I still wondered and still felt the loss of the woman I was too young to fully remember and never got the chance to know.
I sighed deeply and slumped down to the floor with my back against the crib. It was dark in the nursery; the only light came from an elephant-shaped night-light on the other side of the room. I closed my eyes, buried the heels of my hands into the sockets, and rubbed furiously. The lack of sleep was starting to get to me, and I regretted not taking my mom up on her offer to stay with me for a few days while Hollyn and I adjusted to being in a new place. The baby was very fussy, and I was constantly trying not to read more into her outbursts than there was. Every time she screamed her little head off and turned red, I ran through a list of things that could possibly be wrong with her. I was ready to run her to the emergency room more than once a day. Luckily my family was close and did a pretty good job of talking me off the ledge whenever I got too close to it.