I locked my hands behind my head and leaned back so I could look up at the quickly darkening sky. It was easy to tell winter was right around the corner because the daylight hours were getting much shorter.
“I didn’t want to be a burden. You’re both still working and busy with your own stuff. I’m the one who got myself into a situation that involves a baby. I didn’t want to ask you to fix it for me.”
“She’s our granddaughter. In no way will she ever be viewed as a burden. I’m sure your mom would be delighted to adjust her hours to be home when you need her, and I’m doing more and more office work and less heavy lifting these days. I can do that from home. It’s nice to know we’re still needed, kiddo.”
I held up my hands in a gesture of surrender. “Okay, okay. I get it. I will gladly let you watch her when I have to be away for work. Campbell is great with her, but nothing beats family. I’ll talk it over with him when I get home.”
My dad also leaned back in his seat and looked up at the sky. He sounded hesitant when he asked his next question. “What about Remy? How does she handle being around the baby?”
I couldn’t stop a smile from pulling at my lips. “They’re pretty much best friends. Hollyn loves her, and Remy is getting more and more comfortable being around an infant. She’s still hesitant, and I don’t think she’s ready to be alone with her, but she’s very open and honest about her limitations. No one will ever be more concerned about how she affects Hollyn than Remy herself. She’s not like she was when she was younger, Dad. I’m not saying she’s perfect or that she’s totally different, but she’s much more aware of how her actions affect others these days. She’s very careful with herself and those she lets get close. She’s extra careful when it comes to me and the baby.”
I couldn’t keep the hint of pride out of my voice. I was very proud of myself for being one of the few people she trusted enough to be herself with. I still had a lot to prove, but I knew I was on the right track.
“Do you have a plan if something goes wrong the way it did in the past? I know what Remy deals with can be unpredictable, but we’ve all seen where it can go if she hits a rough patch. You need to be prepared for that, Hyde. I don’t care how much you care about her or even love her; there are practical parts of being with someone who needs a little bit of extra care.”
“I’m just going to be there. That’s the best thing I can do for her.” It was also the one thing I couldn’t do when things were at their worst. “And I’m going to stay educated on her illness, so I know what to expect and how to best help her. I was really ignorant before, and we both suffered because of it.”
My dad sighed again and pushed to his feet. “We were all pretty ignorant back then. You don’t get to be the only one to own that. We all could’ve done better. Now, let’s walk over to your house. Let’s get your mom and my granddaughter and eat dinner as a family. I know you probably want to spend time with Hollyn since you’ve been out of town, so we’ll make it quick. I bet your mom already has something ready to go when we get there.” He clapped me on the back and stepped toward the French doors that led back into the big house.
I got to my feet and waved my cell phone at him. “Give me a minute. Let me call Remy and tell her I’m back in town.”
My dad nodded and left me alone on the now dark deck. There was a motion sensor light, more for four-legged predators than criminals, that flared to life when I passed under it as I started to pace, waiting for Remy to pick up. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to her much over the last few days. She was busy finishing up a project, so she was working late into the night. Our free hours didn’t overlap very often, so I missed her and couldn’t wait to see her.
She kept her promise to keep her phone charged and answer any call or text in a timely manner, but sometimes she was abrupt and obviously distracted when she did so. I appreciated the effort she was making, so I did my best not to bug her when I knew she was working.
It took a minute for her to pick up the call. When she did, she sounded breathless, as if she’d had to run to grab the phone before she missed the call.
“Hello. Are you back in Denver?” She panted through the question, and while I wanted to think she sounded happy to hear from me, she still sounded like her mind was a million miles away.
“I am. I got back a little while ago. I’m going to have dinner with my parents. Do you want to come over later?” I was ready to spend some one-on-one time with her. She didn’t always spend the night with me when we hung out together, but she was in my bed more often than not these days. I was used to waking up to her and being able to roll over and hold her if I wanted to. Sharing a small hotel room with my coworker the last few nights was nowhere near as nice as sleeping next to Remy.
“Uh… I can’t tonight. I have to finish this project I’m working on. I’ll probably pull an all-nighter. But I’m glad you’re back. We can make plans for later this week or over the weekend.”
I was disappointed, but understood she also had a career to worry about and clients to keep happy. “Okay. I’ll call you later.”
She let out a little sound that could be frustration or exasperation. I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to ask because I honestly felt like I was way more excited to see her than she seemed to be about seeing me. “Let me call you once I’m done with everything. It’s better if I’m not distracted.”
I huffed out an annoyed breath but kept my tone even when I responded. “Okay. I’ll let you get back to work. But I missed you, Remy.”
This time I knew the sound she made was definitely frustrated. “I missed you, too, Hyde. I’m just really focused on this project. Once I wrap it up and send it off, I’m all yours.”
“I understand. I’ll talk to you later.” I hung up the phone before I picked a fight with her or said something I might regret later down the road.
I knew perfectly well how hyper-focused Remy could get on something that she was passionate about. I had been the main object of all that energy and intensity for a long time. I wasn’t used to having all of her attention devoted to something else now that we were playing a key role in each other’s day-to-day lives.
I reached for the door to walk into my parents’ house but paused as an ugly thought hit me. So many things about Remy were different now. I wondered if I should be concerned that she was so intent on her work at the moment. Was this a regular level of commitment and drive to do a good job, or was it something else? Something that she might not even notice was the beginning of a problem. And how in the world should I broach the subject without offending her or destroying all the fragile trust I’d worked to build back? Did I ask her if she was taking her meds like she was supposed to while she was so caught up in work? Did I ask her if she’s talked to her therapist lately, and if there was anything her doctor was concerned about? Was I allowed to question her about her illness at all? I didn’t even know if it was something she was sensitive about since she handled everything in the same no-nonsense way. She talked about it calmly and matter of factly, but how did she respond when someone else mentioned it? Should I pretend everything was fine because maybe I was just being sensitive that she wasn’t as eager to see me as I was to see her? Was I reading too much into her recent behavior? Was I just jealous I was no longer the only thing in her life that she locked onto and threw her whole being into? Was I acting too much like she had acted when we were young, because that was the only way to show my love that I knew she would recognize? Would my worry be welcome, or would she feel like I was overstepping? After all, she’d taken care of herself just fine in my absence.