She was calling my name, but I was so far gone I didn’t realize it wasn’t in passion and delight. She was calling my name to get my attention.
She wiggled forward as I practically howled in frustration. I was so close; it was cruel for her to pull away right now. But as soon as we were separated, I heard an outraged cry coming from the baby monitor. It was like having a bucket of ice-cold water dumped on my head. It wasn’t a sound that could be ignored.
Hollyn needed something, and she was super pissed it took longer than normal to tend to her.
I swore loudly and looked down at my dejected dick. If it could make noise, I knew it would be howling just as loudly in outrage at the moment.
Remy laughed and moved to grab one of my t-shirts out of a dresser drawer.
“I told you slow and steady didn’t work when there was a baby in the mix. Go take care of that monster in the bathroom. I’ll check on Hollyn.” She walked past me and lifted up on her toes so she could kiss my bristly chin. “I’ll make it up to you after she goes back down. I promise.”
Normally, I would tell her I would take care of Hollyn, but at the moment, I wasn’t sure I had any functioning brain cells left. I dragged myself to the bathroom and turned on the shower.
Maybe Remy was right. I needed to show her I appreciated her and cherished her outside of the bedroom. That was the one place where rushing wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. At least I was getting my just desserts for leaving her at the door longer than I should’ve. Having to finish myself off in the shower after some of the hottest sex I’d ever had was a just punishment for being a bit of a dick earlier.
I looked forward to her making it up to me when the time came, though.
Remy
I STILL DIDN’T know much about babies and all their wants and needs, but I’d spent a fair amount of time with Hollyn at this point. I could tell from the minute I walked into the nursery that the way she was crying wasn’t her typical call for help because she was hungry or needed her diaper changed. She was screaming her head off in the middle of the night and sounded like she was in a good bit of distress.
I turned on a small lamp in the room and walked to the side of the crib. Across the hall, I heard the shower turn on and couldn’t help but giggle to myself. I leaned over the side of the crib and reached out to touch Hollyn’s furiously red cheek. I intended to soothe her, but as soon as my knuckle grazed her delicate skin, I felt an incredible amount of heat emanating from her. I blinked in surprise and took another look at her.
Her eyes were screwed shut as she wailed with all her might. Usually, when she had a fit, she waved her little fists around like a prize fighter, but right now, she was alarmingly still as she screamed into the night for all she was worth. I watched her struggle to lift her hand when she finally realized she wasn’t alone and felt my heart drop all the way to my toes. I put the back of my hand near her forehead and shivered even though she felt like the inside of the furnace.
“Oh honey, you are on fire.” I brushed my thumb over her wet cheek and shifted so I could pick her up out of the crib. I thought hearing her cry and scream was bad, but as soon as I cuddled her close to my chest, I heard her wheeze and choke as she tried to breathe through the other sounds she was making. Listening to her struggle to get air into her miniature lungs was scarier than when I’d woken up in the hospital after trying to take my own life and realizing what I’d done. It was worse than realizing Hyde was gone, and it freaked me out more than finding out just how meddlesome my mother could be. I thought I’d faced the worst life was ever going to throw at me and come out the victor, but at that moment, I understood what it was like to really feel helpless and terrified of what might happen to someone unable to care for themselves. It gave me a shocking sense of what I’d put my parents, my brother, and Hyde through when I was younger. All the dramatic, and what I thought were hurtful actions, that followed my earlier struggles and recovery started to make more sense and feel less painful. I briefly glimpsed why someone would be willing to do anything to help the one who couldn’t help themselves.
I practically ran back into Hyde’s bedroom. The baby quieted down some, but it felt like each second that sped by, her breathing became more labored. I didn’t bother to waste time knocking on the bathroom door. I barged in, startling Hyde to the point that he almost fell over in the big walk-in shower. Our eyes met instantly through the glass walls; he took one look at the baby in my arms and my alarmed expression and knew something wasn’t right.
“What’s going on?” He cranked the water off and reached for a towel, walking toward us and leaving a river of dripping water behind him.
“She was crying really hard, and when she stopped, it sounded like she couldn’t breathe. She’s also really hot to the touch. Should babies get fevers as often as she does?” I practically shoved Hollyn into her dad’s arms as my mind started to piece together what we should do next. My first instinct was to call my Aunt Shaw, but I didn’t know if there was time for that. All the blood seemed to drain from Hyde’s face as soon as he heard one of Hollyn’s raspy, weak breaths. I saw his Adam’s apple bob up and down and heard him gulp nervously.
“Sometimes, a fever doesn’t mean much. Since Hollyn was preemie, she’s predisposed to certain illnesses. The most serious ones have to do with the respiratory system. I need to take her to the emergency room right now.” There was an urgency in his voice I hadn’t heard before, and a thread of panic was unmissable.
I shoved my messy hair out of my face and tried to marshal my splintered thoughts. There were days I could hardly manage to take care of myself; it was a big ask to suddenly be tasked with taking care of two other people in an emergency situation.
“Okay. Give her to me. I’ll put a cool washcloth on her to try and bring her temperature down. You get dressed and grab whatever she might need for a night in the hospital. I’ll call my aunt on the way to the ER to see if there’s anything she thinks we should do.”
I watched Hyde struggle to hand his obviously ill child over to someone else. The moment he gently placed the baby in my arms before rushing back into his bedroom, I knew he trusted me implicitly. There might be issues between us and adjustments that needed to be made as we tried to slot our lives together, but knowing he trusted me enough to take care of Hollyn in such a serious situation eased any of the last concerns or worries I had about the two of us attempting to build a life together.
I cuddled Hollyn close and walked over to the large sink. I grabbed a washcloth and got it wet with cool water. I murmured words that I thought would be soothing in a low voice, but they were all nonsense. I wasn’t sure if the sound was to make me or her feel better. The baby was burning up in my arms, and I was pretty sure the only reason she was no longer screaming and crying was because she didn’t have enough air to make any sound. I could see her small chest shuddering with each breath. The poor thing was clearly miserable. Her eyes were watery, and I felt like they were silently begging me for help as I tried to cool her down a little bit. I often joked about being a bad adult and not making a lot of grown-up decisions. I really thought I was unprepared for whatever being a responsible, reliable human required, but the truth was, it wasn’t about me. I gave no thought to what I was comfortable with or what I could and couldn’t do. All that mattered was making sure Hollyn was okay and taking care of Hyde, who was very obviously on the edge of an emotional cliff. I couldn’t waste time worrying about what I didn’t know and what I couldn’t do; there was only room for how I could help both of them. It was hands down the most centered and calm I’d ever been in my life.