He bows his head, like he can’t bear to look at me.
He’s quiet for so long, I’m positive he’s not going to give me an answer.
But then his deep, tortured timbre fills the space between us. “Words have always been my biggest obstacle. No matter how many instruments I teach myself to play, or how good I can sing and perform…I’ve never been able to do the one thing an artist is supposed to.”
Lifting his head, his gaze collides with mine. “Create. The only thing I can do is take their art and replicate it—maybe modify a few notes and change it up a bit. But even if I make it sound ten times better than the original and put everything I’ve got into it when I sing, it still doesn’t make it mine. I was born with a great voice and an inherent love of music…not a gift.”
Rising off the bed, he closes the distance between us. “The industry is cutthroat and the odds of ever getting discovered are one in a million. At least.” His features twist with indignity. “I had the voice, the looks, and the drive to chase my dreams…but it wasn’t a guarantee that I’d ever succeed. I needed something original. Something rare and unique.” His fingers graze my cheek. “Something special.”
A swell of agony rips from my soul, engulfing me in a violent wave that makes everything around me spin.
All I’ve ever wanted was to be special…
And he stole it.
I shove him with every bit of strength I possess. “Get out.”
He tries to wrap his arms around me, but I won’t let him.
I need him gone.
Phoenix was already all those things he said he needed and then some, he didn’t have to take the only thing I had.
When he refuses to budge, I charge over to the door and open it. “If you ever truly cared about me, you’ll leave. Right now.”
It’s the only thing that gets him to move.
He grips my forearm as he crosses the threshold. “I’m sorry.”
Sorry doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t fix us.
“You didn’t have to steal it.”
Just when I thought there was nothing inside me left for him to break, something deep inside my chest smashes.
I loved Phoenix Walker. So much so I would have willingly sacrificed and done whatever he needed just to make sure all his dreams came true.
He didn’t have to stab me in the heart to get what he wanted.
“I would have given you the song.” My vision blurs and my voice cracks. “I would have given you everything, Phoenix.”
My heart, mind, body, soul, and art.
Whatever I’m made up of, it was all his.
Sheer torment slices the sharp angles of his face, almost like he’s hurting as much as I am, but there’s no way that’s possible since he’s the one who did this.
“Give it to me now.” His hand slides to the nape of my neck. “I won’t fuck it up this time.”
There’s no way I can trust that. Trust him.
All-consuming agony breaches the wall of armor I put up, crippling me. My forehead hits his chest and I inhale him into my system. I don’t have to experiment with drugs to know he’s the most lethal one out there for me.
The organ beating in my chest pleads with me to pull him closer, but self-preservation takes over and I push him away.
“I can’t.”
I give him one last shove before slamming the door.
A sob shreds from my throat as I slide down to the floor.
All the tears I’ve been holding on to for the past four years spill over and the words from my song reverberate throughout my head…taunting me.
I’m tough as a nail
Sharp as a blade
But I’m still lying here...
In the mess you made.
Jagged and broken
Dull and washed out.
Everywhere I turn...
I breathe you in and bleed you out.
CHAPTER 58
LENNON
I freeze when the sliding door of the bunk opens, but relax once I see Skylar.
I haven’t spoken to Phoenix since last night and I have no intention of talking to him unless absolutely necessary.
There are only eleven days left on tour, so while it will be difficult, it’s doable.
I turn off the music I was listening to and remove my earbuds when she plops down on my bunk.
“Want to talk about it?”
I would, but unfortunately the two friends I have on this bus—Skylar and Storm—are the two people I can’t tell—given it would be a conflict of interest and all.
I just need to get through this tour so I can get my money and go back home to my dad.
I shake my head, internally cursing myself when my eyes water.
A frown mars Skylar’s face. Then, to my absolute surprise, she wraps her arms around me. “I won’t make you tell me anything you don’t want to. But I’m here—strictly as your friend—if you ever need to talk.”
She wipes my tears away. “Want me to kill him?”
That gets a small laugh out of me. “If you did, I’m pretty sure seventy-five percent of the females on the planet would call for your beheading.”
She lifts a shoulder in a shrug. “Eh, I’ve been threatened with worse.” She studies me intently. “I don’t know what the asshole did, but whatever it is, I know it’s hitting him hard because he won’t speak to anyone and he won’t come out of the lounge.”
I have nothing to say to that.
Her brows crash together. “On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?”
“A million.”
She sucks in a sharp breath. “In that case, he’s screwed.” She looks away. “Promise you won’t get mad at me for saying this?”
Talk about a trick question. “That depends on what you say.”
Her teeth saw along her bottom lip. “Okay, but just know that this doesn’t mean I’m sticking up for him. Trust me, I am firmly team Lennon.”
Despite not liking the sound of this, I silently urge her to continue.
“Phoenix is an asshole.”
“On that, we agree.”
“But he’s got a good heart. And while it’s not fair that in order to get to the good stuff you’ll have to trudge through a mountain of abandonment issues and damage…once you finally reach the gooey center, you’ll realize that underneath all that crap is a guy who not only wants to be loved but will give that back to you tenfold.” She makes a face. “Once he pulls his head out of his ass.”
She raises a hand. “But again, team Lennon. If he’s screwed things up with you indefinitely and you’re done, I know it’s only because whatever he did was unforgivable.”
“What makes you say that?”
I mean, her assessment is spot on. I’m just curious how she arrived at that conclusion without knowing the details.
“Because we’re a lot alike. Which means you’re not the kind of girl who gives up on people. Not until you truly believe with your entire being that there’s no longer any good in them and there’s nothing inside them that’s salvageable or worth fighting for anymore.”
I blow out a breath. Damn her and her perceptiveness.