“Where’s bean?”
“Bed.”
“I’m sorry?”
He clears his throat. “You both fell asleep. Took her to bed, tucked her in, then came back to wake you up.”
“You … tucked her in?”
He nods.
“You know how to tuck someone in?”
That damn brow. I shrug, not feeling bad at all for questioning him.
“It’s not rocket science, Olivia.”
“Do you know rocket science, too?”
“Are you always this stubborn when you wake up?”
“Drew,” I start, but stop when he looks at me with a harshness that steals my words. “What?”
He shakes his head. It isn’t until now that I realize he’s not holding his words from me. There was actual communication that didn’t involve nods and grunts.
“You’re talking,” I gasp, shifting so I’m kneeling. My knees dig into his thighs as I get a little closer and search his troubled eyes.
He lets out a burst of air so harsh, I can practically feel the weight of the world on his shoulders.
“Please, don’t stop.”
“It’s not that easy, Livi.”
“What isn’t?” I ask, desperate to keep him from shutting me out. Proud that my voice doesn’t get all weird when the butterflies kick up at the shortening of my name.
“You make me want things that I gave up wanting a long time ago.”
I frown. This man, he’s such a mystery to me.
“You make me want things I told myself I would never consider. So I guess we’re both even there.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You want to talk about stubborn. Hey pot, my name is kettle.”
He sighs, then leans against the arm of the couch and looks at me. Really looks at me. In a way that makes me think he can read my very thoughts, see my whole past, and know what lurks in every corner that I keep shadowed for a reason.
“What keeps you single? Riley said you’ve never had a boyfriend.”
“My parents weren’t good parents,” I answer.
“It’s a lot more than that.”
“You’re right. Not only were they not good parents but they were never here. My sister and I were raised by a revolving door of staff that didn’t stick around for long because my parents were even worse humans to them than they were parents to us. I learned a long time ago that it was best to live alone—now with Riley—because I haven’t had a single healthy example of a relationship.”
“So you just decided to never even try?”
I nod. “Yeah. I don’t need a man to make me happy. I’m happy with Riley, Olde Mug, and my friends.”
His eyes sharpen, his attention fully on me, but it’s his breathing I notice. He isn’t unaffected. So I do what feels right, I keep going. Giving him more than anyone has ever gotten from me.
“My sister, Emma”—I sigh—“was the dreamer. Where I just wanted to have my coffee shop and live a simple life outside of the social circles we had been forced into … she didn’t have the same thoughts. She thought she needed a man to save her. She was convinced the first one who gave her a second glance was perfect.”
“What happened?” he questions, something scratchy in his tone.
“You really want to know?”
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”
“He ended up killing her instead of loving her.” I know I sound detached, I can hear it in my own ears as well as see it in his features. I learned years ago that I have to be withdrawn or the pain of how I lost Emma would rip me in two, and I needed to be whole and healed from the sadness in order to be the guardian Riley deserves. Not only that, but I want Riley to see nothing but the love I have for her mom when I’m talking about Emma.
“Liv,” he breathes.
“It’s okay, Drew. I miss her every day, but I have Riley. She gives me a purpose.”
“Riley mentioned her dad, too. What’s she know about him?”
“Ray?”
“If that’s the guy, then yeah.”
“Nothing. I told her he died before she was born and that’s all.”
“You know she thinks he was a good man?”
I nod.
“You do?”
“Yeah.” I sigh, looking away and down at my hands. “She lost her mom, someone who loved her with all her being, because of him. She was too young to know, and I didn’t think she needed to have that kind of pain. So I told her that her mom was in an accident, and her dad was gone before she was born.”
“She’s romanticized the idea of him.”
“What did she say?”
He swallows, holding my gaze, and I know I won’t like it.
“That she wishes her dad was here. She said it was nice to have me here because she knew her auntie felt safe. She said you never sleep like that. You only sleep when she’s asleep.”
“Shit,” I mutter. My beautiful yet way too smart niece.
“What happened to him? Her dad.”
My exhale is loud. Fills the room with the sound and the heaviness of the memories of that asshole.
“Emma was five years younger than me. We were thick as thieves our whole lives. She didn’t see the world like I did, but she also accepted that we both saw things differently and didn’t try to change me to fit her views. She just wanted to be loved, while I was content with just loving myself. When she met Ray, he said all the right things, showered her with gifts, and made her think she’d hit the jackpot. He got her pregnant a month after meeting her, but Emma didn’t care. She just wanted the family we never had. And she thought Ray was the saint that could give that to her.” I glance up at Drew, seeing his expression getting softer as he lets me finish. “I didn’t realize what type of man he was until it was too late. He always rubbed me the wrong way, but I thought it was just because he had a tendency to say inappropriate things.”
“You don’t have to tell me more. Not if it’s hard.”
“It’s not that, I’m just trying to remember what it was that clued me in on how bad he was. I think it was when Riley was around one and I saw him talking to a man who is well known for being tied up in a lot of bad stuff. He didn’t see me, but I saw enough to know he knew this man well. I mentioned it to Emma. I didn’t hear from her for a week, and when I did, it was to ask me to watch Riley. The day she came to get Riley, I saw the bruises. I begged her to let me help her, but she wouldn’t hear of it and didn’t talk to me for close to six months.”
“Fuck,” he mutters, pulling me closer.
“Things were strained after that, but when she called me the night he killed her, she told me she was getting out. He was out of town, and she would go get her stuff out. She brought Riley to me, and we made plans to get her out of town. That was the last time I saw her.”
He doesn’t speak, but he doesn’t need to. His arms come out and pull me into his warm body a second later. My cheek hits his chest, and I feel the rapid beating of his heart against it. His breathing is calm, but his heart is giving him away. This man isn’t as unaffected by life as he pretends to be. Or maybe he just can’t fool me. For whatever reason, I have a feeling the connection I’ve felt toward him from the first time I made eye contact is much more than sexual.