I can’t find it in me to give a shit.
“Wow,” she breathes, coming down. “Can we do that again?”
I lift my head, look into her eyes, and for the second time in years … I smile.
“Yeah, babe. We’re going to do that again.”
Her smile is lazy, her whole body relaxed. “Can we do that a lot more?”
My lips keep turning up, smiling like I used to … like I didn’t have a care in the world.
“Yeah, we’ll do that a lot more.” I move my softening cock inside her, and her eyes heat.
“I could get used to this, and that scares me,” she admits with a soft cry when I slip from her body.
I look down between us and see that the condom isn’t even attached to my cock anymore.
Lifting up, I look down at her red pussy lips to see the condom hanging out of her. I hook a finger and pull it out, looking into her eyes as I hold it up.
“This doesn’t scare me, so what’s that tell you?”
Her eyes widen, but she just opens and closes her mouth.
“Any other woman and I would have been close to losing my mind. Don’t be afraid of me, Olivia. Don’t be afraid of what you feel. Because if this doesn’t scare me, then I can honestly tell you that you don’t need to be feeling a damn bit of fear where I’m concerned.”
“I’m not on the pill, but the timing should be okay.”
“I wouldn’t give a shit even if it wasn’t. Give me your hand.”
She listens instantly, and I place her palm against my chest.
“Not once in over twenty years have I felt like this worthless piece of shit was still working. Not once. We move at whatever pace works for us, but don’t let fear into it. Not when you just brought me back from the dead, Olivia. It’s only everything I’ve ever wanted but never let myself believe I could have.”
Her eyes tear up, but she nods.
“You gonna ride this out with me?”
“Yeah, Coop. I’m going to ride this out with you. I understand you. It’s only everything I gave up the dream of having.”
“You gonna let me inside that body again tonight?”
She blinks, the wetness leaving her gaze, then smirks. “I think I might just do that.”
After cleaning up our mess in the theater room, she leads me to the large master bedroom, and I spend the rest of the night with her breathing life back into my soul. It feels like I’m coming back to life, over and over again.
I didn’t lie. She’s only everything I ever mourned when I gave up my life to live in the shadows. But I’m also not stupid. There’s a chance I’ll lose her when she finds out what I’m keeping from her. I know I have to tell her, but right now, all I can think about is how good it feels to be fucking alive.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I’ll tell her.
Maybe.
“Ocean” by Lady A
The morning hasn’t even slightly gone as planned from the moment Riley woke up until now. It’s just been one hot mess after another.
We’re in a hurry.
And I hate being in a hurry.
There’s always the anxiety that comes along with being late, too. Something I go through great lengths to avoid. Will you be making other people late? Will you forget something in the haste to get out of the house? Will you, worse, forget something like turning off the oven, and then poof, the house is gone? Then, because it wouldn’t be a freak-out without thinking that you’re messing up the natural order of events the day would bring if you were on time, ensuring that you would end with some Final Destination bang. It makes no rational sense. I know the world keeps spinning, even if I’m a couple of minutes late. I know there won’t be some disaster because of it. But still … it’s one of my worst features, for sure.
Riley, however? She’s the total opposite. The sun rises with her smile, and it sets only when she sleeps. That’s my bean, always bouncing and always happy.
Currently, she’s booking it like a race horse to get to the front of our building. The whole way down the elevator, she taps her tiny feet in an impatient rhythm for it to hurry. The second the doors open, her little legs can’t move fast enough. I have to pull back a giggle when I take in how awkward her rushed steps make her look. Her whole body leans forward, legs powering through as quickly as they can, while her tiny arms pump in time with her legs. She’s a little tornado with a one-track mind.
I grab the handle and push the door open, holding back my laughter even more when she starts pushing herself through the opening well before it was wide enough for her tiny little body. And then she was off, racing to where she knew he would be waiting. The happy giggles echo around her when she reaches him and acts as if she hasn’t seen him in years … when, in reality, he tucked the little monster in last night.
Last night, she pitched one mammoth fit. One so big, it had me wondering if he would book it right out the front door. It was that bad. They don’t often happen—her fits—but when they do, whoa boy.
She wanted to stay up and wasn’t happy with me when I told her she couldn’t, especially not to watch her BTS DVD … again. It had been much later than I ever let her stay up as it was, and I knew she was exhausted from the excitement of the day, adding fuel to the fire of the tantrum that followed. She tried every trick in the book to stay up, despite the exhaustion I could see etched on her little face. The only thing that worked was when Drew—her giant—calmly injected himself and offered to tuck her in with a bedtime story.
Riley in overly tired whiny mode never seems to flow with me being grumpy and impatient. It’s a recipe for disaster, even though it wasn’t her fault that I was functioning on battery-saving mode at the time. I didn’t handle it as well as I normally would—her being whiny and overtired—and I know a lot of it had to do with worrying about how Drew would handle a tantrum. I think I had been functioning with a shorter fuse anyway, with the worry over how he would handle it.
Drew thought he was just coming over for a relaxing night of TV and some DoorDash delivery for dinner. What he got, instead, was one heck of a view of the shit show that comes with Riley in meltdown mode. Not that it was really that bad, but tough days are just that … tough … and last night was just that. Tough.
There he is. The sole reason for her little legs to be rushing about, waiting for her right where she knew he would be.
Drew stands at the end of the walkway into our complex, nestled between two rows of perfectly manicured shrubs. It always reminded me of the entry to a grand garden. So much greenery, flowers, and thought was put into the space between the street side gate and the entrance into the condo’s lobby. A juxtaposition to the crazy busy life that continues on the busy streets beyond with the lush haven inside.
The second Drew spots Riley, he crouches down and waits until she collides with him. He wraps his arms around her with zero hesitation to give her a welcomed hug. I stop in my tracks and just soak in the sight of such a strong, big, rough-around-the-edges man being so sweet with my girly girl.
I never had any real expectations for what this would be or become between us. That was before last night. And I guess a little more just now—watching this big strong man love on Riley as if she was his own. So much care written all over his rugged face I would put money on the fact he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. It’s such a difference from his normal stoic expressions. It’s something that he started giving her well before he started giving me parts of himself. The bond they have, while it came about almost instantly, has grown into something I know will be unbreakable.