I hug my son while he hugs me back, and thank God I’m alive. I realize I hadn’t truly felt alive once in my entire life.
Not when I was growing up in the shitty house with an equally shitty mother.
Not when I had joined the Marines and found my real family.
Not even when I was screwing my way through life … searching for that feeling of being alive.
I was as close as I could get to it when Olivia gave me her light, but it was this piece that I never knew was missing that tipped over the scales.
We both pull back at the same time, and I look into eyes identical to my own as we both study the other silently. I was right. He’s tall, maybe a hair taller than I am. I can tell he’s got both my dimples, the nervous swallow giving them away. His hair, blond … no shock there. He kept it long on the top, styled in what I’m guessing is his fingers constantly pushing through the strands. The sides look light brown with the close cut he has.
He looks good. He looks healthy—if the muscles on him are any indication. He looks … hopeful.
“Not sure what to say when your dead dad comes back,” he says with a huff of laughter at the end. He shakes his head, looks down at his feet, and rubs the back of his neck.
“Not sure what to say when I come back to life and meet my man son.”
His lips twitch.
“You’re happy?” I finally speak, my voice low with words meant for him only.
“Have been. But life got a whole lot sweeter today, though.”
He reaches out and slaps my bicep.
“You only live once, old man,” he gruffs out, that damn deep voice of my man boy. “Or so I’ve been told that is.”
I clear my throat. “That’s what I hear.”
He grunts out a laugh and reaches out to give me another hug.
Yeah, he’s taller than I thought he was.
“Wished for you every Christmas and birthday for as long as I can remember. There’s no way I’m taking this gift for granted.”
“I don’t deserve that. Left all of you,” I say, looking at my brother and Chelcie before focusing back on Zac. “I’m not sure I would have been the father you deserved, Zac. Looking at you, I hate that I missed your whole damn life, but I’m also thankful you were raised by two of the kindest people I know. Got their heart, I can already see that. Means the world that you want to know me. And … I can’t wait to get to know you.”
“You, too.” He smiles, looking just like I did at his age.
“God, it’s like looking in the mirror.” I whisper the words low, just for him.
“Good to know I’ll still look good when I’m an old man,” he responds, a smile in his eyes. Those beautiful eyes of my boy.
“Sound just like I did at your age too.”
“Not always a good thing.” Chelcie giggles.
“He seems to attract just as many female friends, too.” My brother laughs.
And Zac, the spitting image of me, does just what I would have done at his age. He winks at me, and with a shrug, he says all I need to know.
The apple really didn’t fall far from the tree. My boy is good looking and sounds like he has no trouble finding a date. If I had known what kind of magic was waiting for me with the right girl—my Livi—I would have been more … selective back then. It’s not my place to offer that fatherly advice, though. He either knows it or will figure out on his own.
“I’d like to get lunch, if it’s good with you? Catch up on what I’ve missed?” I feel my awkward shrug like someone just put a spotlight on me. Why does this feel so damn scary?
He’s quiet, looking behind him at my brother and his mom before turning around to face me again.
“I’d really like that.”
It took me long enough, but fuck does it feel worth all that time it took to be right here, meeting my son.
My man son.
We exchange numbers and make plans to meet the next day for lunch. He steps away and sits in a chair next to the two couches, the rest of us scattered about with me and Olivia with a hyper Chelcie, fretting about making sure everyone is “refreshed and hydrated” before my brother forces her to sit and calm.
They look good together, Ash and Chelcie. He looks happy, and the way he has his wife pressed close to his side, he is also well loved. She’s spent more time bouncing her worried eyes between both Asher and Zac since we arrived. It’s good to see her relax when Zac sits down, relaxed and carefree.
I reach my free hand over and grab Olivia’s hand that had been resting on my thigh, needing more contact. She’s been curled into my side with my left arm swung over her shoulders—keeping her close. The conversation flows easily around me. I join in when necessary, but I spend more time marveling on how life-changing this moment is for everyone. I keep my hold on Olivia and let her tether me to the ground. The more I look around at my brother and son, the more I feel my heart beating faster, growing and filling wider than I’ve felt in a long damn time. I relax the hold I have on Liv, taking a deep breath to calm my thoughts. Using her to keep me grounded.
It’s not just this night that has my heart racing and my nerves firing like madness. It’s realizing just how much I owe the woman next to me for making this happen. For giving me back the life I had lost, the family I had left behind, and the son I have a chance to get to know now.
She has breathed life back into me, and what do I do to repay her love?
I keep a secret from her even larger than before. Hard to believe. I sit here with my family back, making promises together for our future now that we’ve reunited, and I’m keeping a monstrous secret from the woman who gave me the strength to take this chance I’m living right here in my brother’s home. There’s no way I could have done this without her, and for that, I owe her the truth. I can’t let us continue to grow closer to that beautiful future without her knowing it all.
She’s given me my life back.
I look around the room at the faces I never thought I would see again, the son I never imagined, and the woman who owns my heart.
This is what life is about.
Family.
Love.
What am I going to do if she can’t forgive me?
I’m this fucking close to having a life I could never have dreamed of … and without her, I really would be a dead man, even with all of this.
My son laughs at something Olivia says. The rich sound fills the room.
I clear my throat and blink a few times. The emotions too damn thick as they war within me.
The pressure in my chest keeps growing as the night continues and conversations flow. The whole time, I’m too afraid to move far from her, my heart not able to calm without her touch.
Fuck me.
If she doesn’t take what I have to tell her well and I lose her? I’m not sure my newly healed heart can handle that. It will break in a way I know not even this sweet life I’ve been given a second chance at will be able to mend it.
My son laughs again.
My mind goes to Riley, her sweet little giggle and crooked smile.
Zac was that little, and I missed it all.
Every damn step, word, and milestone.
His laughter booms around the room. In my mind, I hear Riley’s echo in with the sound of his. I realize it was Olivia’s sweet giggles when she moves against my side with each one. I have no idea what’s so funny, having been lost in my damn thoughts for too long. It’s hard to think of Zac, easily six and a half feet tall, being as little as Riley was. She’s going to love him, too. Two giants for her to love. Thinking of Riley makes me miss her even more, which is saying a lot. In the months that I’ve been with her aunt, she’s wedged herself a giant spot in my heart.