I look from Zac down to Olivia when her giggles become full belly laughs. I feel my lips tip as I watch her.
Yeah, I definitely want more kids to fill this life I’m going to build with her.
Marriage.
Kids.
I want to see her laugh like this with Zac. With Riley. And whoever we may add to our family there with us.
I want to live, dammit.
Maybe do that for the first time in my life, too.
God, please let her forgive me.
I look back at Zac, his eyes on me, and take a deep breath.
I can’t have come this far to have true and honest happiness ripped from me the second I’ve found it.
Right?
“Faraway Tree” by Boatkeeper
He’s been quiet.
The whole ride back to the hotel was filled with commentary from the sports station he has on the radio. I tried to get a conversation going, but he only muttered some grunts here and there, sticking to silence while he drives. I called Ella to check on Riley, but she had fallen asleep so it was a short call that didn’t help fill the void. We had been having FaceTime calls every morning and night with our little bean, but still I missed her so much. I know Zeke does too. I saw how he was looking at all the kids that have been around our large group here in Georgia.
When we got back, I excused myself to use the bathroom, wanting to give him a moment alone after such a highly emotional day.
Before we left his brother’s house, Zeke made plans to go to lunch with Zac tomorrow.
Zac.
He’s such an incredible human. It’s uncanny to look at him and see so much of Zeke in him. Chelcie and Asher brought some pictures out a few hours into our visit. We sat there, all of us, and looked through the albums. Zeke had been hyper focused on each photo and story. I could have kissed Chelcie and Asher for giving him that. Letting him watch his son grow through the years with each album we looked through.
After that, they pulled out the ones with a younger, wild-looking Zeke. Photo after photo of the man who I’m quickly finding has more layers than an onion.
The “old” him, the one that he was before I knew him … aside from the initial shock of seeing the younger him and not seeing much of a difference in his son. They could have been twins. It’s mind blowing. Not just because they look so similar, but because the Zeke I know now—the one who matches the man in those photos—looks so different from the Drew I knew. Three versions of the same man all so different from the other. Sounds just as confusing as it is to me. I go between sneaking little glimpses at him to full-blown staring.
One of these days, I might get used to how damn handsome he is, but that surely won’t be today.
Secretly, I miss the beard. Though I will never admit that to him. Both shaved or not versions of him are simply perfection. However, I’m really going to miss that little burn I get when he kisses me deep and hard with that beard. Yeah, I’m surely going to miss that. His kisses are five star no matter what, though, so I’ll live.
He clears his throat, and I come out of my lust-filled thoughts about him to give him my focus. I didn’t realize I was just staring at him.
He settled in to the bed and put a basketball game on when we got back. Probably should just leave it and take the sign for what it was—that he wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Something not too easy to achieve when you’re in a shared hotel room.
“I can go take a bath if you want some time alone to decompress, honey,” I offer, standing on the threshold of the bedroom after finishing up using the restroom.
“I don’t need to decompress, Liv.” He doesn’t look away from the TV.
“Maybe you don’t think you do, but honey … tonight was big for you. The adrenaline will crash soon.”
He takes a deep breath and turns the TV off, turning his head to give me his attention. “Come here, Olivia.”
“Maybe I’m good right here,” I smart, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom.
He cocks an eyebrow and gives me a playful smirk.
“I’m just worried about you,” I tell him honestly. “Tonight was a lot. Hell, it’s all a lot, honey. More than a lot of people can handle alone. More than the average person will ever experience. I don’t know how to set aside that worry.”
“Baby.” He sighs, patting the empty side of the bed next to him.
“You have lunch tomorrow. You have lunch with your grown son, and you’re watching a game like today was just a normal day. Honey, I don’t know how to process the way you’re processing all of this.”
He lets a small laugh out.
“This isn’t funny, Zeke.”
His eyes flash.
His brow ticks up again.
“No way, mister. I know that look in your eyes.”
“Then get over here.”
I shake my head.
“Olivia,” he says in a deep and dark tone.
I give a little huff that he only laughs a bit more at. My feet take me to the side of the bed regardless of the fact that he’s now finding humor in my concern for him. I look down at the handsome man lying on the bed and marvel in just how beautiful he is. Something I’ve done quite a bit since his makeover by Sway. I can see a mix of the old him and the new him blended together, something I can say for sure after seeing so many photos of a young and carefree version of him.
“Come here.”
“If I come over there, you’ll just try distracting me by getting me naked.”
He grunts out a laugh but just silently pats the side of the bed next to his hip. I sigh but sit. His hand takes mine, and those stunning bright-blue eyes of his look into mine. He looks down at our hands, his thumb caressing my skin slowly.
“I’m okay, Liv. Just taking the time to be thankful. Thanking God that he thought I deserved this second chance, and that he gave me you. No doubt, babe, I never would have gotten this gift had it not been for you.”
I feel my brow furrow, watching his eyes when they go from mine up to them. His free hand coming out to run one finger lightly down the bridge of my nose, soothing the spot between my brows first.
“Maybe tomorrow it will hit me. Maybe a month or year from now. That my boy is a man I didn’t get to see grow, but today? Today, I’m going to keep riding this high you’ve given me. I might’ve missed his big milestones growing up, but now I get to get to know the man he’s become and with any luck, he’ll like the man I’ve become.”
“He’s going to love you, sweetheart,” I tell him honestly.
“Maybe,” he answers, small smile still on his full lips. Those dimples that have been causing havoc to my system pop out. Ever since the beard was shaved and they were uncovered I find myself rather obsessed with seeing them more and more. What I don’t see are all the shadows that are usually riding him hard behind his gaze. There’s something there I don’t quite understand, but there definitely isn’t sadness or pain.
“There’s no maybe, Zeke.”
“You may be right, Liv.”
“I know I’m right,” I smart.
His expression changes and the small smile he had on his face moments before turns into a predatory grin.
“You being smart with me?”
Placing my hand on his leg, I slowly start to move it up his muscular thigh. He cocks an eyebrow at me, but doesn’t stop me.