That night Selena slept like a baby, or a drunken Uni student—and not in the imagined blissful way people talk about. She woke every couple of hours, crying and longing for someone to hold her. By morning, her eyes ached almost as much as the knot in her chest. But she pulled on her favourite grey dress, painted on the war paint, and went into work, striding with false confidence, avoiding eye contact with all staff. Her strength faltered slightly at the sight of Nick’s empty desk chair just as she reached her office door.
She swallowed the emotions down and took her place at the helm of the company to carry on. His resignation letter was neatly typed and on her desk. She sighed and sat down, holding on to the bit of paper, knowing that was the last nail in the coffin of what she had hoped would turn into her happy ever after. It was more like a disaster tale. The end of love. She stuffed it in the drawer quickly, and moved on to checking emails. Distraction would be her cure. From now on, she was all about work.
41
“I can’t believe you’re back taking on more shifts here,” Chelsea said, excitement sparkling in her eyes. “Did you miss me too much?”
Nick laughed. “Yeah, that’s why I’m back. I missed you.”
He sighed and rubbed his palms on the sides of his black bar shirt, getting ready to go out and start the shift. His phone rang with an unknown number. He immediately answered it. He was still on high alert from the upheaval of the past few weeks.
“Nick Harvey?”
“Yes.”
“Hi Mr. Harvey, it’s the Bank of England here. It’s just a courtesy call to offer you the chance to move funds into a new savings account with us, as your records show a substantial amount of cash has been deposited to your account recently.”
“Really?” He scratched his head.
“Yes, from a source called, erm, Shades of Chic.”
His gut dropped. “I’ll just leave it for now, thank you,” he said before hanging up. He wouldn’t touch that cash. Every penny of it was grimy with the devastation of his relationship with Selena. It was the dirtiest cash. He had told her he didn’t want her money, but she obviously hadn’t believed him.
Chelsea butted back into his thoughts.
“I thought you were ditching us for good for some high-flying career with a supermodel girlfriend and fast cars,” Chelsea added, winking. “I’m glad you’ve come back down to reality.”
The word girlfriend tugged at Nick’s heart. He was trying to push Selena out of his mind. They were from different worlds, he reasoned, attempting to convince himself it would have never worked. Deep down he knew he could have given her everything she wanted if the whole underhanded project with Simon hadn’t shattered all their hopes. Selena never seemed to care about his lack of wealth. It wasn’t an issue to her. He could have worked his way up in business with her happily by his side supporting his dreams, and he would have been her rock, her protector. He knew that’s what money would never be able to buy her. It’s the one thing he could have given her. Even though it was pointless, he couldn’t help harbouring hopes that someday they would meet again, under better circumstances, and be able to act on all their desires to build a life together. That dream was so far off, though. Nick had to get his head down and finish his course. His whole future depended on it. And now that Chris had left London, he felt free. He vowed it was the last setback. He would never put his future at risk again for his brother’s mistakes. In the past it had cost him time and education. This time, it had cost him a shot at love. For that, he would never forgive his brother.
Chris had upped and gone to Manchester to begin again, promising he was finished with drugs. He was looking for work and determined to make a go of it in a new city. Nick hoped to God things would pan out for his brother, because he sure as hell wouldn’t be there to clean up the mess if it didn’t.
An old man approached the bar, took his flat cap off and said in a gravelly voice, “Ah, the wandered returns. Good to see you son. Have you been away travelling?”
“You could say that, Frank,” Nick said, smiling. “What can I get you? The usual? Pint of real ale?”
“Yes, lad, the usual.”
After work, Nick made the journey to his mom’s. The front door was wet and the smell of piss was so strong it hit the back of Nick’s nostrils and made him choke.
He knocked on the door and heard movement immediately behind it.
“Mum, it’s me, Nick.”
She opened the door, wearing neon yellow rubber gloves, a scrubbing brush in her hand. Her face was twisted into an agonized frown. “They bloody pissed in my letter box. I’ve had enough of it,” she said, tears spilling down her cheeks.
“Get your things,” Nick said forcefully. “You’re coming to live with me. I don’t care what you say, you’re not staying here a minute more.”
She nodded. Finally, she wasn’t putting up a fight. She spent fifteen minutes roaming around the rooms of the small flat, choosing which things to pack into a black suitcase.
“I’ll phone the landlord in the morning,” Nick said. “We’ll get it all tidied up and handed back, don’t worry.”
His mother looked up into her son’s eyes and whispered, “Thanks for turning out so well. I don’t know how you’ve done it, but you’ve turned into such a good man.”
Nick sighed. Good and man were not two words he would use together in a sentence about himself at the moment. He kissed his mother’s forehead and ushered her out the door, scowling at his wet sneakers as he stepped across the carpet.
Back at his apartment, he gave his mum the bedroom and settled on the sofa for the night. There was a spare bedroom, but he would have to save up to buy himself a small bed to put in it. For now, the sofa would do. He watched TV mindlessly, knowing that sleep wouldn’t take him easily that night. He pulled the red velvet blanket up around his shoulders, the faint smell of Chanel stabbing him in the heart.
I’ll wash this blanket tomorrow. I can’t stand that smell anymore. No I won’t. Who am I kidding? It’s the only thing I have left of her.
42
Selena poured Pinot Grigio into two glasses before handing one to Dee. The glugging sound from the bottle as the pale yellow liquid rushed out of its thin neck never failed to make Selena smile.
“I can’t believe it,” Dee said, shaking her head. “I’ve never seen you so hung up over someone and I can’t believe he turned out to be such a git.”
Selena sucked a long breath in through her teeth. “Yup. I never saw that coming.”
She took a big gulp of wine and glanced at the pile of undies thrown into the open case on the bed.
“Here I am packing for Paris again, and the only knickers I’m taking with me are all my old saggy ones. There’s no chance of anything happening this time,” Selena said, swinging a pair of large black knickers around her finger.
Dee chuckled. “Not unless you enjoy some rebound nookie with a French hottie.”
“Don’t even start, Dee,” Selena said, raising one hand. “I’m not even going there. It’s horrendous. I forgot how much it hurts when it goes wrong. I can’t deal with that again.”