“You’re bluffing,” he spits, face red from pain.
I smirk. You’re damn right I’m bluffing. “Sure. I could be. But every time you think about giving Julia a hard time, you’re going to have to ask yourself if you want to risk the possibility that I could be telling the truth. You might also want to remember that I know where you live.”
“Fuck you,” says Ted.
“Let me help you back up,” I say, kneeling to lift him. He struggles against me, trying to push himself free. This is normally where I’d give him something to remember me by, whether it was a black eye or a missing fingertip. But I want to keep my promise to Julia, so I abruptly let him go, curious to see if he can stand on his own.
Unfortunately, he can’t, and he totters backwards, falling right back into the coffee table again.
He’s groaning on the ground when I leave. I feel good though. I’m making progress, a little bit at a time. Hell, I already feel like a new man.
50
Julia
Roman is in the other room meowing at the cat while I help my mom take her pills. There are so many that it’s a small wonder she manages it without my help most days. “You sure you’ve been taking this one twice before noon, right?”
She squints at it. “Oh, I thought he said to take that one four times before noon.”
I glare at her. “Mom, that’s not funny.”
She smiles weakly. “I thought it was.”
I sigh, running my hand down her arm. She’s so frail. My mom has always been so powerful, so confident and sure. Her mind is still the same, but seeing her body this way hurts. I can hardly remember how she used to be anymore. It feels like forever since the first diagnosis came through. “Mom, did you and dad ever have trouble? Like something you couldn’t ever agree on?”
She laughs. “When did we not have trouble? They say marriage is a compromise because in a healthy marriage, no one ever gets exactly what they want.”
I frown. It’s odd thinking of my parents having trouble. I vaguely remember one of my undergrad courses on marriage counseling talking about something similar. The truth is I never planned to get into marriage counseling though, so I didn’t ever revisit those notes. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well, I always thought we should go to church as a family every Sunday. It was just one of those things that were part of the future I imagined for myself ever since I was a little girl. Me, my handsome husband, and my beautiful children all snuggled into church pews every Sunday, dressed to impress and happy. But your father only ever went to church to please me, and I knew it was like torture for him to go.
“So if I had got exactly what I wanted, your father would have been miserable. If he had got exactly what he wanted, I would have been miserable. The tough part is agreeing on where the middle ground is. A good man will shift that middle ground farther and farther toward his woman’s side, and your father was a good man. He was right there in those pews with us every Sunday, and I still love him for it.”
I smile. I didn’t even know my father wasn’t religious. He never talked about it or pushed it on me, but mom’s right, he was there almost every Sunday. I can’t keep my thoughts from wandering to Leo. Can I really accept a compromise from him? Going to church is one thing, but hurting people, even killing them?
My mom sees right through me, like she always does. “He’s a kind man, Julia. I don’t care what he does for a living. There are two types of broken men, and Leo is broken. One type is broken beyond repair, the other wants to be fixed. Leo wants to be fixed. I can see it in him. He’s just waiting for the right woman to come along and help him find his way again. If you can help him find his way, he’ll be yours forever. I know he will.”
I take a deep breath. “If. It’s a big if. A really big one.”
“You’re more capable than you give yourself credit for. You always have been. When I heard you were going back to school for psychology I was so happy. I think a lot of mothers have to watch their kids chase the wrong dream. I was lucky enough to see my baby go after the one thing that God meant for her to go after. You were born to help people. You have a way about you that makes people want to change, to be better.”
I squeeze her hand. “I had a pretty good model for behavior.”
She smirks. “You’re right. I’m pretty amazing, too.”
I laugh, trying not to let the sadness that is always just outside the door come in. My mom has always had so much faith, but I can’t help being angry with God for what’s happening to her. How can a woman like her who has never done anything but bring her own unique blend of happiness to people get sick like this? What greater purpose can that possibly serve? I try to stop. Those questions lead me down a dark spiral that leads to anger, which isn’t going to do anyone any good right now.
51
Leo
I knock on Julia’s door once I hear they are up for the morning and moving around. I have plans to meet with Angelo late tonight. I tried again to talk him out of going to see the Bianchis, but as usual, he’s being stubborn. He’s supposed to meet them at 9:00 p.m. on their turf. Apparently he’s taking Carlito with him. I’m going to make sure I’m there with him in case they try anything. But I have time to take Julia out for an early date if she still wants it.
Julia opens the door, looking gorgeous even without her makeup on. She’s a natural beauty, and to be completely honest, I wouldn’t care if she stopped bothering with makeup all together.
“You look great,” I say.
She laughs sarcastically, lifting her wet hair and doing a little curtsey. “I look like a drowned rat, but thanks.”
“Are we still on for that date?”
She hesitates, glancing back inside just in time to see Roman streak past completely naked. I grin and she sighs in exasperation. “I’ve already dressed him three times this morning.” She bites her lip, looking back to me. “I want to apologize to you.”
I raise my eyebrows. I sure as hell didn’t expect that.
“I’ve been a bitch to you since you came back.”
“I showed up and fu—” my eyes fall on Roman, who is still sprinting through the house butt-naked. “I screwed up your life and then disappeared. You have every right to be angry.”
She shakes her head, deflating a little. “My life wasn’t perfect before you came along. Look, do you mind coming in? I feel weird having this conversation in the hallway. I can make us some tea.”
I don’t drink tea, but I nod my head, following her inside and taking a seat at the kitchen table. Roman pokes his head around the corner, grinning like a wild child at me. “Hey bud,” I say. “You know, your mom was just telling me how big you looked in the outfit she picked out for you. Can you go put it on so I can see, too?”
His smile widens and he scurries off and out of sight. I hear drawers slamming in his room as he rummages for the clothes.
Julia smiles over her shoulder as she gets the tea going. “Thank you. You are a useful guy to have around the house, you know.”