“I’m willing to give it my best effort,” I replied, kissing him one last time and getting dressed.
He was snoring quietly by the time I left the room, but I was still walking on air.
I was feeling like a total badass when I pulled into the parking lot and saw both Garret’s and Steve’s cars sitting there. No problem, I thought. I was running in and out, and I would call Laura after I was gone to let her know what was going on. I knew she’d get it, plus I had carte blanche to work from home anyway, a perk that Garret didn’t have.
When the elevator opened I hurried down the hallway and into my cubicle, doing my best to avoid everyone else. Garret had been too gleeful when he’d realized Steve was Brian’s ex, and the urge to throat punch him was still strong. I wasn’t prone to violence, but for Garret, I was willing to make an exception.
I was almost packed up when Steve slid into the doorway, a slick, salesman smile on his face. “I’m glad to see you back and safe,” he said, his face contorting into an expression that I guessed was meant to be concern. “I know Brian can get a little rough, but you look like you managed.”
“Whatever happened between the two of you is none of my concern and I’d like to keep it that way,” I told him curtly.
“Wednesday is a little early to start your weekend, isn’t it?”
“Move out of my way.” I was firm, but polite, though I itched to shove him out of my path.
He narrowed his eyes. “I thought Brian liked men that could be easily overpowered.” The grin that spread across his face sent shivers up my spine. “He did always love a challenge, and if that’s what you’re into, that’s fine. I just thought you’d like a fair warning before you find yourself in a position you can’t get out of.”
“Please leave.”
“Suit yourself. Just know that Brian has a certain way with men. He wears them down until they agree to take on the submissive role, then he works them over until they break and they’re just a shell of the man they were before. He’s a sex-crazed maniac who likes to play the gentle dominant, but in reality, he’s using you and he’ll abuse you until you’re broken. I barely got out of there with my self-respect intact. Don’t let him turn you into something you’re not.”
I was taken aback by everything he was saying, and the afternoon in Brian’s bedroom flashed through my mind. Had I been duped into thinking it was consensual? Surely this man was just a sour ex, trying to ruin Brian’s life. Except he left Brian, a voice in the back of my mind insisted. If he’d moved on, why did he care if Brian did, too?
“I see you’re considering it,” Steve said. “I know what it’s like. You are so bent on pleasing him and earning his praise that you don’t see it yourself until you’re away from him. Get out while you can. It only gets worse from here.”
“I’m not going to ask you again,” I ground out, but my heart was sinking.
Raw and off center from a long afternoon of submitting to Brian’s every whim, I found myself wondering if there was any truth to this man’s claims. As I shoved past him, I remembered my excitement and mortification at the thought of Brian displaying me in the window for his gardener to see. And how eagerly I’d all but thrown myself across his lap to be spanked roughly. It wasn’t like me, and Steve’s words poked and prodded at my subconscious until I was doubting every bit of pleasure I’d experienced.
I didn’t realize I had tears streaming down my face until the stoplight was a blur, forcing me to wipe my arm across my face so I could see. I felt used and dirty, but more than anything, I was confused. Was Brian so good at manipulating I hadn’t even noticed? Steve seemed so sure of it. And Brian had worked the contract so I didn’t get a dime of his money, even though that wasn’t how being a consort was supposed to work. You wanted that, I admonished myself, but another voice challenged my conviction. Had I really wanted that? And had I truly wanted to prove to Brian that I could be the submissive he’d challenged me to be? I couldn’t be sure, and it was killing me. I needed to think, and I needed to talk to Brian. He deserved to know what Steve was saying about him.
And I deserved to know if there was any truth to it.
18
Brian
I woke up almost an hour later, surprised that Jeremy wasn’t back yet. Rolling over in bed, I touched the space where he’d been and looked at the ottoman, which still held everything I’d used on him that afternoon. Jeremy was sweeter than I’d imagined, and the realization hit me hard. I’d compared him to men who hadn’t been half as wonderful as him, and I’d even gone so far as to punish him by creating a contract that gave him nothing in return.
And he’d given me everything I’d asked for and more. “You’re an ass,” I muttered, but I was already dialing the phone, waiting for an answer on the other line.
“Brian,” the Monsieur said warmly. “I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon. Is everything all right?”
“It’s better than all right,” I said. “But I’ve made a terrible mistake.”
“Don’t tell me you’re not happy with Jeremy.”
I sighed. “No, it’s not that.”
“Care to tell me what’s on your mind?”
“Jeremy is perfect.”
“I’m not surprised. Any man willing to experiment with subbing has to have a heart of gold. You’re not very flexible yourself.”
“That’s the problem. Jeremy is amazing, and I treated him like he was one of the men that broke my heart. He deserves better.” I steeled myself for what I was going to say next, then I plowed ahead before I changed my mind. “I want to change the contract.”
Silence, but I could hear the Monsieur breathing. “You already have quite the contract,” he said with nearly no inflection.
“I know that, but Jeremy deserves what the others have. I want to change it so he gets what he’s entitled to as a consort.”
“I can’t change it without Jeremy’s consent, you know that.”
“That’s fine. I’ll bring Jeremy in and we can change it.”
“This is very unorthodox. I hope you understand that you cannot change the contract every time you have a change of heart.”
“I know, and I won’t. You have my word.”
“Good. Young Jeremy deserves better, and I’m glad you’ve come to your senses.”
The line went dead in my ear just as I heard the door open and Jeremy walked in, arms full. His eyes went to the ottoman then back to me. His lips were tight and he made no move to drop what he was carrying onto the bed.
“Can I help you with some of that?” I asked, concerned.
“No,” he shook his head, then he finally laid everything that was mine on the floor. “I think this is what you need, right?”
“What I need is you,” I said, holding my arms out to him. He moved toward me, but his eyes kept flicking toward the ottoman.
I gathered him into my lap, the only thing between him and me the thick quilt that I had wrapped around my waist. He was stiff, though he let me hold him and when I kissed the top of his head, he leaned into me. “Something’s wrong,” I pressed, but he shook his head.