“I don’t want to be consumed,” she said.
“I don’t think we get a choice about that,” he told her. “But we can respect each other enough to try our hardest to have boundaries.”
“I don’t think I know how to walk that line,” she admitted.
He gazed at this beautiful woman and realized he didn’t have an answer for her. He didn’t know how to solve her problem. He just knew that he loved her, that he was willing to give her the space she needed to figure it out.
“I love you,” he told her. Her eyes widened, and he watched as she tried to bring down the shutters.
Kian pulled out of her and felt an indescribable emptiness. He untied her feet, then her hands. Then he climbed back on the bed and offered himself to her. It was her choice to take him or not.
She sat there for a moment and then she crawled over him, connecting their bodies again. But she didn’t want slow and sweet anymore. Now she wanted the pain to go away, she wanted to push it to the farthest places of her mind.
Kian could give her that because he’d made progress with her. He didn’t know if they were going to have a happy ending or not, but he’d opened the door. It was her choice if she wanted to walk through it.
Their lovemaking grew more and more frenzied, and when she lay sated in his arms, he held her as she drifted to sleep. Before he allowed himself to drift off, he let her go and got up.
Kian gazed down at her for a long period of time, and then he dressed and walked out the door. He wasn’t sure what would happen next, but he’d opened himself up to her. Now it was her turn to decide if she could accept what he was willing to give, or if she would choose darkness forever.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Roxie’s nerves were exposed, and she felt more raw than she ever had before. She still didn’t know what to think about the other night with Kian. It had been too much for her, and he hadn’t relented. What did that mean?
Now, she had to go to this party at Evan’s house, and she knew Kian would be there. She’d refused to ride with him, and he would have to deal with that. She wasn’t going to allow him to control her, and she was more than capable of arriving at a place by herself, even if the man didn’t think her car was suitable. He could deal with that. But she still didn’t know what it was going to be like to see him, especially in public.
Her emotions were raw, her body felt foreign, and her mind was spinning. This was one of the reasons she’d run from him in the first place. She couldn’t handle how he made her feel. It was too much. All of it was just too much.
Roxie took her time arriving, not wanting to be one of the first ones there. She figured if there was a crowd, it would be much more difficult for Kian to try to corner her. She might have blonde moments once in a while, but most of the time she could think, she thought a little too smugly.
When she arrived, she had a difficult time parking, as there were so many vehicles. She had to find a space what felt like a hundred miles from the main house. She’d been wanting to have a crowd there so she wouldn’t be even close to being alone with Kian, but this number of people was quite overwhelming.
As soon as she opened her car door, she heard the noise coming from Evan’s house. There were bright lights shooting up into the sky from what she assumed was a party area in the back. Her heart was thudding as she pulled Lily from her car seat. Her niece grinned at her, but she wanted to walk, so the trip to the house took twice as long as it normally would, but Roxie didn’t mind that. It gave her more time to pull herself together.
There was a sign on the door that told people to come on in and go straight to the back. She walked into the house, though it felt strange to do so without knocking. There were people milling all about the house, and several said hello to her as she passed through. She recognized some people, and others she didn’t know at all.
She really could use a drink, but she’d driven herself, so that was off the table. Maybe she hadn’t been thinking enough about this, darn it. When she stepped out the back door, she realized there were a few hundred people milling about. A live band was playing a country tune, and teens and adults were having a great time, dancing and talking, and there was so much laughter all around her, it was impossible not to smile.
Lily was tugging on her hand as she spotted a group of children over at a giant bounce house. “Hold on, sweetie,” Roxie told her, but Lily wasn’t being patient at all.
“I’ll take her to play.”
Roxie turned to find Juliana Forbes standing next to her with a sweet smile on her lips. Kian’s family had always been good to her, and they treated Lily with such adoration it was impossible for Roxie to try to pull from them.
“How are you?” Roxie asked.
“I’m wonderful, darling. How about you? We need to spend some real time together because I truly miss you,” Juliana said. She didn’t hesitate as she reached in and wrapped her arms around Roxie.
Without thinking twice about it, Roxie released Lily’s hand and grabbed on to Juliana as if she were a lifeline. A tear fell, and she found herself shaking as she accepted the woman’s embrace. If she could have ever dreamed of the perfect mother, it would be this woman with eyes so kind, they made a person instantly feel warm and taken care of.
Juliana held Roxie a long time before she released her. Her own eyes were shining as she looked at Roxie with a smile.
“I miss you, too,” Roxie admitted as she wiped away tears. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess right now. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She tried to laugh, but she was slightly mortified at how she was behaving.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Juliana told her.
“I’ve never apologized for not telling you goodbye four years ago,” Roxie said. This was long overdue.
Juliana cupped Roxie’s cheek in her small hand. “You had your reasons. And you don’t have to explain yourself. I’m just happy to see you’ve found your way home,” she told her.
Roxie had to fight new tears that wanted so desperately to fall. She’d never felt good enough to be a part of the Forbes family, but it wasn’t because of the way they treated her. No, it was all inside her own head. Anyone who was lucky enough to become a part of their family should embrace their fate.
“Let me take Lily to play with the other children while you relax for a while. You can have some much-needed time to yourself,” Juliana said.
Lily was bouncing up and down beside them as she gazed over at the kids. “Thank you,” Roxie said. Though it felt good to finally apologize, Roxie didn’t want to keep thinking about the past.
Juliana gave her one more hug before she offered her hand to Lily, who gladly took it and practically dragged Juliana away. Roxie had to take several calming breaths to pull herself together. She looked around and was grateful no one had seemed to notice their interaction. She moved over to the drink table and grabbed some iced tea, then found a nice little corner of the yard where she could stand back and observe.
“I see my mother’s found her granddaughter.”
Roxie felt tears again and pushed them down as she turned to see Kian beside her. He’d sneaked up from somewhere without her awareness. She really was all off-kilter. She’d been hoping to avoid any intimate moments, but it didn’t appear as if fate was on her side at the moment.