The most cowardly thing a man could do was to wake up a woman’s love without any intention of loving her back. I heard that somewhere once, and it changed everything about how I treated women. I stopped pretending to love them to get what I wanted. I was more honest and didn’t play games or lead them on. So, why was I sitting there across from Lizzy not saying exactly what was on my mind?
Her eyes glistened with the desire and heat that had been building between us all day. I was better at hiding it than her, but that didn’t mean I was immune to it. Every time our hands or arms brushed together, I felt a wave of need crashing through me. The slightest look or smile hit me in the pit of my stomach and made me want to grab her and kiss her again. That was what had brought us so close together on the sidewalk when I knew I either had my chance to run, or hold onto her a little longer.
When our plates were nearly emptied, Liz stretched a little in the booth and then leaned back. She looked tired and a little drunk, but happy. One wavy strand of her hair trailed straight down to the cleavage poking out over the outfit I bought her. She gave me a daring sort of look. One that seemed to say: “What are you going to do with me now?”
That was when I knew. I wasn’t capable of just walking away from her that night. Maybe I’d known that ever since lunch, but I still had time in the day to dance around it then. To pretend like I had any other choice. It just wasn’t in my nature to want something and not take it, especially when it was right in front of me and all too willing to be mine.
The tension between us only grew more through dinner until finally we were walking back out into the fresh evening air with nothing left between us. Lizzy was quiet, as if she was waiting for me to make the call. We were getting close to my car, and I had two options. Drive her back to her car, or take her back to my place.
“I had a lot of fun with you today,” I confessed as we walked up to my parking spot.
She stared at the ground as she followed me to the driver’s side door and leaned against it, placing herself between me and the car. Her face tilted up to meet mine, but she wasn’t smiling anymore. “Hey, Damon, listen. I know you’re not really a...relationship kind of guy.”
“Who told you that?” I said defensively, quickly kicking myself inside for blurting out the words. She was making this easy on me. Why was I resisting?
“Am I wrong?”
“No,” I grumbled.
“Exactly. People tend to think I’m naïve or fragile. I’m really not. I wish things were a different way, and sometimes I hold onto that hope...but I’m not stupid. I know you only took me out today because you were jealous.”
“So what if I was a little jealous?” I felt myself drawing closer to her.
“Then it’s not so much about you wanting me. It’s about not wanting anyone else to have me,” she said bluntly.
“It’s not that I don’t want you...and it’s not all about jealousy,” I argued. The words came out before I could stop them, but as I heard them, I knew they were true. Maybe that was why I had such a hard time just being straightforward with her before. Maybe what I thought I should be saying, what I would usually say, wasn’t exactly how I felt.
“Then what is it?” Her head cocked to the side, and her eyes seemed to plead with me. The look was earnest, and a little desperate. She was saying, “Please don’t fuck with me. Just tell me what’s going on.”
“To be honest, I don’t know what it is yet. You’re right...I’m not looking for a relationship. But...you’re fun and down to earth. You make me laugh. And you’re sexy as hell. You were even before you got all done up like this.” My fingertips stroked around her styled hair. Our eyes locked together, and I felt myself getting sucked in like a moth to a flame. “I am sure about one thing I want.”
“Oh yeah?” her voice cracked from the air between us growing thick and heavy.
I slid my hand across her cheek and around the back of her neck, pulling her face closer to mine. “I want to kiss you. Not just your lips, but every inch of your skin. And you know once that happens, we won’t stop. But...but I also know I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t,” she said softly just before standing on her toes to close the gap between our mouths.
Melting into her kiss felt like getting a big drink of water after a long walk in the desert. My hips pressed into her, pinning her back against the car while my tongue rolled through her mouth. She arched her neck, deepening the kiss. The arousal was building, and my erection was pressing against her. Her arms were thrown up in a sort of half-surrender, with her relaxed hands pressed back against the window. Her chest was open and begging me to explore it, but I couldn’t do that right there in the middle of the street with people walking all around us.
“Come with me back to my place,” I begged, my voice deep and full of wanting.
She nodded and kissed me again, fast and impatient. We broke away long enough to force ourselves apart and climb into our respective seats. She braced herself against the passenger’s side as she buckled her seatbelt and turned to me with a sultry look. Her chest was bobbing up and down, still breathless from our kiss.
“You’re going to make me wreck the car if you keep staring at me like that,” I quipped.
“Oh? Is that all I have to do? Look at you?” Her hand reached over, landing on the bulge between my legs. She stroked me through the fabric of my pants, making my whole body seize up.
“The look alone would have done it, but that definitely won’t help,” I groaned, adjusting myself in the seat.
She laughed and pulled her hand back, crossing and uncrossing her legs. We were both squirming with need. All my doubts and reservations melted back there somewhere in the street, and now all I wanted was to rip those clothes off of her and see her naked body again.
I finally pulled into the parking spot at my building and didn’t waste any time jumping out of the car to race around to the other side and take her by the hand. We ran toward the front entrance like someone was chasing us.
By the time we reached the elevator, we went crashing into each other again. I lifted her up and wrapped her legs around my waist, pinning her back to the mirrored wall behind us. She reached back and balanced herself on the railing, arching her back to press herself against me harder. It gave me the perfect view of her body and that damned pantsuit that should have been torn off already. We stayed tangled up like that together all the way through my front door.
12
Lizzy
I had spent days convincing myself that nothing else would happen with Damon. I had to. It was the only armor I had against getting my hopes up. But there we were again...all my defenses sitting in a pile on the floor among the clothes he bought for me, which he had passionately ripped off my body with the same authority he had when he insisted on buying them. The only promises I had to go off of were his obvious desire for me and his insistence that he didn’t want to hurt me. The best way not to break my heart? It would have been to just let me walk away. To let me down gently. But we both knew that wasn’t going to happen.
His lips trailed along the inside of my thighs as I sat on the couch with my legs draped over him. He kissed his way up to my tingling folds and started to tease them with his tongue. I tensed up and pressed against him, begging for more. I slipped out of awareness of everything but the feeling of his mouth wrapped around me, sucking me in.