“The dad? Why the hell else would I be sitting here across from you?”
I shook my head, desperately clinging to denial. “Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. Look at him, Damon. He looks just like you.”
“He’s the same complexion, sure. But…”
She snatched back the phone and tilted her head with disbelief. “Are you really going to sit here and argue with me about this? He’s nine years old. I wasn’t fucking around on you when we were together. Do you really think I’d cheat and try to pass the kid off as yours?”
“You did lie, steal, and treat me like shit the entire time we were together. So, yeah. Forgive me for thinking you’d be capable of something like that.” I buried my face in my hands for a moment to let it sink in. But nothing sank in. Things just slipped away. Like my plan of asking Lizzy to quit her jobs and move in with me. My entire life with Lizzy...slipping from my fingers.
“But wait. Why are you just now telling me this? Why wait nine years if you knew I was the father the whole time? I’ve only been living here for less than a year. You could have looked me up all that time when I was still in New York.”
“We weren’t together anymore,” she shrugged. “You made it clear your career was more important to you than me so…”
“You made it clear that I was nothing without a bunch of money and a fancy job,” I argued. “Then when I tried to get that, you constantly nagged me about working too much. Did you think I could have a job without going to it? Or that all that money you wanted me to have for you would just magically fall in my lap?”
“You worked all the time, but you had no money. That’s all I knew. Which meant you couldn’t help me. What were you going to do? Take the baby with you to work? Scrounge up pennies for diapers? I had to figure out how to make it work on my own because you had nothing to offer us.”
“And how did you figure it out!?” I barked. “You did it because you had to. Which is exactly what I would have done if I knew.”
She flipped her hair and pursed her lips, ignoring everything I was saying. “So after all those years of struggling and scraping by raising your child on my own, you can appreciate how upset I was to read an article about former New Yorker and billionaire Damon opening up a big nightclub right here in Cherry Falls.”
“Which you would have known about if, once again, you had come and found me and told me the truth!” I considered storming out of the restaurant right then and there, but if Simon really was my child, I wanted to provide for him. More than that, he deserved to know his father.
“I want to meet him.”
The scorned look on her face started to soften, and I could see tears forming in the corner of her eyes which she carefully wiped away with one of her long acrylic nails. It was always hard to tell when Nadia was sincerely upset or when she was just being manipulative. Which was how she always did such a number on me. I couldn’t just sit there, cold and heartless, while someone cried in front of me, regardless of what their reasons were.
I reached out and took her hands in mine. “Look, I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t come to me and tell me about this sooner. I’m sure it was hard raising a kid on your own this whole time. But you don’t have to do it alone anymore.
18
Lizzy
I collapsed on my couch and let out several deep breaths. It felt like I had been holding my breath for the whole trip. Partly because I couldn’t believe what a dream come true it all was, but also because I was holding in the secret of my pregnancy.
I groaned when the phone rang. I didn’t go back to work until the next day, and I felt in desperate need of the alone time. Del’s name and number flashed across the screen, and once again I was hit with the dilemma of not knowing if it was personal or work-related.
I picked up the phone and answered with, “I’m home safe and sound.”
“Did you tell him?”
“Jeez, you don’t waste any time getting to the point. Do you?”
“Well, you didn’t either with how you picked up the phone,” she retorted.
“Fair enough. But no. I didn’t tell him.”
The line fell silent, but I could hear her judgment loud and clear. It was the same judgment I had been casting on myself for days, every time I looked into Damon’s eyes. Every time he smiled or laughed or said something sweet.
“Well...are you going to?” she asked finally.
That was the question I didn’t have the answer to. “I did tell him that I loved him,” I replied. “He said he loved me.”
The line fell silent for a few moments again. “But you didn’t tell him that you’re pregnant?”
“Del, come on. You of all people should support me on this. This may be Damon’s baby, but I’m the one who has to go through the whole pregnancy and care for a newborn and everything that comes after that. Whatever I’m going to do...it’s my decision.”
“Right, but you don’t have to do all of that alone.”
“I know I have you and Angel, but it’s not the same. No matter how much you help. I’m still the one who has to have this baby.”
“Lizzy, no. I meant you don’t have to do it alone because you have Damon. He said he loved you. And if he loves you...he’ll want to be there for you and the baby.”
“He said he loves me,” I argued. “People say things they don’t mean all the time. I’m only going off of the disclaimer he gave me. He’s not a relationship guy, remember? So even if he does love me, it doesn’t mean he wants to be with me long-term or have a family with me.”
I could hear the irritation rising in Del’s voice. “Okay, girl...I love you. But you can’t keep this a secret from Damon forever. He’s going to find out. He’s best friends with my boyfriend, remember? How can we hide something like that?”
Because I won’t be in Cherry Falls anymore, I thought. But I didn’t have the heart to tell Del or Angel about that plan yet.
“Look, I just got home, and I’m really tired. I need some time to rest...and to think.”
“Okay, call me if you need anything,” she said before hanging up.
I sunk back down into the couch, throwing my arm over my eyes. The irony of my life was past the point of being funny. I wanted Damon from the moment I saw him. Now I had him and he was in love with me. Everything should have been better than ever, and the only thing keeping it from being that way was not knowing how he would react to the news of our baby.
When pretending I could hide from everything by sinking away into the couch stopped helping me feel better, I got up and paced my living room, lightly smacking myself in the head as I went. What was I doing? Why was I sabotaging this thing that I had hoped for, for so long? I had been thinking it was the pregnancy that ruined everything. But Damon was just as responsible for that as I was. The only thing threatening to ruin our relationship was me keeping this secret from him.
I grabbed my purse, keys, and phone and flew out the door, quickly calling Damon’s office as I went. I should have told him while we were on the trip. Every second I spent keeping this from him, increased the possibility that he would be furious with me for not telling him sooner. I couldn’t fix the fact that I hadn’t told him already. But I could go tell him right then.