“No.” The word was a whisper. “It’s not okay. But if that’s the only way I can have you, I’ll accept it. I’ve been able to do nothing else but think of you. You wouldn’t see me; you wouldn’t talk to me. Why do you think I’m here right now? I’m crazy about you. I thought I made you uncomfortable, that it was just a fling and you didn’t want anything else. But I couldn’t lose you, not completely.” I took a step closer to her. “Are you saying you don’t want to be just friends?”
“No. I want to be just friends with you.”
My momentary bubble of hope popped. “Oh.”
She closed the distance to me and grabbed my shirt. “But I can’t be just friends. I can’t do it. Oh, it’s all so complicated; this is such a bad idea. I know we made a deal, but I can’t help it. The moment I heard your voice, all I wanted was to kiss you. And then you came upstairs, looking like that.” She gestured at me, though I hadn’t thought I was wearing anything special. Just jeans and a sweater. Apparently, it didn’t matter. “You jackass. How could you do this to me?”
I brought both of my hands up to cup her face. I gazed down on her, reveling in her eyes and lips, her nose, and cheekbones, her golden skin that was now darkened with a flush of heat. “I want to kiss you, too.”
“Then do it,” she challenged through gritted teeth.
“Baby . . .” She blinked and the tears that had been welling fell, one down each cheek. I wiped them away with my thumbs. “Oh baby . . . love.”
Her hands came to my wrists and held on, like she would fly away otherwise. “Kiss me, Jack.”
When our lips met, it wasn’t like sparks or fireworks. It was like coming home. It was soft and she held her breath and let me nibble on her lips before I pulled back to see her face. She looked heartbroken. “Oh, Mona, don’t cry.” I took her hand and sat on the couch, putting her on my lap. I wiped her tears again. “Why are you crying?”
She clung to my shoulders and pressed her forehead to mine. “I can’t do this because I’ve fallen in love with you.” She sobbed.
“No, no, don’t cry. No, it’s good. Sweet. My Mona. I love you, too.” I caressed her face and kissed her. “Didn’t you know that? I love you so much it was killing me to be apart from you. Don’t do that again, please.” She kissed me back, hanging on so tight to me that when I rolled her onto the couch cushions we never stopped kissing.
It was a hungry kiss, one full of need and desperation. I needed her. I needed all of her. The week apart from her had been a torment, and she seemed to be just as desperate for me. She struggled to get her shirt off, and I helped her. Then, she pulled my sweater over my head. I removed her bra and we kissed again, bare skin against bare skin. “We can do whatever you want to do. Whatever. It’s up to you. If you want to keep us a secret from our friends, we can do that. If you want to keep it light and breezy, I’ll do light and breezy. If you want to move in with me, I would love that. Sweet baby. Anything you want.”
She was wrestling with my fly, trying to open it while we were pressed close against each other. “Make love with me, Jack. Now.”
“Okay, okay.” I stood and peeled off my pants as she stripped out of hers. She reached for me with both hands, urging me on top of her, between her legs. “Slow down. We have as much time as you want.”
“No, now.” She guided me to her, and we both groaned as I slid home, with no preamble. She felt so good, tight and hot, but mostly she felt good because she was Mona, and she was in my arms.
“Yes, baby, oh.” I kissed her all over, everywhere I could reach. I tangled my fingers in her hair until her hair tie fell out, and it was free, loose and wild. Glorious like she was.
“Faster, harder,” she urged. “I need you now.” She clutched at my back as if it were the last time she’d ever have me, and I felt the same intensity. I pounded into her, and she wrapped her long legs around me, rocking with me. I didn’t know how long it lasted. It could have been a minute or an hour. All I knew was this drive to be inside her, to be with her. I wanted it to go on forever.
But she cried out, her hands reaching out to the sofa cushions as if to hold on, her back bowing under the force of her orgasm, and I felt her clench on me, milking me. I couldn’t hold back any more. I came with her. We came together. She called out my name, and I collapsed on top of her. “Mona,” I whispered into her ear, gasping with effort. “My love.”
She glistened with sweat and her hair stuck to her skin. I brushed it back and kissed her sweet neck. “I’m so glad this isn’t over. I didn’t want it to be over.”
Her eyes were still closed. Her breath labored. Her limbs limp. I eased myself off of her, putting my weight on the sofa so that I could look at her. She didn’t move.
“Shh,” I told her. “We don’t have to do anything. We don’t have to go anywhere. Let’s just be.”
She made a sound half way between a whimper and a laugh.
Then, the tea kettle started whistling from the kitchen. It got louder and louder. “The water’s boiling.”
Then, she was laughing. Exhausted and still limp, but laughing.
I kissed the tip of her nose. “Let me get it,” I said. “You stay here.”
I jumped up and pulled on my jeans as the kettle kept screaming. She was watching me, her brown eyes large and liquid and full of emotions. I sat next to her on the couch. “Don’t worry, Mona; we’ll figure it out. I know we can make it all work. You catch your breath. I’ll get us tea.”
She nodded and I started to stand. “Jack!” She grabbed my hand and pulled me back down for a kiss. I caged her in my arms and put all my love into that kiss, all the hope and care and joy I felt to be back with her . . . touching her, talking to her. She was soft against my lips. Taking it, accepting it.
The kettle, however, did not stop. “Let me get that. You recover. I’ll be back with tea, okay?”
She nodded and watched me head into the kitchen, biting her lip.
I turned the stove off and poured the water into the teapot that she’d set up.
“Don’t forget the honey and lemon,” she called from the other room. Honey and lemon? I’d been in her apartment before, but I hadn’t gone through the cupboards. “And get the blue spotted mugs please. They’re for good luck.” Blue spotted mugs? I had no idea where any of that was. I had to rummage around for them. I found the honey and lemon and a tray, but no blue spotted mugs. I put the non blue spotted mugs on the tray and carried it all into the living room.
“I couldn’t find your lucky mugs. I hope you’re not getting superstitious on top of being my little hippie chick . . .” I stopped. She wasn’t in the living room. “Mona?”
I put the tea tray down on the coffee table and poked my head in other rooms. “Mona, where’d you go?” I went up the stairs. I searched everywhere. She wasn’t there. Back in the living room, I realized that the front door was open. Just barely, but definitely open, and I knew I hadn’t left it open when I came in.
It hit me like a blow to the gut. She’d run. She’d run from me. Suddenly, I knew. She said she loved me. She did. But she also said she didn’t want to love me. She said she couldn’t do this. Not being friends. Being with me. She wouldn’t let herself love me.