He grabbed my wrists and held me, tight and secure. “In point of fact, you did not tell me you didn’t want to be with me. You fucked me and then you ran off while I was getting you tea. You told me to find nonexistent mugs!”
I had done that. I had needed time. I needed to get space to stop my heart from beating to his heartbeat. He looked so hurt. In pain. I’d done that to him.
“You just disappeared. You said you loved me, and then, you ran away.”
I felt tears threatening, and I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to cry. “This is supposed to be a place where women can be safe. Where they can start again.”
He laughed but it didn’t sound like he was amused. “Well, I guess I owed you a betrayal. Remember when I called you to help me take my newly discovered sister to safety and you brought the man she was running from?”
I grunted. I had betrayed him then, but it wasn’t the way he said. “That’s different, and you knew it. It was Matthew. He wouldn’t hurt Maya. They belonged together.”
“Oh, but you think I’m going to hurt you?” He blinked and then turned away from me. “You do. You don’t trust me. You think I’ll hurt you like I hurt Marissa.” I could hear the pain in his voice.
“No.” I was drawn to him, the need to comfort him. “No.” I put a hand to his back. He stiffened. “That’s not what I meant. I think we’ll hurt each other. I think I’ll hurt you. I’m so angry, Jack. I want to fight the world all the time. I try to be kind, but if I let you in . . .”
He turned around so fast I stumbled, but he caught me. “I love that you are always ready to fight the world.”
I shook my head. “It’s too dangerous to let someone in, Jack. I’ll hurt you, you’ll hurt me, and then what will we be left with? I’ll lose everything in my life I love, my friends, my home . . .” Him. I wasn’t going to say it.
But he knew anyway. “Me? Are you afraid you’ll lose me?”
“I can’t lose you if I don’t have you.”
“You can’t lose love if you don’t let love in. Is that it?”
I shrugged. That was how it worked, wasn’t it? Being without was easier. Safer.
“Too late, Mona. It’s too late for the both of us.” He took a step toward me, and the back of my knees hit the bed. “Maybe we’ve both known this was the inevitable end for us, and that’s why we’ve been at each other’s throats forever?”
“Inevitable end?” My heart beat too fast. I didn’t want it to end, even if I had run away from him.
He hummed and then wrapped his arms around my waist. “Fate.”
“You don’t believe in fate. That’s just my mother believing she knows everything.” I pressed my hands against his chest, trying not to melt into him.
“No, it wasn’t just her. Marissa said something too. A long time ago at that wedding where we wanted to kill each other. She said you were my match.”
“No, she didn’t.”
“Yes, she did. Ask Duke; he was there. She said that if it weren’t for her, you would be the person for me. She was very good at knowing who people belonged to.”
I shook my head. “Now who’s superstitious?”
“No, Mona. I know because I feel it. And so do you.”
I closed my eyes. He was right.
“More than that though. You’ll never let me walk all over you, and I’ll never,” he kissed my temple, “let you push me away.” With one finger, he tucked a curl back behind my ear. “If you want to get angry at me, if you want to yell at me, I’m okay with that.”
“You’ll just yell back.”
“Yup.” He nodded. “I’m a jackass, remember.”
I laughed then, but for some reason, my tears began to fall. Then, I was sobbing. “You’re my jackass. I’m sorry I ran away. I was scared.”
He kissed my tears. “I’m yours, hippie girl.” He kissed my lips. “You don’t have to be scared of me. I’ll take you on adventures.”
I kissed him back. “Every day with you is an adventure. I didn’t want to like you. But the more I got to know you, the more I liked you.”
“I knew it!” he crowed. “I knew you liked me.” He hugged me.
“I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want to admit. It would have been a weakness to like you.”
“No, it just shows what good taste you have.”
I rolled my eyes. He was still such a jackass. And yet, possibly also one of the best people I knew. I ruffled his hair. “I didn’t want to love you, but I do love you. And I don’t think I can stop now.”
“Good; don’t stop. I won’t stop either. You fill me up, Mona. I didn’t actually know I could feel so much for a person until I met you. Even when you hated me, you lit me on fire. And you’ve never stopped. I love you so much. Wherever you want to go, I’ll take you. Whatever you want to do, I’ll do it.”
“No. You don’t have to. Just be who you are—you’re enough.”
His eyes lit up. “I am?”
“To be honest, you’re quite stunning in your perfection. You have stunned me. I can hardly believe that you exist. You're not the jackass. You’re not at all. You’re . . . everything. And I love you. That’s part of why I got so scared. But I want to be with you. I want to. I want to go on adventures with you.”
He eased me down onto the bed and slid a hand up my neck to cup my head. “Who knows where this adventure will take us.”
“I think it might take us our whole lives to find out.” I pulled him down to me, to kiss him, to show him how much I did love him, down to my very soul.
“Hmmm,” he said. It was a yes.
Epilogue: Sri Lanka
“Hey, hippie girl! Why are you so slow?” I stood at the top of the slope. The view over the jungle was unbelievable. I took one last photo as the sun broke through the storm clouds across the valley, highlighting the mountains on the other side.
“Because I’m taking my time experiencing these beautiful surroundings, you jackass.” I chuckled to myself. I knew she was giving me space so that I could take photos.
She came up the path, through the trees, and like that, everything became that much more beautiful. “Ah, there’s my hippie girl.” I reached out a hand to her, and she flowed over to me, her smile worth it all. I kissed her in the green air with the flower smells and the birds singing and bugs buzzing, and she was like a sun that the whole world revolved around. She was the center of my world.
“So, where is this famed temple you told me about?” She had tied her hair back so she could hike without it getting in her way, but curls still fell around her face.
I brought her hands to my lips and kissed them. “It should be just up here. I was waiting for you.” I pointed. “Here’s the path, see?”
“You got all the pictures you wanted?”
“Almost.” I winked and raised my camera to take a picture of her. She was as wild and serene and beautiful as the surroundings, and as impressive. The look in her eyes was full of love. For me. I thought I’d never get used to it, even though I’d been waking up to those eyes every morning for three months.