I don’t say anything because I know what she means. I felt it, too, but I’m too much of a coward to voice those thoughts. She doesn’t seem to notice my reticence to give credence to her, as she continues on.
“I mean… Andrew was inside of me. I was on top of his body, and he felt amazing. It all felt amazing. But at the end, it was just me and you.”
And still, I can’t say anything. It’s not that I don’t know what to say, it’s that I’m afraid to say what I should. To admit there’s something deeper there between us than we had anticipated. I can’t out myself to her because I’m not ready to handle the consequences if I do.
She looks back up to me, almost expectantly, and my throat closes off even more. Her eyes go round with alarm as she takes my silence to mean something ominous.
“Oh, God,” she says nervously. “Was that totally weird for me to tell you that? I mean… I know we’re supposed to keep this all separated, and I probably should have just kept my big fat mouth shut. Forget I said anything, because it’s probably just me inventing stuff in my head, and you know I get that way when—”
“I know about the information you dug up on my father,” I blurt out to stop her crazy rant. It was adorable for two seconds, but it needed to end.
Avril’s eyes get even more round as they fill with guilt and her jaw drops open. She does nothing but stare at me in shock.
“Near the end of our senior year,” I say to get it off my chest. “I was looking for post-it notes, and I went into your room. Found the folder in your desk drawer.”
“Dane,” she says and her voice is pained. “I am so sorry. I know I overstepped my bounds—”
I hold up my hand and shake my head. “I’m not mad about it. On the contrary, it’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me in my life.”
“I shouldn’t have gotten in your business.”
“Avril… you chased my father away with a baseball bat because I couldn’t do it. That was the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. You getting more info on him was the second nicest, because I know you were hoping something good would come of it.”
“I never gave it to you, though,” she murmurs. “I really struggled with what to do.”
“I know,” I say as I reach across the table and take her hand in mine. For as close as we are, for as dirty as we’ve fucked, I’ve never done something as intimate with a woman as holding her hand during a profound conversation. “I read all your notes… the list of pros and cons. I’m glad you didn’t give it to me.”
“You are?”
“Yes… because I’m fine without knowing anything about him.”
Avril can’t hide the slight tinge of disappointment in her eyes or the way her lips draw down. It tells me she’s been secretly harboring some romantic notion that I might reconnect with my father and be able to heal or some shit.
She gives a little cough and pulls her hand from mine. The cool air on my palm seems foreboding. “Well, then… I’m glad I kept that stuff to myself.”
“Still,” I say as I reach back across the table and take her hand again. I give it a squeeze and hold onto it tight. “Thank you. You hold top honor for the person who has done the two nicest things in the world for me.”
Avril blushes again, and I’m finding I kind of like that look on her.
One last squeeze to her hand and I let it go. “What do you want to do next? A museum? A boat ride? Gorge ourselves on chocolates?”
Avril laughs and looks at her watch. “We have a few hours before we have to meet Andrew and Fabron for dinner. I’m up for anything.”
Ordinarily, I’d prefer to take her back to the hotel and spend the rest of the afternoon in bed, but I surprise even myself by saying, “Let’s just walk around. Maybe do some shopping.”
Avril cocks an eyebrow at me. “Dane Hawthorne… wants to go shopping?”
I shrug before standing up from my chair. Even though tipping isn’t necessary in Europe, I can’t help but throw down a few euros. It’s an American habit I apparently can’t break while I’m here.
“Come on,” I say as I hold my hand out to her. “I’ll buy you something pretty.”
“I don’t need anything pretty,” she says as she takes my hand and stands up. I don’t let her go, but guide us past a few other tables to get us to the sidewalk.
“Stop being so practical, Av,” I chide as I pull her hand up and tuck it into the crook of my elbow. We stride lazily away from the cafe together, looking every bit a couple. “We’re in the most romantic city in the world. I want to buy you something pretty.”
“I’d rather have chocolate,” she says with a laugh. “Or a croissant. Or some other type of pastry.”
I can’t help but laugh, too.
I have no clue where Avril and I will end up in the future as it’s all very murky and I’m unsure of myself. But there may come a day I’ll look back on this moment and realize this was our first real date.
Of course, I keep these thoughts to myself. Voicing them out loud only gives credence to them, and I’m not ready to admit that’s where I want this to go just yet.
CHAPTER 22
Avril
I hear the front door open as I’d told Dane and Andrew to just let themselves in. I’d decided to cook dinner for them tonight, though I spent way too much time at work trying to figure out if it was cool to do it. Up until now, our sexual experiences have just been that. They started in the club but when they moved to my house or the suite in Paris, they were still just sexual experiences. The only exception was the afternoon Dane and I spent together there, shopping and just hanging out.
I liked that a little too much, but it all balanced out as the next two nights were just the regular old threesome stuff together. Which makes me snicker at the thought of a threesome now being par for the course in my life.
The last night was interesting. I have found I like anal sex very much, and it was Andrew’s turn to take my ass. We assumed the same position as the first night we tried it, except this time Dane was on the bottom. Every time the three of us have been together at the same time, we’ve all orgasmed pretty much at the same time together.
But that last night, I watched Dane carefully, and this was made easy by the fact I was riding his cock and able to look down on his face. I have no clue if Andrew knew it, but I saw it clear enough. Dane made himself hold out for his orgasm until after Andrew was finished. After Andrew came in my ass and pulled out of me, Dane rolled me to my back and fucked me hard until I came again and he came with me. It was an overt sign of possession, and yeah… I’m sure Andrew saw that.
How could he not?
Dane walks into my kitchen. If I thought the man looked good in a suit, he looks even better in jeans and a pullover. He smiles at me as I chop some bell pepper before walking around the kitchen island. I’m stunned when he pulls my knife out of my hand so he can draw me into his arms, whereby he kisses me so deeply and with such passion I want to crawl up his body and mount him.
When he pulls back, I whisper, “Wow. What was that for?”