“Like me, they didn’t want to interfere,” Lo says, adding, “unlike me, they’re not so comfortable speaking about feelings and emotions.”
“This will complicate things.” It already has.
“We’ll uncomplicate it.” She shrugs as if it’s that simple. “Together. Like we have with every other situation we’ve faced.” Pressing her lips to my cheek, she adds. “I’m sensing there’s more.”
“I’m scared. Everything I’ve ever wanted is within reach. I have you, and maybe him, and a real shot at happiness. What if the reality doesn’t live up to the fantasy?”
“We make our own reality, Theo. Others may try to control us, but they don’t. Why can’t you make your fantasy your new reality?”
Man, she really does make it sound so simple. I’m not naïve. I know it’s not. But Lo is helping me knock down the obstacles, one at a time, and my heart is already steadier, a serene sort of calmness lapping at the embers inside me, helping me feel more like me.
“What if I’m no good at it? What if I fuck everything up for all of us?”
A mischievous glint shines from her eyes. “Trust me, you have this sex thing nailed down tight.” She presses her mouth to my ear, and her warm breath raises goose bumps all over my skin. “You’re a fucking God in the bedroom, Theo. You just need to believe in yourself.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” I grin, sitting up, the scalp massage long since forgotten. “And you may be biased because we were always straight fire between the sheets.”
“Just so you know, you’re making me wet, and I didn’t get off because someone I love had a bit of a meltdown before I got there.”
I clasp her hip. “Don’t worry, my queen. I’ll make sure you’re looked after once I complete the meltdown mode.” A shuddering sigh releases from my mouth, as I let go of everything tethering me to fear. “But I wasn’t talking about sex. We’re building something special here, Lo. Something permanent and long-lasting because you’re our forever and we are yours. I don’t want to fuck that up.”
“You can’t carry that burden entirely on your shoulders, Theo. You aren’t responsible for our happiness. We’re each responsible for our own happiness. And we’re a team. We’ll figure this out together.”
“My dad said I ruin everything. That I’m a massive disappointment,” I admit, hearing the words in my ears as if he’s here whispering them to me. “What if he’s right? What if I ruin this?”
Holding my shoulders, she repositions us so we’re facing one another. “Fuck your dad. He’s an asshole for planting that doubt, and he’s wrong. You could never be a disappointment. Never.” She cups my face, inspecting my eyes as understanding sweeps across her features. “That’s why you like to be in control. Why you are always planning and organizing and making sure everything is in place. To ensure nothing goes wrong. To prove your value.” She lowers her voice. “Am I right?” I nod, because deep down inside, I know that’s the truth. “Do you feel in control now?” she asks.
I snort out a laugh. “I’ve never felt less in control.”
“Then it’s no wonder you’re scared. I don’t think this is about Caz at all. Not really.”
Slowly, the last of the fog clears as her words penetrate deep. “I want to live my life freely. But that’s the antithesis of control, so how do I marry the two?”
She shakes her head, and her breasts jiggle with the movement. Lust stirs in my loins, and my cock starts thickening, only now remembering we’re both naked, on a giant bed, with the heady scent of sex still permeating the air. “I don’t agree,” Lo says. “You can be free and still be in control. Isn’t that what freedom is? Having control over your life to live it as you please?”
I know exactly what I need to do. Scrambling off the bed, I extend my hand to her. “I need to talk to Caz. I want you there.”
Slowly, she crawls off the bed until she’s standing beside me. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk to him alone?”
“Yes. You are the center of our world, and if Caz and I are to have any kind of relationship, we need to work out how to do that without affecting what we share with you.”
I pull on sweats, and Lo pulls Saint’s T-shirt on over her head. It hits her mid-thigh, and she looks hot as hell with her sex-tousled hair and those gorgeous long legs I daydream about. Reeling her into my chest, I plant a passionate kiss on her lips, holding her close. When our lips part, I press my forehead to hers. “Thank you.”
“I didn’t do anything but coax the truth from your mind.” Her hands land on my hips.
“You did more than that, and you know it.” Lifting one of her hands, I bring it to my lips, placing a kiss on her knuckles. “You’ve been my anchor for a long time, Lo.”
“As you are mine.” Stretching up, she kisses my mouth. “And I’m excited for you. Your happiness means the world to me. Same for Caz, Galen, and Saint.”
“You’re truly okay with this?”
She nods vigorously, her smile expanding. “So much, yes. I tried to respect your privacy, but I sneaked a few glimpses, and the two of you fucking was like my every fantasy come to life.” She nips at my jawline. “So. Fucking. Hot.” My answering smile is so wide it threatens to split my face in two. “I tried to persuade Saint and Galen to hop aboard the D-train, but they shut that shit down pretty fast.”
I throw back my head, laughing. “Yeah, no. That will never happen.” I love the Lennox cousins, but I’m not attracted to them sexually or romantically. Not in the way I am drawn to Lo and Caz.
“Come on. Let’s go put Caz out of his misery.” She tugs on my arm, and a last-minute bout of nerves attacks me.
“I hope I haven’t fucked it up before it’s even begun. He was so hurt.”
“Just be honest with him. Caz loves you, and he’s probably as scared as you are for a lot of the same reasons.”
“I never want to hurt him.”
“I know, babe.” She laces her fingers in mine. “Let’s go tell him.”
We walk downstairs, but the place is empty. Galen and Saint have made themselves scarce, so I figure they have relocated to the workout barn to give us space to work through this. Ascending the stairs on the other side of the barn, we find Caz lying on his side on his bed, staring off into space.
I clear my throat. “Caz. Can we talk?”
Slowly, he turns his head in our direction, examining my face carefully. He nods, hauling himself into a seated position with his back against the headrest. He’s wearing clean black boxer briefs that cling to his shapely hips, mold against his cock, and hug his muscular thighs, leaving little to the imagination. Carved abs that look painted on, chiseled shoulders, and rippling biceps complete the tempting package, and I’ve never been more attracted to any guy in my life.
Lo crawls up the bed beside him, leaning her head on his shoulder, while I perch on the side of the bed in front of him. “I’m sorry for pushing you away. I got all up in my head, and I freaked.”