“You’re mistaken, lad,” said Drunkman, an edge in his voice. “It was five.”
“No, I’m pretty sure it was ten,” replied Goodman Youngman, pulling a small purse from his belt. “See here?” He dumped the contents onto the table, drawing the attention of the few other patrons in the room. “One, two, three, four, five,” he counted, methodically picking up each coin and putting it back into the pouch, “six, seven, eight, nine, ten!” He plopped the bag in front of me, a look of triumph on his face. “I knew it was ten—I wouldn’t forget a thing like that! My mother says I have a head for sums.” He smiled sheepishly.
To his credit, Drunkman, though clearly dismayed at the opportunity to potentially pocket five gold, rolled with it. “I guess I misremembered. Yes, it looks like we’ve been authorized to offer you ten gold pieces to help us.”
I looked at the purse, but didn’t reach for it—yet. “And how much of a reward are you offering adventurers to slay the dragon?”
Goodmen Drunkman and Youngman looked at each other awkwardly. “Well, about that,” began Drunkman slowly, “we were sort of hoping you could play up the size of the dragon’s hoard and convince people that it’s so huge that it would seem like a big draw just by itself…”
“Not offering anything, are you?”
“We don’t have much to spare, given that the dragon keeps destroying our crops,” said Youngman.
I mulled the offer. On the one hand, I didn’t think I’d have much luck getting any adventurers worth their weight in mithral to bite on this “opportunity”; on the other, all I had planned for the next couple of weeks was bopping around to various towns and villages in the area to perform, and this wouldn’t prevent me from doing that, and would put some extra gold in my pocket besides—and all I had to do was whip up a new little ditty, which I could do in the bath. So, that made the decision pretty easy. “All right,” I said, “after careful thought and deliberation—”
“You’ve only been thinking for like two seconds,” said Goodman Youngman.
I gave him the same look I once gave a rabid were-owl-bear that tried to get handsy with me. Youngman blanched in the most satisfying way. “As I was saying, after careful thought and deliberation, I will take up your cause.” I picked up the purse and tucked it securely inside my shirt. “In part because I feel for the good people of Skendrick and wish to help free your town—”
“Village,” said Goodman Drunkman.
“Village,” I amended, “from the oppressive yoke of the dragon, but mainly because you’re paying me, and I’m not really in a position to turn down ten gold pieces right now, the economy being what it is.”
Goodman Drunkman drained the rest of his drink. “We’ll give you half now and half when you’ve managed to get us some adventures. Adventurerersh. Adventurers. That’s a hard word to say,” he said, his speech slurred.
I tapped my impressive bosom, not to point out its impressiveness (well, not solely for that purpose), but to indicate where I had sequestered the purse. “You do realize that you’ve already given me all the gold, right?”
The two men looked at each other. “You were just supposed to give her half,” said Drunkman. He hiccupped.
“I’ve never done this before,” replied Youngman.
“I have a feeling that’s true in more ways than one when it comes to interactions with members of the opposite sex,” I opined.
A moment of awkward silence ensued. “Well, what happens now?” asked Goodman Youngman.
“Now I finish my drink, take a nap, and then get ready for my performance tonight.”
“And what about helping us?” he pressed.
“I’ll get to it. I need to write a song first. And then I’ll sing it everywhere from here to Kazaloon.”
“Where’s Kazaloon?” asked Goodman Drunkman.
“Next to Pluradia.”
“Where’s Pluradia?”
“You guys don’t get out much, do you?”
“This is the first time I’ve ever left Skendrick,” said Goodman Youngman.
“Me too,” said Drunkman. “Except for when I was here last night. And all the other times I’ve come here. Which is pretty often.” He hiccupped again.
“I’d tell you to enjoy your time in Borden,” I said, “but that would require getting your hands on substances that aren’t usually available for sale in Borden. Though I do know a guy.” I finished my drink and stood up. “Gentlemen—or, rather, Goodmen—it’s been…well, if not a pleasure, certainly financially rewarding. Whatever. In either case, it’s time for my nap. You’re more than welcome to stick around for the show tonight.”
“We need to get back to Skendrick,” said Goodman Youngman. He looked at Drunkman. “And we don’t have any more money to stay the night anyway.”
Sometimes I hate my tendency to want to help every stray dog that wanders into my path. I ground my teeth. “I will cover a room for you if you want to stay.”
“Can we?” asked Goodman Youngman, the excitement evident in his voice.
“We really should get back to Skendrick…”
I sighed. “I’ll cover your bar tab, too—within reason.”
“Then again, it’s always good for a young man to expand his horizons,” said Drunkman enthusiastically. “All right—we’ll stay.”
I secured a room for them, tossed them the key, and then retired to my own room. I really did need a nap, and I needed some quiet time if I was going to write a song to help the good people of Skendrick dupe some idiotic adventurers into taking on (and most likely getting immolated by) a red dragon.
Fortunately, if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s writing songs that appeal to idiots.
Chapter 11
THE HEROIC ADVENTURERS MEET THEIR DESTINY
Bruised and battered, but not deterred, from their mission to seek justice for all those in need, Nadinta and her companions arrived in the sleepy town of Napperville. Rather than seek solace in the bottom of a bottle or a house of ill repute, however, the stolid adventurers, eager to set right the misfortune that had befallen them in Velenia, made their way to the town square, where those in need of assistance of all kinds gathered to find aid. Farmers came to seek help in harvesting crops, builders to find laborers to help them build and repair homes, and merchants to find those who could make deliveries. Adventurers, too, gathered in the town square on occasion, ready to lend their strength and skill at arms to those unable to defend themselves from the evil creatures that lurked in all corners of Erithea.
In truth, however, there was seldom a need for the services of such noble heroes in Napperville, and so, after determining that no one would call upon them for help, Nadinta, Rummy, Borg, and Whiska walked to a quaint inn to recover their strength and prepare for their next quest.
That evening, over a simple meal of stew and bread, the companions learned of a village in dire straits indeed, one in need of heroes to rescue it from the ravages of the savage red dragon Dragonia. The entertainer that the inn had retained that evening, the legendary bard Heloise, painted such a vivid and heart-wrenching picture with her beautiful words and honeyed voice that the heroes were overcome with a desire to provide succor to the good and valiant people of Skendrick, and so they approached the bard after she had finished her tale and, near tears borne of their compassion for the Skendrickians’ plight, expressed to her their desire to aid the village, and begged her to take them there straight away so that Skendrick would not need to suffer one day more at the hands of the foul beast.