Jai rubbed his semen into my skin, his fingers collecting the moisture, then returning to my entrance. I whined as he pushed his fingers into me once more, oil and his release working as lubricant. It was too sensitive, and I whimpered into Noel’s neck, squirming to escape.
“Shh,” Jai kissed my spine, stroking my prostate twice more before withdrawing.
When Jai shuffled across the mattress, I lifted my head and waved him back. “Don’t go.”
He smiled, his dark eyes flickering happily. “I’m just getting a washcloth. I’ll be right back.”
Grinning like an idiot, I flopped back onto Noel, who accepted me with a sated snicker. His fingers drifted over my curls, and I kissed his throat.
“I love you,” I said.
Noel’s head dipped in search of my mouth, and I stretched up to connect us. It was sweet and slow and delicious.
“I love you too, ahuvi.”
A moment later, Jai returned. He wiped down my hand, then Noel’s stomach. He cleaned my butt last, though he ensured some of his semen remained inside me.
“Because you’re mine,” he growled against my mouth.
I melted. “I love you.”
“I love you too, baby.”
My shirt was stained and sticky, but I waited to remove it until Jai clicked off the lamp. Under the cover of darkness, I snuggled naked between my angels, wrapping my arm around Noel’s shoulders as he cuddled into my chest. Jai lay on his side, throwing an arm over both of us, his leg hitching over my shin so our feet tangled.
We whispered more I love you’s. Noel hummed into Jai’s mouth as they kissed, tongues tangling in a meandering dance. Then they kissed me each in turn. I sighed in complete and utter bliss.
Chapter Ten
The next morning, Noel’s heartbeat thudding in my ear woke me. Our bare legs tangled, and our naked bodies radiated wonderful warmth. His fingertips dragged across the tops of my shoulders, and I snuggled tighter against him. My morning erection was trapped between my body and Noel’s hip, and as I roused from slumber, I hitched my leg higher in hopes of finding his own hardened length.
But Noel was soft against my knee. Pouting into his chest, I nuzzled his soft skin. I kissed his nipple and smiled when his body stiffened beneath me.
“Good morning,” I mumbled sleepily, kissing his pink nipple again.
“Good morning.” His voice was hoarse and strained, and instead of responding to my naughty kisses, he cupped my cheek and directed me away from his peaked nub.
I didn’t initiate intimacy often, but this was the first time I’d ever been so blatantly rejected. It hurt, and I lifted off Noel’s chest with a frown. Did he regret last night? Was he upset about what we’d shared with Jai?
And where was Jai? He wasn’t in bed with us.
The moment I met Noel’s sorrowful gaze, thoughts of Jai fled my mind. Noel’s irises were nearly gray, the purple starbursts around his pupils dull. The whites of his eyes were ringed in red, like he’d been crying. Fear replaced my hurt.
“What’s wrong?” I cupped his cheek. “What happened?”
Shaking his head, Noel broke eye contact. “Nothing, baby. Nothing’s wrong.” His hand dragged down my spine, and everything clicked into place at once.
I’d taken off my soiled shirt last night. I was naked. He was touching my back. He’d seen my scars.
All my happiness from the night before, all the warmth from our sweat-soaked sheets, bled out of me like a hemorrhaging wound. I scrambled out of reach, and he grabbed at me with a guttural moan of agony.
“No, Riley. No. Don’t. Come back. Sweetie, come back to bed.”
But I was already standing, half the blanket wrapped around me. “You weren’t supposed to see.”
Apparently, that was not the right thing to say. Noel reared back like I’d slapped him, his eyes wide and cool. Hurt and anger flooded his face, and I almost reached for him. But he turned away.
“Why not?” he demanded. “Gideon seems to know about them. And you and Jai have… so he’s seen them. He’s known about them for weeks!”
“I wasn’t planning on showing him. It just…”
I silently begged him to understand, but he was all fury and hard edges. “Out of everyone, didn’t you think I’d understand?”
“Noel—”
His voice cracked. “What have I ever done to make you not trust me?”
“It’s not about trust,” I said.
“Bullshit!” Noel grabbed a pillow and chucked it at me.
I caught it and dropped it to the floor. “It’s not about trust!”
“Then what is it?” His eyes were wet, his lips peeled back from his teeth. “You told everyone except me. If it’s not about trust, then what is it?”
“I couldn’t hurt you. After everything, I couldn’t hurt you anymore. I couldn’t bear it.” Tears stole my words, and I kicked the edge of the bed as my eyesight flickered red. “I wanted to protect you from this.”
“I am not weak.” Noel stood, unashamed of his nudity, and pointed an accusing finger at me. “I am not weak, and it’s not your job to protect me.”
It was a good thing the bed separated us because rage sizzled to life in my veins, and I wanted to smack him. “We protect the ones we love, Noel. And I love you!”
His cruel laugh was sharp and cutting. “That’s a copout. The burden is lightest when we share the load. Why won’t you let me help carry this?”
“The same reason you didn’t tell me about Purgatory.” It was a low blow, and I knew it. But it was true.
Noel paled, the flush of anger leaking from his face. “That’s not fair.”
“You told Jai. He’s known for months.” I threw his words back at him, and he pointed that damn finger at me again.
“That’s not the same!”
Red flooded my vision as my voice rose to a shout. “Why? Because they didn’t rape me? They tried! And I had to fight them off every time. Because they didn’t skin my back?” I threw off the blanket and turned. “They ripped out my wings!”
Noel choked on a sob.
I faced him again. “Because they didn’t torture me? They did. Do you know what he did to me in that room? In that chair? I’ll tell you if that’s what you need. If it would prove something to you.”
“Riley—”
I said, “I’ll tell you every detail of the way Leviathan touched me, violated me! How he pumped me full of chemicals that burned and magic so dark it made me bleed black. And that was just one of them.”
I said, “I still feel the weight of Asmodeus on my back, his hot breath on my neck as he tells me to fight. ‘Fight, little hybrid. Fight for all you’re worth because it makes it better.’”
I said, “And Mammon laughed. He laughed when he ripped my wings from my back. He laughed when I screamed, when I begged, when—”
“Riley, stop!”
Noel was crying, heaving sobs that shook him, and I didn’t realize I was crying too, until the tears dripped from my chin and sprinkled my chest. This wasn’t supposed to happen. We weren’t supposed to hurt each other like this. I wanted to reach for him, but then his skin glowed, and he disappeared.