“Please. Jai, please. I need—I need—”
“I know what you need.” His fingers slipped out of me with an obscene, wet sound. He collected the remaining ejaculate from my groin, and I hid my face in the mattress, squeezing my eyes shut as nerves exploded in my stomach.
It had hurt last time. A lot.
“Breathe,” he whispered in my ear as he blanketed my back with his large, hard body. “I’ve got you.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“Are you—” He paused, the head of his erection nudging at my hole. “Is this okay?”
Again, I nodded. “Yes. I love you. Yes.”
“I love you,” he said like a promise. He kissed the skin beneath my ear, placed a hand on my hip to steady me, and then pushed.
I groaned, low and throaty, burying the sound in the mattress. Once again, he took his time. He went slowly, gently rocking into my body, encouraging me to open, to take more of him. I whined as the stretch became uncomfortable. I whimpered when the discomfort grew to pain. He paused.
“Push against me,” he instructed, voice full of gravel. “Push and breathe.”
I obeyed, and he pressed harder, sliding into me until I feared he’d split me open completely. I cried out as he filled me, not stopping until his hips were flush with my butt. Panting against my clenched fist, I tried to calm the tremble in my muscles; I tried to resist the need to tense and fight the invasion. A few stubborn tears dripped from my nose, soaking into the blanket.
“Fuck. Hades. You… so tight. So good.” His beard scraped my skin raw as he kissed my neck, my shoulder. His fingers were going to leave bruises on my hips, but I didn’t care. I wanted him to hold me tighter.
“Jai.”
“You’re doing so good, Riles. So fucking good.” Joy swooped through me at his praise, and he chuckled like he could feel it. Maybe he could. We were connected in more ways than one right now.
He was inside my body, his length hard as stone, the curved barbell pierced through the head rubbing in ways that left me breathless. He was inside my soul, his power buzzing and bubbling as the rope lodged in my chest thrummed. He was inside my head, his presence so big and overwhelming.
Moist breath fanned over my ear.
He said, “I missed you so much. I love you. Maker in Heaven, I love you.”
He said, “Don’t ever leave me. Not again. Not ever again, you hear me?”
He said, “Fuck, I need—I’m sorry, baby, but I can’t—I’m gonna fuck you now. Just let me fuck you.”
I moaned his name, one hand reaching back to cup his face. His beard was rough on my palm. His teeth scraped my neck. And then he did exactly as he promised.
It was hard. It was rough. It was fast. His teeth left red marks on my skin. His fingers dug purple bruises into my flesh. Our bodies slapped together almost violently as he trapped my torso against the side of the bed, my cheek pressed to the mattress, fingers clutching the bedding.
But he’d lied about one thing. He was still gentle. He pushed the limit, the boundary between pleasure and pain, but he never crossed the line. Because he loved me and would never harm me. Because this wasn’t just sex. This wasn’t merely the physical urge to orgasm. This was reuniting after too long apart. This was healing and forgiveness. This was love and promises and home.
When his brilliant white rope exploded from his hands and coiled around my body, our bond sang. The rope slithered up until it circled my throat, cinching just shy of too tight. My electricity crackled to life, crawling over my skin until it engulfed Jai.
Jai’s thrusts slowed then as our powers met and mingled. It wasn’t like before. There was no flurry or rush, no violent attack of desperation. Our powers twirled and merged in a sensuous dance. Instead of diving into his soul and cementing myself to him, I merely coaxed my power into our bond. We infused the bond with our combined energy and intention until it was full and healthy and vibrant.
His rope tightened around my throat. My vision flooded red. I said, “Mine,” and something deep within me snapped into place.
Everything that was Jai rushed over me anew. His loyalty, his brutality and strength, the juxtaposition between his possessiveness and the freedom he’d always offered me. He wanted to hide me away so I would never be hurt again, but he wanted me free to flourish and grow into the man he knew I could be. He hated me for leaving, for doing exactly what he would have done if our positions had been reversed. But with every cell in his angelic body, he loved me, and it was a heady thing to accept.
I wondered what he felt in this moment, what parts of myself he could see. It scared me, to be this open and vulnerable. But I refused to close down the bond. Because I owed him this, owed him my everything. So I offered him the only thing I had, my broken soul, and he cradled it carefully in his hold.
We glowed, red and white and beautiful. Then we exploded. My pleasure was sharper this time, mixed with Jai’s. A wet heat flooded me, and I gasped, curling my fingers in his hair as he canted his hips, thrusting his release into my pliant body. We flew together until I was limp and sated. And still he rolled against me, shallow thrusts and heavy pants.
When the last sparks and aftershocks of pleasure had faded, he stilled. He sighed into the back of my neck, mouth puckering against the top notch of my spine. With a dopey smile, I glanced over my sweaty shoulder and met his gaze.
His eyes smoldered like dying coals, and he smiled. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I croaked.
Our bond glowed blindingly between us. It was so much. I could feel him in every nerve ending. It was overwhelming.
“Pull back,” he said softly. “It’s a lot, I know. Don’t get lost in it.”
Blowing a heavy breath through pursed lips, I loosened my death grip on the tether, and it eased. It was still strong, still intertwined with my soul securely, but I could breathe around it. I slumped against the bed.
“Wow. Is this what you and Noel feel all the time?” I asked in awe.
“It can be like this, if we let it. But we don’t keep it this open. It’s… invasive.”
I barked a laugh, the motion bringing attention to our joined bodies. “I wouldn’t know a thing about invasive,” I snarked.
Jai laughed and smacked my thigh. “Smartass.”
Craning my neck, I sought out his lips, and he granted me my unspoken request. He kissed me, beard biting into my chin and cheeks. I liked it.
“I love you,” I said.
He grinned. “You’re everything, Riles. Everything.”
I liked that too.
Chapter Four
When we finally managed to move, Jai lifted me and laid me down on the bed. He disappeared into my bathroom and returned with a warm, wet washcloth. He cleaned me up, being extra gentle as he rubbed the cloth between my cheeks. I blushed furiously but allowed him this. It seemed important to him.
“Don’t move,” he commanded, and I nodded my agreement.
He washed up in the sink, and though he’d only been away from me for a minute, maybe two, I was relieved when he returned and crawled under the covers with me. I burrowed into him, the skin-to-skin contact loosening the tightness in my chest. He pecked my forehead.
As his fingers drew designs on my back, I nuzzled his neck and breathed in his dokha and sunshine. His index finger followed the path of my right scar, and I shivered.